


Try again

by Llixale



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Not Tony Stark Friendly, POV Alternating, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, time travelling, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:02:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 80,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25973329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llixale/pseuds/Llixale
Summary: If Civil Wars had gone differently
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson
Comments: 93
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

There is something about this place that just seems to make your demons rise up.

The Raft they name it.

Days and nights are nothing but a constant state of dim orange light in his cell. Sometimes they switch to blue or some neutral shade but it’s hard to know why exactly. He easily lose track of time. It’s a soft way to torture people, make them lose their minds by eating at their psyche like thousands of incredibly small ants. Steve truly has no idea how long he has been there and knows even less for how long.

_Until I die_ , his minds provides. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad he adds. He doesn’t means it. He hopes he doesn’t mean it. But these thoughts comes back a bit too often to only be bad jokes. He doesn’t want to die, he just wants everything to stop and he has too much time to thinks because he tries not to sleep. When he sleeps, there inevitably a nightmare at the corners, leaving him like a sobbing mess and screaming at his cell. Sometimes, it’s as if his consciousness wakes up before his body and he is trapped inside himself.

It could be worse, he keeps repeating in a whisper as he tries to exercise from time to time. He isn’t sure doing push up and squats really helps with his sanity but he really have to make it work. He can’t just lay here forever. There’s no human contact and from the moment he was thrown in this cell, only a robotic voice had gave him some instruction occasionally. Every meal, sheets changes and possible needs are handled through a box disappearing in a thick wall.

Sometimes he thinks of the people who helped him. He tries not too, the guilt coming out full force then, but he does it anyway because he feels like he has to. This Scott Lang guy should be okay, he only appeared to help. That said, someone able to shrink or become giant thanks to a super suit couldn’t be just any random joe. He looked so happy and impressed to work with everyone, did he imagine that it would turn like this? Clint should be fine too, mostly. He has contacts and Natasha would never let him here for long. At least he hopes. He is the only one he actually saw when he got brought there and he looked fine enough, bruised, but alive.

When he starts thinking of Wanda, he is scared. She is the type of people directly aimed at with the Accords and with her brief past in Hydra, he doubted she was treated fairly. He really hopes Natasha kept an eye on her too, if she can.

And then, there’s Bucky and Sam...

He sights, trying to prevent the memories from tearing his heart apart. In that aspect, the serum is a curse. Being able to perfectly picture the smiles, the gasps, the fights, the blood... Sometimes the nightmare is so vivid he swears he is living the past another time instead of dreaming. Sometimes it starts with Sam smiling at him and next thing he knows, they are running in that airport, the red of Stark’s armor darker. Crimson. Like the blood of Bucky when Tony finally gets his hand on his neck...

Sam, Bucky, Bucky Sam, Tony...Tony Stark...

They fought together before fighting each other. He should have known, he really should have. He never considered Tony as a friend but they were good as teammates and he cared about his teammates. He thought, before, that Tony may not be his favorite guy but he tried to do good and was ready to risk it all when time called for it. Now? Now he wonders if Tony sleeps well. If he thinks he got justice with what he’s done. Probably.

Even then, no matter how much he hates Tony now or how much he blames him, its nothings compared to how he blames himself. Each member of his team had been there because he needed help and he just ruined their life.

Bravo Rogers.

He wants to ask Sam for forgiveness because out of everyone, this is the one person he is directly responsible for getting involved in this life. He was just minding his own business but Steve just could not have let this stranger alone. A magnetic power forced his mouth open that day.

“On your left”

And Sam has been so important in his life since...way before Steve understood what was going on in his head and his heart.

He wonders if Sam thinks of him sometimes...no, he KNOWS Sam thinks about him and misses him. He knows it because Sam told him so. It took some times for him to actually believe he guy like Sam would choose him but when he let himself be loved, he couldn't be happier.

Steve gets his arms around his waist, trying his best to recreate the feeling of having Sam hold him but he does a bad job at it and it just feels cold. So, so cold. Maybe he is here. Stuck in a cell, just as unaware of Steve’s presence. The idea that they may be treating his Sammy the way they treat him makes him so angry he let a scream with his head against his knees.

One day (or one night, who knows), the whole base resonates with an alarm. He has to cover his ears at first but soon it doesn’t matter because his whole room vibrate and the sound isn't his more pressing problem.

“ **Code eleven** ” the AI says suddenly “Extraction protocol”

One of the walls open and a black pod appears, ready to have someone jump inside.

“Please use the pod to evacuate. I repeat, please use the pod to evacuate”

Steve has no idea what is happening but he jumps inside it nonetheless. Maybe it’s a trap of some sort, maybe he should stay right there but he decides to take his chance anyway, everything is better than staying here. The second he stands inside, instructions starts to appears. Belts, button, breathe. The pod locks himself and then he is launch along a narrow white path like a flipper ball. It lasts for maybe ten to fifteen seconds max before everything becomes black and he is ejected out of the Raft.

Night. This is the night he marvels. He can’t see the Raft anymore but he doesn’t care. No, he likes that. He never wants to see this place again.

There’s coordinates on the transparent screen facing him and he can make that this must be somewhere around New York. He has no idea where he is but is that thing supposed to fly him to New York?! The screen shakes, he notices, then a new set of coordinates appears, ones he doesn’t recognize.

He knew it. A trap then.

There’s nothing he can do about it right now anyway and he is tired so he tries to relax and prepare. If someone is there to kill him, well, it will just be over then. Sam wouldn’t like that, his minds remember him. If Sam was in the Raft, has he been ejected to? He couldn't see anybody else but how can he be sure?

He should make it back to him. No matter what. Back to Sam. Back to his home. With his eyes closed, let his body get used to the acceleration. He never was the flying type, always preferred to have his two feet on solid ground. Sometimes he let Sam fly him around. It always makes Sam laugh, except when they are in a mission and Sam has to save his ”stupid ass”. He would give anything to have Sam be angry at him right now. Everything to have Sam in front of him again. All he can hope now is that it’s over soon.

By dawn, he reaches the shore of wherever he is but instead of stopping there, the capsule continues its course and takes enough altitude to go above the clouds. That thing has a good design because there’s no temperature change since he left the Raft even thought the whole door/window is covered in a thin layer of ice. The capsule decelerate slowly and starts going down in a soft humming sound. He can vaguely identify that he is flying above a city, then another one, New York. No... He knows where is he going. No, he wants to scream, unable to even open his mouth. Images of Siberia clouding his vision as he presses his hands to his eyes to shield himself.

Finally, he stops and the capsule reaches the ground, opening itself.

“Steve?”

His hands seems glued where they are, he doesn’t answer her.

“Steve, it’s me, it’s Natasha. You are safe here”

Steve is too lost in the memories to care about her so she comes closer, carefully reaches his hands “I’m here, look at me”

She waits as he process everything in his own time. Finally, with a shaky breathe, he lets go and blinks his eyes open. She is facing him, taking up all of his vision as to shield him. She has shorter blond hair now. It isn’t the first time he saw her blond but it’s the first time he saw her do it with her real hair. There’s a sadness in her eyes he doesn’t miss. He doesn’t really want to ask but he still needs to know what is going on and why he is here after...he has no idea when they are. The gravity only increase when she speaks again, this time with tears slowly falling down.

“Steve...we lost”

* * *

**_A week later_ **

Steve can’t bring himself to join the other in the Avengers compound.

Thor is there, minus an eye and a hand. It’s painfully obvious that he isn’t okay. He lost his brother (for good) and almost all of his people.

Bruce came too, the Hulk persona nowhere to be found for the first time in years. Apparently the green monster took the beating of his life and he never appeared again since.

Natasha is somewhere in there with Sharon. Carter seems relatively well all things considered but to be honest, after the Shield/Hydra reveal and losing (more than) half of all living things all across the universe, he doubts she is as well as she pretends to be.

He knows Clint is currently in Germany and that all of his family died in the snap. No one can contact him besides Natasha.

Steve asked about Scott Lang but since he is nowhere to be found, it could only mean one thing.

He asked about Wanda too, guessing that she disappeared with the snap as well. He was wrong.

“The Black Order got her and Vision first. She sacrificed herself so Vision could escape but in the end...”

Natasha hadn’t needed to add anything and Steve stopped asking questions.

There is in the compound a huge screen displaying the face of the numerous people who lost their lives. Steve came here one time, saw the face of Wanda and left which is why he thought she had been snapped away.

He wonders, days later, if he could have prevented Vison and Wanda demise. It seems a bit egoistic to believe that he could have done “something” and ultimately change the fate of this universe. He doesn’t like to feel powerless. Who does, really? They always have been stronger together but together got ruined the second Zemo tried to frame Bucky for something he didn’t do. Or maybe it was when he failed to tell Tony about his parents.

He got so little time with Bucky...and it wasn’t exactly his Bucky anyway. Still, the Bucky he knew when they were an early teen and the Bucky who was in the war were two different people too so Steve hadn’t been that shocked by his personality, ready to accept who he was now. He would have learned how to be a friend to this Bucky no matter what.

He thought they would have figured everything out, him, Sam and Bucky. He thought...Well, he was wrong anyway.

Mourning Bucky for a second time isn’t any easier than the first, especially since, once again, Steve blames himself for it. Not because he thinks he did it but because he thinks he should have been able to prevent it.

”You can’t save everyone” he said more than once. He believes it but God, is it hard when you witness someone you know get murdered.

Loosing Sam is a first and something he wasn’t prepared for. They talked about it before and it was one of the reasons that made Sam so hesitant to change the nature of their relationship. In Steve’s mind, Sam disappearing is an abstract concept.

“You aren’t afraid of death Steve, but I am, and I am afraid of losing you” Sam had said when Steve tried to have the conversation about being more than friends the second time.

“I want to come back to you. I always want to come home” Steve answered then.

“I always thought I would die first” Steve breathe in the small one room apartment he took since he is “free”. He knows this arrangement can only be temporary but he needs the time away from the Avengers right now.

Natasha was the one to tell Steve he has been pardoned. After pressing the issue, she recognized that Thanos snapping half of everyone did help put some perspective on some events. This new life feels dull. Not just because of who he lost, it’s like the sun just shines less bright now. Even the therapist he sees seems to need help.

How do you move on? Everyone seems to ask. He has no idea. He isn’t sure he can.

* * *

A few days later, Steve is called to the compound with an emergency, Fury’s pager is picking up a signal and according to Bruce, this is from space.

“I think whatever or whoever this is , it’s coming on hearth” he explains when Steve appears.

Natasha, Sharon, Thor Pepper and Rhodey are here, trying to figure out what to do.

He stays silent, not having a damn clue about how to deal with whatever is arriving.

There is some glances his way, maybe waiting for his participation. He wants to say loud and clear that he isn’t Captain America anymore. How to protect a country that would have let him rot in jail because he tried to protect an innocent man? Many people must have been happy to lock him up without trial. He’ll remember that in due time.

There’s a loud noise outside, announcing that whoever Fury called is arriving. They all move outside and the first thing they see is a glowing light coming closer and closer. Then, they notices that the light is actually right under a spaceship and that the light itself is a blond woman. She smiles, drops the ship on the ground in a loud metallic sound then gives two taps on it. An opening directly facing them makes a whoosh sounds and from the darkness inside emerges two figure.

One is a bald head blue woman, the second, the one she is carrying with extreme care, is Tony Stark.

Pepper runs toward him, Rhodey right by her side while they let their relief and joy explode. Tony, skinny like he hadn’t eaten properly in a while, tries to keep them both against his frail body.

The time seems to stretch, seconds are like hour as Steve takes in the scene. His mind is going back into focus when the blond woman speaks “Hello, I’m Carol Danvers. Where’s Fury? I got his call”

She shows the pager in her pocket as a proof and Natasha exhales next to Steve. “Fury’s gone”

“I lost the kid...” Tony says, his voice rough and shaking “Pep’, I lost...”

Steve wonders what kid he is talking about before remembering that the last time he saw Tony, the man threw him into a cell to never see the sunlight again after having killed Bucky right in front of his eyes. “Don’t go there” Steve forces himself to think, repeating the words in a loop as Pepper mentions that Tony needs medical care.

The whole group moves inside, at which point the alien, Nebula, introduces herself, keeping an eye on Tony at all time.

Steve missed a lot of things while in jail, Tony going to space with Peter Parker and a certain Doctor Strange is one of them. He wants to scream, why would he take a kid to space, even if the kid is physically stronger than them both. How did they knew they would survive space? The environment on another planet?!

Tony makes a remarkable effort not to look or acknowledge Steve’s presence but he can only do so much before his body starts to show signs of discomfort and Rhodey and Natasha start to notice the clues as well. Steve isn’t waiting for an apology, he is past that, but he thinks he deserves more than pretending he isn’t here at all.

While he keeps his thoughts to himself, the conversation starts to get a bit tenser when the pointing finger game starts, culminating in Tony shouting to no one in particular “Maybe if we had stood together, all together, Thanos wouldn’t have won, just sayin’”

“We were together Tony” Natasha remarks “We were in Wakanda, trying to keep Vision’s stone away from him. Why did Strange willingly give the time stone away?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” Tony shouts, then, trying to be calmer “He said this was the only way he saw or something equally fucking cryptic”

“Fantastic” Thor finally says after having been just as silent as Steve until now “The Time stone could have been the key to this debacle and now it’s gone”

Eventually, Steve leaves the room as more debate erupts. He walks aimlessly until he finds himself back in front of the infamous debriefing room with the incessant passing of faces and names. He doesn’t want to look at it more than necessary but it’s hypnotic, they are so many. He recognizes one name, then a second... His eyes water without the tears falling down.

“I’m sorry Steve” Natasha says from behind him, forcing him to turn from the projection to look at her “I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to see him”

“We lost so many people...and yet, all I can do is think about my losses” he says. He fidgets with his pocket for a moment before taking his hand out. He looks at the necklace in his hand, the two gold rings next to each other. They are extremely simple for a love that was anything but.

“What’s...?” Natasha asks with guarded surprise.

Steve has a small smile “We decided to hide them away, just the time everything calmed down. I...yesterday I managed to retrieve them, I couldn’t let them away”

“Steve, what is this?” She asks with more dread this time.

What is she so scared of?

“We wanted to tell you but...It never was the right time, being chased down you know?” He loses himself in the memory of the expeditious wedding and increases his grip on the rings. “Thanos took so many lives, and I...It’s stupid, right? I tell myself that if I had been here with him, maybe the snap would have avoided him” He laughs sadly, the tears finally coming out. He wipes them away, almost ashamed of himself.

“The snap? But Barnes...I mean...”

“Barnes?”

They look at each other in confusion before Natasha tilts her head “You married Barnes, right?”

Steve frowns, wonder what she is talking about “What do you mean I married Bucky? Why would I do that?” he questions painfully “Just, no!”

Natasha tries to review everyone Steve knew that disappeared in the snap but nothing adds up.

“Steve, who are you talking about?”

“Sam, Nat, who else?”

For the third time of his life, Steve sees genuine shock completely freeze Natasha. This is why he is hyper focused on her when she finally speaks again.

“I have to check on Pepper, can you wait for me here? We could take the new girl and eat something? Can’t believe there’s two Captain now”

She is already walking away and Steve frowns even more at her calling him Captain again. He waits a safe time before following her direction as silently as he can. In the main room where everybody was, there’s Pepper, Thor, Carole, Nebula and Tony. He sneaks his way in the hallway and spots the light of another room farther in the hallway. He can hear Natasha, Rhodey and Bruce in there.

“You got to be kidding me!” Rhodey groans ”This is...shit! Shit, just...shit”

“I am not the one who is going to tell him” Bruce chimes in ”This is a nightmare”

“We have to get Tony out of here, now. I’ll deal with Steve after”

Steve walks to the door and opens it before anyone else answer.

“Deal with me about what?”

The trio looks like dears in headlights before Rhodey lets a heavy “Fuck” coming from the heart.

Natasha looks at Rhodey and he starts to walk to the door but Steve doesn’t budge “No. tell me. Now”

“Steve, maybe we can just all relax and, uh, let Rhodey go...”

“Why do you have to take Tony away? What does this have to do with me?”

None of them seems to be ready to answer so he raises an eyebrow “Okay, I’m asking Tony myself then” and with that, he quickly makes his way to the main room, Bruce, Natasha and Rhodey all trying to stop him.

Too late, they all come inside and Rhodey immediately puts himself in full armor between Steve and Tony which make Steve’s anger rise as much as his incredulity.

“What is going on?” Tony blinks.

Nebula comes next to Rhodey without anyone asking. For all she knows, Steve is the enemy.

Bruce tries to put himself in between everyone, arms raised “Everyone calm down, please!”

“What...” Steve tries, only to be cut by Natasha “ **Steve and Sam were together** ”

Now, Steve doesn’t understand their reaction and why Natasha announces it like that. This isn’t her news to share. He certainly didn’t expect the deadly silence between everyone.

“Steve I’m so sorry man...I swear...”

“We all lost people in the snap Rhodey, why are you...”

Pepper gasps stops Steve. Bruce has his eyes closed and Thor’s gaze goes from Tony to Rhodey to Steve.

“Steve...” Natasha calls softly “Sam...he didn’t die in the snap”

Of course Steve immediately thinks that this means he is alive, his face breaking into a huge smile “Sam’s alright?! I thought he was dead! Where is he? I need to call him now” he says with so much hopes he doesn’t notice Natasha tearing up.

“Steve...” Pepper can't help but whispers.

“Sam died in the aftermath of the airport battle” She explains.

“Because of me” Tony adds.

“Uh?” Is all Steve can say, his mind suddenly blank. No. No, no, no...what?

“I...I wanted...I thought...” Tony tries to speak,

“Tony...”

“Pep,he needs to know” he turns to look at Steve in the eyes “Sam got hurt during the fight while you were flying away. He never made it to the Raft”

Steve stays silent, the words not making senses. Hurt? Sam was hurt? Why? Who?

“Come on Tony” Bruce presses then with disapprobation “You can’t put that on him, not when...”

“But this is his fault! If he hadn’t chosen this criminal over me, none of this would have happened! And I thought Rhodey...Look, all he had to do was surrender but nooooo, not the great Steve Rogers”

“You are the one who blasted him!” Natasha finally reveals “This is on you!”

Steve’s hands would have grabbed Tony’s throat if not for Carol and Nebula heighten reflexes.

“YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND?! YOU KILLED MY SAM?!”

“Hus...Husband?!” Rhodey, Tony And Pepper all repeats in slight variation.

Steve is full on fighting everyone to try to get Tony.

Well except Thor because he isn’t trying to hold him. He is actually quite shocked by the whole story. He only learned recently about why he hadn’t heard from Steve for years and the only reason he did nothing himself then is because Natasha told him she was getting him out anyway.

There’s no “Steve calm down” because who would dare try to calm someone learning that in addition to kill someone’s childhood friend James Barnes, you also killed their spouse?

Carol grabs Steve by the neck from the back and rarefies the air coming into his lung “I’m sorry” she says softly in his ear.

“YOU ARE A MURDERER” Steve screams still, even if he has to take big gulps and his face becomes redder seconds after seconds.

Eventually his voice dies as he looses consciousness, surrounded by everyone. They look at the limp body in Carole's arms.

“I thought you were the good guy” she throws Tony’s way.

“So did I” Bruce continues, walking to Steve to get his body “I’ll set him in the medical bay and keep an eye on him”

“I didn’t know he was married!” Tony immediately pleads with more vigor that since he arrived on hearth. He can’t be responsible for Rogers husband death, especially since he killed his...previous boyfriend or whatever they were.

“How could he know about this only now?” Pepper says more to herself than to the group “This is crazy...this is wrong”

“If they had surrender...”

Pepper turns to Tony sharply. She says nothing but whatever is happening on her face makes Tony look at the floor.

“I’ll fix this” he promises.

“How can you fix it if you don’t think you did anything wrong, my friend?” Thor asks, ready to go in the same direction Bruce went in.

He doesn’t wait for an answer anyway and disappears, quickly followed by Natasha.

Before Steve opens his eyes, the anger is back full force. Loosing Bucky, again, is a wound he isn’t sure could have ever healed but Sam? Sam was never supposed to die like that. At the hands of Tony of all people? And Tony is free to live his life however he wants, there’s no consequences. He killed two enemies of the states so worst case scenario he will have a thank you note from whoever is replacing the General Ross.

Steve wants to puke, both mentally and physically. He is repulsed by what happened to Sam and can’t begin to accept it. Unfortunately, because he isn’t a cold blooded murderer, he can’t just walk to Stark and snap his neck like he deserves. It's appealing though.

It’s his fault, partially. Mostly. He doesn’t know. He knows nothing, really.

It’s still dark inside when Natasha and Rhodey comes in whatever room they put him in. Their eyes don’t meet, mostly because Steve tries hard not to say anything and tries to concentrate on his hands in his lap instead.

“I want to know exactly what happened” he demands with his voice low and broken.

There no movements and no sounds coming from him when they tell him about this part of the fight. First between Vision, Rhodey and Sam, then, when Rhodey himself got hurt, how Tony reacted when Sam approached and how he managed to get the information he needed out of him.

Both Rhodey and Sam were put in the same medical helicopter but only one of them was still alive by the time they landed. Hell, no one could tell if he has been alive when he was put in.

Steve takes it all, his blood turning into shattered ice, piercing his insides. He wants to believe everything is a vast joke, a nightmare, a simulation in the Raft to torture him. If it is, he has no way to know anyway.

How could they let something like this happen?

How could they let Sam die?

And they just stay around Tony as if it was nothing, as if he just didn’t murdered two men that should be alive.

None of it makes sense. Where is the justice Sam and Bucky deserves? Where is it? He does ask them. He looks into their eyes and ask how they could let Tony just do whatever he wants without any consequences when he is the one blasting about accountability?

They have nothing to say, of course. Or maybe Steve doesn’t care enough to listen.

“I’m leaving” he announces, moving away for the bed and them too. He really doesn’t have a lot to pack anyway, all of his things, the ones that truly belongs to him and not the government or whatever, are all in the black backpack he slides on his shoulder.

No phone, no money, no paper.

He disappears.


	2. Chapter 2

The world is big. Not as big as it used to looked like, of course, but big nonetheless. One thing Steve is grateful about having learned a lot of spy skills as Captain America is with how to sneak in place he shouldn’t be. Planes after planes and he is far from the American soil. From what he can tell, no one is searching for him. Not that he would really know but he feels as close to freedom he thinks he’ll ever experience. A freedom that taste like ash and loss but even if this is the only thing he has left, he feels grateful for it.

One of the small pleasures Steve finds is trying new way to change what he looks like so he can start another (lonely) life in another place.

He forgets, after a while, where he has been and who he has been. Was he Charles in Singapore, buzzed head and beard down his neck, fishing ? Was he Sven in Moldovia, a driver with a cap always on his head? Or was he Brian in Scotland, brown eyes and mustache, working in a brewery?

He was everyone and no one but a nomad running away when he wanted to.

* * *

Occasionally, he comes back in the US. Two years later, Steve visits Bucky, his rests turned to ash and put in the familial vault. At least they didn’t just put his dead body God knows where. If his friend could see this, would he be happy? The old Bucky, the one before the war, maybe. The one Steve met, behind the Winter Soldier eye, he isn’t sure. He just wanted to live and atone for what he was forced to do, clearly he didn't have a lot of time to explore that.

Somehow, Steve feels like he is grieving his best friend non stop since the day he saw him leave with countless other men to join the army.

Finding Sam's remains however, was a bit harder. Reluctantly, he goes to someone that might know.

Darlene Wilson wasn’t at her old address but Sarah Wilson is. Steve only met her once and they didn’t exchange words back then, he hadn’t even had the opportunity to introduce himself. Yet, she is the one who opens the door and by her look, she recognize Steve instantaneously. It starts worse than what Steve had anticipated. He doesn't expect any warm welcome of course but Sarah makes him come inside and without raising her voice or shed one tear, she managed to tear Steve’s whole being into tiny insignificant pieces.

She still wants to know why the corpse of her little brother was brought in a bag that day so he tells her everything, including their secret marriage and while she seems to hate Steve even more after that, she agrees to come with him see Sam.

Steve thought that since he lost two people he loved, he should mourn the same but the closest he gets to where Sam is buried, the heavier his feet goes until he can’t walk anymore, his breath short and his vision blurry.

“The least you could do is face him, Captain” she throws like the worse insult she could find.

He tries to have some dignity, her words are nothing he hasn't told himself yet and they resume the walk until she stops to a place virtually indistinguishable from the dozen others around them.

Samuel T. Wilson it said.

The first idea Steve has, one that stuck for way too long is “It’s all fake, I can dig this thing out and I’m sure there will be no body inside because Sam ISN’T DEAD”

He sounds so ridiculous to his own mind he could have punched himself. The second thought is that it's "Wilson-Rogers" actually, not just Wilson. They couldn't decide of witch name to take so they put the two together.

Something in Sarah’s demeanor softens and she takes a step closer just so that she can put her hand on his shoulder and push him toward Sam's last resting place. She leaves after twenty minutes, her goodbye not inviting or warm but it’s more than Steve feels he deserves. Sam had something very different in mind when he talked to Steve about how he wanted to tell his family about them.

* * *

These days, Steve wears the two rings on his hand. He cares about being recognized by someone less and less ans stops hiding anymore because it takes efforts and he doesn’t care that much. Some would say that he is stupid, or that he has a death with. Maybe a bit of both.

After a while, longer than he thought, he attracts the wrong kind of attention.

He is in France when some remaining Hydra cell tries to come at him. The simple fact that Hydra managed to stay active even after Thanos gets him beyond furious.

So, he sets an example.

Actually, he kills nobody. He doesn’t need to.

After he is done with them and the building they used as a covert, he is pretty sure they will get the word out. The message he gives the remaining conscious pair is really simple : Steve Wilson-Rogers wants to be left alone and he won’t show mercy the next time.

Someone does try once, someone all juiced up on something giving him abilities. Too bad Steve is in a bad day when it happens.

After that, Clint does come to find him. It’s good to see him until he starts talking about going all vigilante again and start the Secret Avengers Club or something.

Why people can't just listen? He wants to be left alone but Clint, Clint is out for blood. Once upon a time, Steve would have talked to him out of it. Today, he shakes his head, tells him he shouldn’t do this and leaves Hawkeye in the back of this Parisian gay bar. He wonders why no one came to the archer to stop him already. There has to be someone in the know, he believes, at the very least, Natasha.

* * *

The first time Steve has sex again, it’s been two years and a half. It isn’t planned but he spontaneously decides to follow some rules for himself.

He doesn’t kiss, he doesn’t perform oral, he doesn’t let anyone fuck him.

Is it weird that one of his ways to honor Sam in death is to not let anyone have this? Maybe he is weird, take it or leave it. Maybe he isn’t exactly all well in the head too.

He doesn’t seek anyone but when they come to him, he fuck them, doesn’t give his real name if they don't know him, never, and leaves them a mess wherever they are. He isn’t sure he actually takes pleasure in it. It’s a release, a performance, but not at all comparable to the ones he experienced with Sam. It’s night and day. 

Steve lives. Not that he is thrilled by it but he feels it would be the ultimate disrespect to die when Bucky and Sam have both been killed. He should see someone to help him cope with everything. _That’s something Sam would want for him_ , he thinks, but he can’t push himself to do it. He just moves around, letting the world turn again everyday.

* * *

When Natasha and Carol Danvers appears in Guadeloupe as he sits on a almost white sand beach, he closes his eyes. Not that he thinks it would make them disappears but he prays they aren’t here to make him go back to the US. The beach is so beautiful, the water makes no sound and he actually enjoyed seeing people dance at this impromptu party last night. Also, the food reminds him of the cooking in the South just a little.

He knows Natasha was around sometime, letting him know she kept an eye on him, but never coming directly until today and never with someone else. What's different this time?

“Hi Steve” Natasha starts, proposing him a water bottle.

He opens his eyes, takes the bottle. The weather is so sunny and warm he feels like he could just sleep here. People who says that he runs hot must not have met Carol, she is emitting a noticeable warmth.

“Natasha, Danvers”

“How have you been?”

“What do you want?” He cuts. And it’s not that he isn’t happy to see Natasha, he is, but above it, he knows she is here for a reason and the sooner he knows, the sooner he can put a stop to it.

She exhales loudly, let her bag fall between them, takes her thin black pareo and large hat out before walking to the water and jump in it without a word. Steve blinks as she swims around, unbothered. The red of her natural hair is growing back, giving an interesting ombre effect. Carol is silent next to him but it isn’t as uncomfortable as it could be.

She comes back to Steve maybe thirty minutes later, takes a large serviette out of the bag to dry herself with a satisfied smile. “Remember Lang? Scott”

Yes, Steve remembers. He disappeared at the same time the snap happened.

“So?”

“He was trapped in some sort of pocket dimension. He came back” Carol fills in.

“Good for him” Steve answers. He knows he sounds bitter but he isn’t. When he met Scott, he seemed like a nice guy and they fought together for something he wasn’t even involved directly in.

Natasha seems to think something over “He...has a theory”

Steve rolls his eyes “Don’t...”

“We went to...Tony. I know, I know, listen, it actually makes sense. We can sort of travel through time without using the time stone”

“I swear to God Natasha...” Steve starts, trying to block the little hope she tries to lit in him.

She fully turn to him, put her hand on his arm and he wants to remove it but can’t. “We can go back in time, takes the stone before Thanos put his hands on it and reverse the snap! Steve, we can bring them back!”

First come the shock, then the anger. They can’t talk about it here, not like that.

“Let’s go” he tells them with the intention to bring them back to his hotel.

The way there seems to be an hour long when it’s really not. Once they are in a as private setting as Steve would allow, he asks the pair to explain what is going on.

And there’s a lot of it.

“Why not just go back in time and stop Thanos there?” He asks in frustration.

Natasha bites her lips “People...What about people born in between Steve? We can’t erase them. There would be...repercussions”

He looks in her eyes, squints “Don’t bullshit me”

“Fine, Tony as a daughter now and his condition to help is to not erase her” she reveals.

Steve, honestly, thought he could not hate Tony Stark more but he was wrong. He is often wrong he notices.

He truly has no words. Tony has a daughter now?! What are they planning to do? Reverse the snap in 2024? Bringing people back here? And what about the ones who died before? What about Bucky and Sam?! They don’t have a chance to come back? There’s billions of billions of life across the universe and all of them could stay dead because Tony Stark has a daughter. Or what? They all accept to loose five years of their life?

“This is one of the vilest things I have ever heard” he breathes, then a bit louder when his emotions start to get the best of him “They sent you because they know you’re the only one left that I could listen but this? You have to feel the grossness of it Nat” he almost pleads. “You are okay with that?” He asks Carol.

She looks straight ahead, her jaw moving as she thinks “We...We found Thanos. When you left, we thought we could take him down and use the stone to bring everyone but...” she wipes some tears away in a rare display of raw vulnerability “He destroyed them. He destroyed the stone Steve. We have to go back. This isn’t ideal but this is the best we can do right now”

Steve walks away from them, toward the window “Fine then do what you need to do. Thanks for the heads up”

He notices them looking at each other.

“You have a part to play in it Captain”

Steve looks into her eyes, silently asking if she is joking. When it’s clear that she isn’t, he tries to make it clear for her.

“I lost two people I cared more than anything because of Stark, not Thanos. Yet I have to accommodate him and help bring people who won’t have five years of their life because that asshole has a daughter now. Who gets to decide who lives and who stays dead?”

“I understand why you never want to be anywhere that man again. All we have to say is that this is the right thing to do and I believe you are the kind of man who makes the right thing”

**The right thing?**

The right thing got Bucky and Sam killed and him in a secret prison. He never expected a thank you for doing the right thing but this? This looks like punishment.

“Please think about it” Natasha says, placing a small note with a number on it on the bed.

The two women leaves quickly after that, leaving Steve shocked and angry. More than that, he feels horribly alone.

* * *

He spends one more night there, between the beach, a small restaurant and the hotel.

Then he calls the number in the morning. Even if he doesn’t get Sam and Bucky back, even if it means seeing their killer again, he has to help bring back the ones Thanos killed. It’s bigger than him, far bigger.

* * *

When Tony starts speaking like he is making them a favor by helping Scott with his portal, it takes everything in Steve’s power to keep his mouth shut. Natasha doesn’t leave his side unless she absolutely has to and he suspects it brings her some kind of comfort too so he allows it.

He doesn’t know how to feel about her anymore. Being friend with a spy is complicated and even now he is certain she is as full of secrets as ever. Still, she is one of the rare person he tolerates for extended periods of time. He trusts her and understand that who she has to be is this secretive person, but he hates secrets now so, yeah, complicated.

Someone else he appreciates, even if he is obviously not well these days is Thor.

When he first saw him after all these years, he thought that Thor needed help. He quickly mitigates his judgement, Thor has some sort of depression but the demons following him are similar enough from the one following Steve. He is scared he isn’t worthy anymore. Steve wants to give him wise and encouraging words but they would ring a bit empty and hypocritical. It’s probably why Thor is around sometimes, he doesn’t want to be lied to or fed platitudes.

Bruce tries to keep an eye on him and Steve knows Bruce and Thor have bonded since the professor disappeared years ago. He appreciates their friendship, they balance each other out nicely. That said, Bruce is as traumatized as the rest of them and the Hulk is still nowhere to be found.

There’s a depressed talking raccoon too sometimes and Steve can’t bring himself to care enough to be as surprised as he should be.

Today is another day of trials and errors for Scott’s machine. Steve decides to take some fresh air when they seem to reach another blocking point. The compound is almost empty most of the time, you can easily sit right on the front door and see no one for quite some time. Steve never thought he could find the place peaceful but right now, there’s nothing but the breath of the wind and he likes it.

At least, until he catches the sound of a car, and if Steve isn’t mistaken an expensive one, coming closer.

Tony Starks pulls over right in front of him, black shades on the nose and expensive suit.

“Just the one I was looking for” he announces while getting out.

Steve just glares, wondering what this could possibly be about. The shorter man stands in front of him, hands in and out of his pants pockets every five seconds.

“What do you want?” He asks despite them both knowing that what Steve wants is to be as far as possible a he can from Stark.

“I...I am sorry. For what I did to you”

Oh, so this is **that** conversation.

“What you did to me is nothing next to what you did to them”

He really, really wants to flip it so that it’s Steve fault. It takes a visible effort for him not to say what is passing through his mind and it shows “I was hurt, and I felt betrayed. I thought you would be on my side”

“On your side? About the Accords or about my best friend?”

“Both!” He passes a hand in his hair “What happened to them is a tragedy. I don’t know how to say that I’m sorry”

“On that we agree, you truly don’t” Steve comments “I guess it may be because deep down you think you are still right to this day”. He turns to walk away before turning to face him once more “I don’t accept your fake excuses, just so we clear. I’ll never forget and I’ll never forgive you either”

There is so much more he wants to say, but if he truly opens that door, he isn’t sure how things would end.

* * *

Scott’s portal works which is good news, the bad one? He is stuck with Stark for his mission. Of all the duos or trios, he HAS to go with him. He hates it but isn’t vocal about it. There’s no need after all, the look Natasha and Rhodey send his way are enough to know they understand. If Tony has a problem with it, he doesn’t say anything to him either. All he wants is to be done with all of this.

Gather all the stones, create another one of these “gauntlets” and snap half the universe back to life. Easy.

When Steve comes back in time, he isn’t quite sure he can stomach everything that is happening.

He sees Peggy. An older one, one that had a family after his “death”. For a small moment he wonders what if? What if he stayed there? It doesn’t last. There are not meant to be and he found love in the new century, even if this love has been taken away from him. It feels like closure, to see her be the leading woman he always known her to be.

He has to fight his past self to get one of the stones, and it’s one of the worst experience of his life. It’s weird to have a taste of your own medicine. Also, he steal his own shield.

Of course the temptation to run away and find Sam is there. It may be his only chance after all. He could just, go back later...it wouldn’t matter for the others, but it matters to him and... No, he can’t do that, he realizes. If he sees Sam now, he won’t want to leave, he knows it. What they are doing is more important than him even if he needs to see his husband one last time. Steve doesn't actually fully believes it but he has to believe it enough to go back with Tony.

The mission almost fails but they managed to turn it around and bring back the mind and space stone.

Natasha is dead. Sacrificed herself to get one of the stones. He doesn’t really realize. It’s just words. Words he really doesn’t want to understand the meaning of. If you ask him, Natasha is still around and could pop up anytime.

Denial.

Someone else disappeared, Nebula, caught by her past self it seemed. Steve has a bad feeling about it but maybe it has to do with how he wants to throw up, he isn’t sure.

He isn’t the only one who stole from his past self, Thor did the the same so he could get his trusted Mjöllnir back. Now he has two really cool weapons. Yeah, Steve is impressed, who wouldn’t have a cool lighting throwing hammer?

Despite the losses, Bruce immediately starts to work on the stones. This close to each other, there is a power that can be feel by everyone. It’s heavy and oppressing, like someone you don’t know breathing right down your neck. You want to do something about it, but aren’t sure what exactly.

Based on Thor knowledge, Bruce and Tony manages to create a fake gauntlet. There’s no trial here, it’s either it works or it doesn’t. Carol wants to do it but Bruce argues that his abilities may be more in tunes with the stones frequencies. Steve isn’t sure it makes sense and doesn’t want anything to happen to him but since the Hulk persona and his regular human persona seems to work together now, he guess he, (they?), should be okay.

There’s a tension as the gauntlet widen itself to accommodate the large hand trying to fit inside.

Once comfortable, Banner smiles and gives a thumbs up. One by one, the stones are added on the gauntlet and each times, Bruce’s frowns deepen.

“You okay there Big guy?” Rocket asks worriedly.

“We’ll find out”

“Be careful my friend” Thor says, his body as tense as it could be. Bruce gives him another smile and close his eyes.

He snaps his fingers.

After a few seconds, he opens his eyes and shrug, looking at the gauntlet to find what he may have done wrong “I don’t think- ARGH” he screams as the gauntlets glow.

He falls on the ground, rolling while he hold his forearm in pain and energy bounces out of the gauntlet. Carol and Tony manages to take the gauntlet back but the damages are done and the muscular arm look nothing but burnt. Steve never saw Banner physically suffering this much.

“Bring him to the medical bay!” Rhodey orders, Carol and Thor immediately helping the giant.

Tony observes the fake gauntlet before posing it carefully in a box made for it.

“I don’t understand” he starts “It should have worked. It should!”

“We don’t know how to use them” Rocket comments “We’re lucky it didn’t just go boom boom in our face!”

Steve feels dizzy, his guts in even more revolt now. He needs some fresh water and to busy himself to avoid thinking about how they failed. Shield on his back, he makes his way to the bathroom on the east aisle and is barely inside went everything turn to hell.

He registers the sound just fast enough to put the shield above his head and then he his thrown on the ground by the sheer force of the explosion. How many time passes? He can’t tell, but he has dust all in his mouth and vertigo for a few seconds before his body allows him to get on his knees.

A quick check on himself reveals nothing major. What remains of the bathroom wall has to be pushed so he can get outside. If he had chose the closest bathroom earlier, this would not have been as easy, for sure.

The relief of knowing the compound is in the middle of nowhere so there won’t be innocent casualties is a short one. Someone or something obliterated the place and by the large dark mass coming into view, he guesses who it might be pretty fast.

There’s not a lot of time to wonder about the others. Shield in hand, he walks toward the closest spaceship and is joined by Thor and Tony. He hopes more survived.

“I lost the gauntlet, Clint is looking for it” Tony warns quietly, full armor on.

“We need to buy him time then”

Steve knows he is going to die but if Clint gets the gauntlet, maybe all isn’t lost?

A white beam of light comes from the largest ship and a single thing appears on the ground.

Steve must admits, even from far away, Thanos seems menacing. His hand becomes stronger on the shield. The alien moves his arm and actually throws something on the ground.

“I don’t know why my daughter thought she could betray me, but I guess she still had one more lesson to learn”

Steve sees with horror what he just toss on the ground like a morbid ball, Nebula's head.

“Son of a bitch” Tony says through this teeth.

“So” Thanos continues “there’s the easy way” he lifts one hand and multiple beams appears behind him, revealing an army of creatures Steve never saw in his life “Or the fun way. Bring me the stones”

“Sorry, shop’s closed already. All of the earth actually. Take your little army out of our planet before we whoop your raisin ass”

Ah, Tony and his big mouth.

Someone on Thanos’s side comes closer to him by floating. Whatever he says, it makes Thanos laugh loudly.

“I am enough for these insects”

They step on the battlefield and none of them feels really ready but no matter what, they have to trust Clint.

Thanos is faster than his size would let believe. Thor and Tony already have experience fighting him and clearly, they learned a few tricks. The three of them are only able to stop him but not gain the advantage and Steve realize that he is toying with them.

“Got it” someone announce from behind and it’s the floating man, thing, alien. One fluid hand gesture and he moves some blocks out of the way, Clint’s body elevates itself in the air while he is trying to hold on something.

“LET ME GO!”

“Now, human, give us what’s belong to my master” he says, dangerously close to Clint.

“You want it? Take THAT”

A purple beam goes from the gauntlet to multiple people through the army and all hell breaks loose. The floating man has been directly hit and there a part of its face missing. The slow way his body has to fall on the ground is upsetting. Unfortunately, Clint clearly doesn’t know what he is doing and several stones are scattered all around.

While Thanos is clearly less amused and his army gets closer, Bruce, Carol and Scott all emerges from the compound, Rocket lunching a huge missile to Thanos’s face, barely able to make him bleed.

Rhodey emerges right behind them with a brand new armor and takes the sky to make as much damages he can.

Steve isn’t sure what is going on after that, he tries his hardest not to let Thanos near any stone. The shield is getting dents under the powerful blows and Steve’s whole body is hurting. It is however nothing compare to what happens next.

Clint is after the power stone but one alien manage to get there before him and throws it in Thanos’ way.

Steve can’t grab it in time and he locks eyes with Thanos the second he smiles and punches Steve right in the chest with his glowing purple fist.

His body takes several seconds before touching anything and then he rolls, rolls and violently meet a lot of rocks before falling in a small hole inside the rest of the building.

When he gets enough consciousness to move, he feels shaky and weak. He has a way harder time pushing a simple block and finally notices his arm. Arms even. They are so thin. So bony.

His whole blood turns to ice and he pats himself, his body screaming with pain and his clothes awfully too wide on his smaller frame. With a scream he manages to get out but he can barely see what is going on so far from him.

“No, please no” he touches his faces and can’t stop the tears from falling “Please, not now, noooo”

“So, this is your real appearance. It isn’t all that impressive” Thanos says, blocking Thor’s hammer before sending it one way and him the other, right in the middle of four legged creatures.

Steve can’t even make one step before tripping on his pants so he decides to act before they became the death of him.

Out of his shirt and pants, he is swimming in the white tee and black boxer. The shoes? Pff, barely usefull.

“What are you going to do? You look so pathetic. On your knees and I might kill you quickly”

“Fuck you” Steve simply answers, raising his fists in front of him, blood almost falling into his eyes.

There’s a piercing pain into his shoulder as something comes inside and drags his body along before kicking him against a remaining wall. He screams, grabbing the long alien spear.

There’s a tall woman with horn looking all too smug before Thanos looks at her.

“Sorry master”

“Bring me back the stones”

“Yes master”

And with that she is gone. For a moment all Steve can do is look his team slowly loosing, clearly outnumbered.

Thanos starts talking about victory and how they should have thanked him and how he is inevitable but Steve can’t hear everything through this bad ear and pain in the shoulder.

He truly thinks this is over when Thanos shift suddenly, looking around him.

For a second, it looks like nothing is going on but soon there are golden sparkles on their left and it gets wide enough so something can come through.

A woman riding a winged horse, sword in hand, appears and immediately start slashing through the enemy horde.

Then dozens of them opens and suddenly, King T’Challa is here with his guard and sister, then a bunch of aliens he doesn’t recognize. What he can tell, however, is that they have to be on their side.

Carol lands next to him and take the spears back, locking eyes with Steve who almost screams again at the pain. This arm is useless now.

“You need to leave, now” she says.

“No!” and as if everything stopped, shoulder bleeding, almost naked on the battlefield “Avengers ASSEMBLE!” He shouts as loud as his bad lungs allows him to, coughing right after miserably.

The battle is even more complex now, with other space ships descending from the sky, some friends, some foes. Carol grins at him before flying in all her glowing glory through the ship Thanos came from, destroying it.

He looks mad as hell and send some sort of giant flying worm attack Scott giant form.

Steve watches with horror his friend get bite before he reduces his size to escape. The Spider boy, Parker? Swings among the aliens with the gauntlet Bruce used and three stones on it.

T’Challa manages to throw him the space one and a man calling himself Strange is battling the horned woman for the time stone.

Ultimately, a goblin looking alien with a double edged sword lands a hit on Peter who fall on the ground, clinching his side. There a sentient tree trying to help but he ends up cut in half and the gauntlet is making its way to Thanos.

Thor tries to stop the goblin but Thanos hit him so hard he disappears from Steve’s vision.

“GROOT” Rocket screams somewhere, attacking everything in his fury. He sends a smoke grenade and unfortunately, Thanos isn’t bothered by it. He still gets his hand on the gauntlet and with it, in less than two minute, he finally gets the final stone coming to him.

Steve starts to run toward him on instinct, fear making him move to stop him however he can.

Carol arrives just in time to prevent Thanos from snapping his fingers but an enemy attacks her from behind, making her fall on one knee.

“YOU KILLED US?!” a woman shouts, one with green skin.

Isn’t that Nebula with her? Steve certain he saw her broken head rolled earlier.

They both attack Thanos who is enraged by now “You stupid little things! You can’t stop me!”

Tony and Pepper fires a small laser at him and it’s barely enough to make him take a step back but its still enough to force Thanos to let the green warrior woman go.

Steve must have lost too much blood and be delirious right now. “You can do it” he hears Bucky say on his right. “This isn’t over, Steve” Sam says on his left.

“Please help me” he pleads, running as fast as he can until something collides with his remaining good hand.

Mjöllnir?

He grabs the hammer and feels a pulse through all of his body, almost too much to handle before a flash nearly blinds him. Is it possible to be hit by lighting? That’s what he is almost certain just happened.

He is still running, faster than a few seconds ago, faster than with the serum.

“Ready, Worthy?” Thor shouts, a big grin on his bloody face.

Yeah, he is.

Parker jumps above them, grabs Thanos’s head thanks to his web and yank hard so Carol is able to keep all of Thanos’s fingers open.

“ **YOU ARE NOTHING** ”

The horned alien is coming to help but another woman with antennas intercepts her and she falls heavily on the ground. Steve has no idea what she did to her but it doesn’t matter.

Before Thanos can escape, Thor makes sure he can’t snap these fingers again by cutting at the forearm.

“ARGHHH!”

“NOW” Carol screams just has a large purple hand grabs her by the neck.

Steve goes so fast he thinks he is flying, in fact, he is. It feels warm, a familiar feeling of fear and excitement, just like when Sam held on to him and made them float just above the ground.

Something gets to him however and his leg...his left leg is gone.

It doesn’t hurt. Not really.

He is too scared to feel the pain anyway, and too determined.

With all his might and all he has left, he prays. It’s been a long time since he prayed and, this time, it isn’t even in the God he once believed in. He prays to Bucky and to his Sammy. He prays that he will soon be joining them in the afterlife. He prays that he won’t just be alone like in the Raft, he wants to be with them, far from all this madness and pain. He misses them so much, but before he can see them again, he has to finish this. Please, let him finish this.

Surrounded by electricity and foreign energy, he hit the gauntlet and the stones hard with Thor’s hammer. For a second, the titan and he lock eyes, a battle of will that seems to last for an hour.

It isn't the hammer’s shock that really breaks the gauntlet and probably the hand under it, it’s the lighting, increased thousand times even by Thor's own powers.

He hears a crack and sees his body starts to disintegrate.

“I failed” he thinks, his vision getting blurrier and darker immediately ”Sam...”


	3. Chapter 3

The pain doesn’t stop. There they are, his first emotions when he is dead, pain. Pain and deception.

This headache is probably the worst one he ever experienced. How can your head hurt if you don’t have a head anymore?!

The pain gradually disappears and he feels like he can suddenly breathe again.

Breathe?

He **is** breathing.

The first attempt to open his eyes doesn’t work. His whole body isn’t responding which initially scares him. Finally he calms himself and waits. Slowly, very slowly, it improves. He seems to have two legs and two arms which is nice because it’s not what he remembers. His body is definitely in one of these too soft beds.

Someone is around, shuffling and taping something on a screen before leaving without a word. He can’t be sure where he is and what is happening without opening his eyes but doing so would reveal he is conscious. _As if they don't have something monitoring me so closely they already know about that,_ he tells himself.

There isn’t a lot of choices here so he carefully opens his eyes, his body protesting every move, even just pushing up his eyelids feels excessively hard.

The vision is as blurry as when he was younger and without his glasses until it starts adjusting.

The room is familiar but the thought is quickly replaced when he notes the hospital gown he is wearing. Lifting an arm, it looks like his past self. Not the skinny and bonny one and not the...Thor-like one, the Captain one. The only difference is that, if he looks closely, he can make a discoloration on the back of his right hand like some intricate, paler, tattoo.

No matter where he is, he wants to get out. There’s only him in the small room so this is the perfect occasion and nothing is plugged to his body in any way from what he can tell. On the only chair in the room, clothes are waiting for him. He swings his legs on the side of the bed and sits before jumping on his feet, way too confident in itself. His legs wobbles comically and he has to reach out for the bed to stabilize himself. He fixes and touches the one he lost in the battle, how can it be there as good as new? This is crazy.

He takes a deep breath and when he is finally able to stand on his feet, tries again. This time is more successful but he stops when he hears the radio start to play an old broadcast announcing it’s 1941.

Impossible he thinks, before grabbing the clothes and fleeing the hospital.

Left, end of the hallway, down one floor, emergency exit.

His heart is pounding loud as the memories are almost exactly the same as what he already lived.

Time square, just like the first time.

Someone must be toying with his memories. _It can’t be real,_ he tries to reason.

“Captain Rogers. I am from SHIELD” the familiar voice introduces behind him. “It must be confusing but you have been asleep for...”

“70 years” he finishes.

It really can’t be real, can it? He was on the battlefield, his body got broken and there was a light... It must be a trick from Thanos. Or the stones?

He takes a step back, seeing surprise in Fury’s eye. Trying to think as rationally as he can, he decides to speak “It would be too complicated to explain exactly why, Nick, but I don’t know if I can trust what I’m seeing right now”

“How do you know my name?”

Steve doesn't answer his question “Until I can be sure this is real, I can’t come with you, I hope you understand”

Before Fury can stop him, Steve is running away, feet hitting the street as fast as he can. Using all the tricks he learne, he disappears in the mass.

How can you know for sure you aren't manipulated or loosing your mind? Even if he happened to find an Infinity stone, how can he ever be sure this isn’t all in his head?

This question doesn’t leave him, bringing his heart closer to unshakable darkness each day. After four days in the streets, he knows he has to do something, real or not, so he decides to go in Harlem.

He knows this is a giant bet he is taking here but he has to. He has to check, if only for his sanity. It won’t prove anything but even then, he just need a glimpse, nothing more. After a while, he ends up in the partially familiar neighborhood. The pizzeria hasn’t yet replaced the laundromat and the Harlem Grand with his old washed-out color scheme still stands proudly.

The closer he gets, the more scared he gets. The house is here. Just like he remembers. Just like the first time he went there to bring Sam back after what they both refused to qualified as their first date, and then when he came with Natasha for help.

He smiles for the first time in what feels like an eternity.

There’s movement inside so he rushes under the window, hiding as well as he can but wanting too bad to hear him again. Distantly, he knows he must look extra suspicious in broad daylight, splattered under a window but he has to hear his voice just a bit.

“...Can’t stay inside for the whole week baby”

_Darlene. It’s Darlene voice!_ He recognizes with barely contained joy. “I know it’s still hard but you are supposed to start your new job soon. You need to keep this one”

He doesn’t hear the answer but Darlene speaks again a moment later.

“This isn’t what you want to hear but this is what you need. You will lose the house if you can’t pay and we are not doing like last year again, Samuel”

“Fine!” Sam concedes, clearly frustrated and more loudly than before, closer too.

It’s one word only but it still makes Steve cry on the spot and put his hand on his mouth to control the whine he lets out.

Maybe he can just take a quick look just...

“You need to start again your life Sam. I know what it’s like to loose someone you though you had way more time with. Believe me”

And Steve understands. It took some time for Sam to get over Riley’s death. It is, unfortunately, something they share. By now, it must be around a year since he came back from his tour. From what he knows, Sam barely had his shit together at this time both because of Riley and the traumas he gained from what he thought was his calling. He admitted to Steve that he made choices he wasn't exactly proud of at that time, like lie to his family, take easy money jobs and generally try to find how to numb his brain enough to go to the next day.

Steve wants to see him so much, take him in his arms and never let go.

Except his Sam, is dead.

No matter who this Sam is, he isn’t the one he married and before he ruins his life, he needs to leave and never cross his path. This Sam deserves to have a life free of him. So Steve pushes himself far from the house, walking aimlessly into the streets for another two or three days.

What day is it when someone comes sit next to him on a bench? He couldn't tell.

The parc itself is kind of small, just a bit of green so the neighborhood kids can feel like they know what nature’s supposed to be like.

He must look as miserable as he feels. He gives her a glance and has no idea how he is supposed to feel anyway. She is here, just like Sam is here, but Steve...Steve isn't sure if he believes everything just yet. Maybe it’s paranoia but he has no means to know for certain.

“Hi, I’m...”

“Natasha Romanov. The Black Widow and a future cat lady” he answers without looking at her anymore.

“Seriously? Me, a cat lady?” her laughs feels like a warm sunray on his skin.

He remembers how she actually ends and the warmth disappears.

“Are you here to arrest me?” He questions back, already knowing the government wouldn’t leave him alone for long. Not their toy, not until he starts saying ”no” too much and exposed them.

“No, but you may need some help”

Her tone is soft and Steve just wants to spill all his secrets to her “The whole universe needs help Nat. God, I’m so lost” he admits. Since he came back, there’s a lingering tiredness that refuses to leave.

“You want to tell me what happened to you? How you know this much about people you never met before?”

He laughs, not in mockery but in disbelief “That’s the thing. We actually did meet before, Natalia”

She clearly resists the urge to hit him, he really touched a nerve by calling her by that name.

This is the type of conversation she doesn't want an audience for, so she proposes that they go somewhere private. He forgot how of a flirt she was at first, both to protect herself and have him in his hand. It did not work the first time, neither will this time.

When he accepts, surprising her, she wonders if it’s because he claims to know her, or if it’s because he is slowly losing all hope in everything.

“This is insane” Maria comments while she crosses her arms again. “Are we sure we got the right guy in the first place? Maybe the defrosting fried his mind”

Fury, Maria and Natasha are next to the interrogation room, observing the super soldier through a one way mirror. A quick conversation with Steve pushed them to put him in a secured place until they figure out what to do with him. Fury is sure that this is THE Steve Rogers, they made every test possibles twice.

“Could he be a telepath?”

Fury considers it but ultimately disagrees “How would he know about Wakanda then? None of us knew about that place. This sounds fishy as hell but I may believe him”

Maria shakes her head, this isn’t what she thought would happen when they told her they were bringing back Captain America.

“The problem is that he won’t believe us. He thinks he is trapped somewhere or that an alien is messing with his mind so we are all his imaginary friends” Natasha continues, turning to take another look at the man sitting in the grey room. He is playing with his hand, as if something used to be there.

She heard stories about Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter but she also had some whispers about him and his best pal James Barnes. Whatever the truth is, this man is experimenting loss and looks haunted. She does wonder about bringing him in this world, what good does it make to him? Not that they would ask her.

“So how do we convince him this is real? Hell, I can’t think of a single thing that would work for me if I was in his shoes” Maria wonders.

So far, the man has been rather compliant, they’ll give him that, but they are clearly reaching a limit. They separate without a clear plan of action, Natasha being the only one staying beside Steve to settle him in his quarters.

* _The next day_ *

If they can not persuade him, he needs to persuade himself. She knows this is manipulation 101 but she hopes he understands why she does what she does. If he truly knows her, as he suggests, he can see through this anyway.

“Where are we going?” He asks after a while, the sound of traffic the only thing breaking the silence between them since Natasha started driving.

Steve isn't all that attentive and only recognizes the place when they park in front of the building not that far from the Zoo. He went here once after all. Finally, he shows some surprise and less apathy, Natasha is almost pleased until he looks at her with clear disapproval.

“This is low” he comments even if he makes his way to the retirement home without waiting for her.

Why would she bring him here? It doesn't matter who he sees now, it could be fake just the same. He gets in his head in a matter of seconds, doesn't really pay attention to anything or anyone.

”Excuse me”

Steve practically jumps when **Sam** passes next to him and goes inside quickly. Instinct takes over and he follows, his body reclaiming what he denied himself the last time.

Sam is only dropping a brown package and makes the man working here electronically sign a little control box. Steve never saw him with a beard that big, he would have teased him if it was his Sam...but this **IS** Sam, it can’t be fake. His eyes are downcast anad Steve can make a darker rim around his right, slightly puffy eye. Did he got into a fight? Sam notices him and quickly looks away, his posture suddenly on the defensive. As soon as the exchange is done, he passes him again to get out and Steve stays here, frozen.

He told himself to leave him alone this time, **HE** decided that, real or fake. Of course he turns to see him again but it's too late, the door is already closing on his shadow.

”Sir?” the man behind the large desk call.

The choice is already made, he repeats himself, forcing his body to clear his throat. He locks the feelings threatening to swallowing him whole in a mental box, a technique he learned from Natasha.

”Yes, hi, sorry, I’m here to see Peggy Carter?”

It doesn’t take long before he is led toward a communal kitchen with five ladies talking animatedly. They are not the only one here but they are definitely the noisiest.

“Now come on Charline, do you want us all drunk by supper?”

“That’s the real recipe! Got it from my aunt”

“You lucky I can’t search through the Gogole to save my life but I know this is a lie, sis”

“It’s Google, Belinda, not The Gogole” Peggy laughed, her grey hair shorter than when Steve saw her initially.

It messes up Steve a bit more instead of helping him. The choice to go talk to her or not is taken away from him because of the noise the redhead makes behind him. When did she sneak up on him?

The look Peggy gives him is nothing like the one she gave when he came to visit her at the hospital. He hates that no one at least warned her.

“What does this mean?” She asks glacially.

She seems so much like the Peggy he knows from the war, it’s hard to imagine that in a few months only her health is going to deteriorate that much. His doubts be damned, he wants a to talk to her, he wants to see the light she usually had in the eyes instead of the dull version of it she will soon get.

Is he wasting time? Is this what is going on? Right now, he wants to talk to her, so he does.

It’s been two hours and she gently nudge a cup of tea in her, surprisingly comfortable, room.

“I get why you would think this isn’t real Steve. All you can do is trust your guts”

“If it’s real, I don’t think I can do it again Peg’. I can’t”

Eyes filled with sadness, she takes his hand. The sensation is so familiar and, once again, different, it’s hard to believe it would be all game and smoke. It’s so hard in fact he had to fight the tears and a bit of a mental break down.

They talk until the visitation hours are over. It's a bit complicated at times since Steve isn’t sure he should tell everything about the supposed future just yet. She told him to trust his guts but how? He can’t trust his own mind.

When they go back to the car, Steve is even more defeated, unable to say for certain if this is reality or not.

”I heard of someone” he finally says to Natasha ”Strange. He is a doctor, I think”. She raises an eyebrow at him ”He calls himself Doctor Strange and he does magic”

”Magic?”

”I don’t know much about him but maybe he can...dunno, help me know for sure? Maybe this is crazy. Maybe I’m crazy Nat, and I can’t make up my mind about all of this” he adds with unfiltered despair.

She considers his words and nods before starting the car.

Find a Doctor Strange isn't exactly hard despite the fact that Steve knows next to nothing about the guy. At least, he knows his face so he can confirm that they have the right man. The problem is that this Strange is just a regular doctor and not someone who seems to know or believe the first thing about magic.

”Is it possible you got it wrong?” Natasha asks in front of the hospital.

This is the right guy, he is sure of it. He just isn't that Doctor Strange yet it seems. After all, he has quite some years in advance.

After this setback, Steve agrees to follow Nat to Shield’s headquarters but knowing that half of everyone is Hydra makes him want to throw up.

This fact hit him suddenly.

Fake or real, he can still try to do better than the first time. Save people he couldn't, stop others sooner. And maybe, just maybe, he can bring Bucky home and avoid some of his grim fate.

This is a chance he has to take, he won’t ever forgive himself if he let Bucky suffer because he just can’t trust his own mind enough.

Just in case.

He stops Natasha with a hand on her arm and she looks at him with a questioning stare ”I need you to do something for me”

They get in a room with a few other people, Steve needs to make sure that conversation stays between them, between people he trusts.

”I am not sure how much I can actually tell you about the timeline where I am from” he starts ”But there is some things I should warn you about”

They look at each other, then Steve. Natasha, Maria, Fury, Sharon and Clint are in the room with him, an hour only after Steve started to reveal some things to Natasha.

It’s insane, really, Hydra infiltrating Shield, the incoming alien invasion, Thanos... Steve tells them about the three threats and sees their face going from ”He is crazy” to ”Wait a second, is that possible?” and finally, setting on ”We need to do something”. Fury can corroborate some things like Carol and the aliens.

He doesn't reveal everything and there are things he doesn’t know what to make of, he can only hope he is making the right choice right now. Honestly, even the super-soldier finds curious that Fury trusts him without knowing him yet but facts are facts and he tells nothing but the truth. Maria, on the other hand, second guesses and checks everything that Steve says. Far from being offended, he encourages her to do so even.

Dumping all of this is hard on them, Sharon seems a bit lost in all this, but maybe this is because she isn't as experienced as when he met her originally.

They try to form the beginning of a plan and Steve speaks again, ”The first thing I need is to rescue someone from Hydra. He has been brainwashed by them. It’s one of the Winter Soldiers”

”There’s more than one?” Maria asks while taking some notes.

”Yes. In my timeline they were all killed before we got to them. All except one. James Barnes”

It’s a lot to take, he knows it but maybe they can get to him, to all of them, and save them. He has to believe this is possible, no matter the reality, he will save Bucky.

The operation they have to organize to save the Soldiers is more delicate than anticipated, especially with their rat invasion problem. Maria is the one suggesting that they use Alexander Pierce to their advantage since they now know how the man would react to his project Insight being threatened, even this early on.

“There’s no guarantee they’ll send Barnes” Clint warns during the meeting.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s bigger than him” Fury answers, making sure Steve and him are on a similar page, even if he knows the only priority to him is his best friend “We are not here to stop the Soldier they send but to track them to their base”

“Weren’t the other Soldiers in Siberia?” Sharon asks then.

This would be worth checking but Steve isn't sure this would be the best action course “We are ahead of schedule of a few years. Once we know the base, we have some reckon to do”

He is nervous, he wants to light all of Hydra on fire so they are forced to get out of their hole. Still, they need a more exhaustive list of who they can and can’t trust because even if Steve does remember names, it’s nowhere near enough.

“I’ll deal with Pierce” Natasha announces “Clint, you get Sitwell?” He nods as an answer.

Everyone has a task, everyone knows what to do. Maybe he still a bit unsure if this is true or not but the determination is here, one hundred percent.

At the end of this secret meeting, Fury tells him “Changing the future can be dangerous and I trust that if you made it to 2024, it’s because nothing is bad enough to stop you”

While this argument may hold some ground, Steve would very much argue that an alien invasion is something quite problematic. He still remembers that the government gave his go to nuke New York and this isn’t something he wants to experience again.

It takes some time but eventually, they set their plan in motion. Steve never would have imagined himself as some tactical mastermind, pulling the strings over conspiracies and well-hidden secrets but here he is, following the Winter Soldier they sent to eliminate Fury just as predicted. It’s not Bucky though, she is a tall blonde woman with short hair and a curious enhancement making hitting her physically surprisingly hard.

They made quite the show, letting her believe she had killed Fury, who really ended up hurt anyway. It was necessary as it allowed them to put a tracker on the vanishing super-soldier. Without it, there would have been no way they could have followed her to that hidden Hydra base in Pond Mountain.

In his original run, Steve went to that base too when he was looking for Bucky but it already had been deserted. To think that he may be here now is filling him with an uneasy feeling of excitement as well as deception with himself.

”They’ll be here in an hour” Maria announces next to him.

He nods. Fury is out, they only have few people they can trust to take care of him and then they have to deal with a whole base and the Soldiers.

Natasha, Sharon, and Clint arrive first with a plan of the base, Clint doesn't want to talk about how he got his hands on this and Steve doesn't press. The rest of the team is on time and they can start their operation.

This specific base is one of the most maze-y Steve has seen and the map takes some time to be apprehended, especially since they want to extract the Soldiers without alerting the whole place. Steve not publicly being back as Captain America is also a priceless advantage. No one looks at him twice and if anyone happened to notice her, her reputation would simply make them believe she is on their side.

It takes them two additional hours to have everyone at their spot and start their little dance to get the enemy just where they need them to.

“The plane is ready” Clint warns over their com’.

“We are waiting for you with the truck” Sharon adds right after.

Natasha is guiding them, Steve, Maria and agent Antoine Triplett to the place they are supposed to keep the dormant Soldiers.

Steve remembers that in Siberia, they had seven cryopods and five of them had been occupied then.

When they finally makes it to the room, something close to a medical room he guesses, it’s chaos, the blond soldier isn’t willing to be whipped and someone is pointing a gun at her. On the left side of the room, there’s only two pods and the one occupied isn’t by Bucky, they can tell that much. Someone must have opened it because the man is getting out, one hand on his head, trying to catch his breath.

“STOP THEM” a woman in a long white coat shouts.

Two guards comes closer to the Man but a hand quickly disarms one of them.

Steve immediately jumps into action, deviating the weapon aimed at the woman at the last moment anyway but while the other team members follow his lead, another door on the right opens and three people steps in, two humongous women and Bucky right in the middle.

He is supported by them and seems, if not hurt, not well at least.

“INTRUDERS” the same scientist shouts again.

The closest is Sharon who ends up knocked against a wall by one of the two bodybuilders.

“BUCKY!!” Steve shouts as loud as he can.

For a second, they lock eyes and there’s no sign that Bucky would know who Steve is. Antoine tries to get to him, distract the second woman enough to force her to release Bucky.

Steve makes the first step, thinking that his friend is too hurt to stand but in fact, he grabs something that turns out to be a blade from the woman's back and stick it in her before turning on his heals and disappearing as fast as he can from where he has been brought.

“What the hell?” Natasha swears next to Steve. “Go! We take care of them” she instructs and Steve bolts like he has a fire under his feet.

The problem is that Bucky is already distancing Steve because contrary to the blond, he knows how to easily navigate the place, not hesitating to jump through windows and shot at people on the way to provoke more chaos. In his hands, everything becomes a weapon.

There’s an elevator and Steve knows that if Bucky gets inside without him, he won’t be able to catch him. He is so close, his hand can touch him, so he tries and fails.

“Bucky, stop!”

As an answer, he got a kick in the head and a bullet in the right tight.

He sees him step in the elevator, look at him and say “Who the hell is Bucky?” before the doors closes and he is out of reach.

“Not again!” Steve complains before going back so he can explain the situation to the rest of the team.

Nat’s team got the two Soldiers, one of them is following them willingly but the other has been shot and is unconscious. They have ten minutes max before someone comes down there and ring the alarm.

Antoine and Sharon have seen better days but they are all meeting Clint on time. It’s a bit harder for Steve to find his way back to the room where the fight happened but he manages it and has to knock out two hydra agents starting to wake up.

“Hurry Cap, we need to leave in five”

Left, right..no, left again, there it is. People are busy here and no one gives two shits about Steve, allowing him to go through the place to the metal grey plane on the A6 place.

Everyone is already inside, the two soldiers laying in a bed, Natasha and three others agents are next to them, the smallest of them is monitoring their vitals on a screen.

“Sleep is optimal” she says “They don’t seems to have the exact same physiology however. This one...” she points to the man “has a higher regenerative rate than her but hey shot him with something that should keep he knocked out for an hour or two"

“She is way harder to hit anyway” Natasha explains “ wonder if she was already like that or if they toyed with her DNA. Did you get shot? Jesus, Steve”

He rolls his eyes but sits, waiting for the medic to be available.

“You really think they’ll listen, Rogers?” Clint asks loudly from the cockpit “Besides, what do we do about your friend?”

“I have to trust him. He needs time right now. We just have to make sure they don’t get their hand on him again”

Most of the team looks at him, some with concern and other in shock.

“I know this sound stupid but believe me, there’s no use running after him just yet” he continues “If we chase him, he’ll disappear and we’ll waste years anyway”

Trusting Bucky to make his way back from the Winter Soldier is not an easy decision, however, he knew this was a possibility before the mission. He would have preferred to catch him, of course, but he failed so now, time for plan B.

“Are we sure he is out?” He still asks, needing to know for sure that he gave him the best chance.

“Affirmative” an agent answers immediately. He has been spotted heading north, no one on his tail”

It brings relief to Steve. He will do better this time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I hope you all are doing well, let's start this week with a new chapter which will be the last Steve's focused chapter for now.

Changing the timeline is tricky, Steve learns.

He has worked really hard to improve the future to the best of his abilities but for each threat he successfully counteracted, new ones emerged. Things didn't go his way half the time, for example when came the time for Shield’s cleaning, the operation put Steve and Fury at odds because of the methods the later wanted to use. Steve lost that battle.

Then came Loki who still managed to put his hands on the Tesseract. While they were able to stop his army smoothly, the battle still made its way into New-York’s streets. The team had decided to conceal their identity, no one needed to know that Steve Grant Rogers was alive which he insisted on, no more being a symbol for him. Convincing Thor and Bruce to be careful however had been a challenge for sure.

These two trusted Steve even less now that in the original timeline but at least they understood why going public could complicate things and attract the wrong kind of attention. Not that a God of thunder and a Hulk could be all that discreet anyway. They caught the God of mischief, if trying to conquer a planet and murder innocent people could be qualified as mere "mischief". Thor is adamant that his brother isn't as bad as it seems but action speaks louder than words so Steve gives him an unconvinced look as the two of them teleport to Asgard.

Maria became the face of the whole thing, working with a team to make sure Shield’s image was as good as it could be. Coulson was still alive but he left Shield a few months ago which made Fury quite salty. If Steve didn't know better, he would say that he acted like a scorned lover but that couldn’t be right.

* * *

* _ **Sokovia - February 2015**_ *

One of Steve’s mistake in this new timeline had been not to take care of General Ross. That man tried to take control of their “Special Intervention Unit”, his obsession with Banner staying annoyingly persistent. Fury takes care of it, at least, that"s what Steve believes.

He is waiting for Natasha to end her phone call and knows it‘s trouble at the way she looks at him briefly. Twice. There isn’t a lot of intimacy in the car but he manages not to eavesdrop too much. He figures that if she wants him to know firsthand, she would put the speakers.

“We need to come back to Chicago right now Steve”

They had been on the snowy road for an hour already, right after arresting Von Strucker and cleaning his base. Because Steve saw no trace of Wanda or her brother, he had wanted to find her home to make sure she was okay, it is not an easy task since her home had been bombed by a Stark's missile.

“I want to check on...”

“You won’t find them here. The Maximoff twins are on US soil. With Ross”

Steve stops the car on the side of the road, giving an incredulous stare to his friend. This could not be. Why would they be there? Strucker never got his hands on the stone, therefore, they shouldn’t be of any use to someone like Ross. They should still be regular humans.

“How?”

“This is one information locked tight. There’s a rumor that he is preparing something”

Steve nods sharp but it take a few minutes to actually notice that Natasha is still just as tense. Carefully risking a glance at her, he frowns.

“Please, don’t tell me there’s more”

She has that “bad news” smile and Steve tries to focus on the road but it‘s increasingly hard, even the prettiness of the light snow falling couldn’t distract him.

“He got the scepter and with it, the mind stone”

Steve doesn’t hold back the “Shit!” that wanted and needed to get out. He thought they had take care of it, Fury was the one keeping it.

He drives back to their plane like a madman. He tried so hard to make the best out of his second chance, only to make things just as bad or worse sometimes, he hates it.

“Do we got news from the Running Soldier?” He asks when they take place in their plane, hungry for some good or at least, neutral news.

Natasha gives him a suggestive smile and no matter how many times he assures her he was not in love with Bucky, she ignores him totally.

“Still in the US. I’m kind of surprised. Still under the radar for the most part but he has been spotted here and there”

It makes him smile, he sure worked hard to make sure people who may have been able to hurt his friend could not anymore and, to be honest, most of them couldn’t do anything anymore. Zemo has been one lucky bitch that Maria had been there when Steve found him, otherwise, he would have joined the list of dead Hydra or Hydra adjacent person.

All of this is to assure Bucky the best chances at recovery on his own terms. Steve trusts him to find his way back to the light and maybe to their friendship if he wanted but he knew he shouldn’t force it. Because he wasn’t a public figure anymore, it may take longer for Bucky to remember but he hopes, maybe, he could go see him once he is back? See how he is doing for himself maybe.

“He must wonder who is cleaning all these Hydra bases” Natasha muses and it makes Steve laugh.

“Well, I’m glad I don’t have to follow him once again”

She grabs a water bottle as the plane reaches a good altitude “The idea of running after a ghost for years does not seem fun Rogers, no offense, but just the two of us?”

“It wasn’t...” Steve starts, finally getting caught by Natasha. _Oh_ , he knows she tries to extract how things exactly went down before but he had been careful and secretive until now. Yeah, things slip here and there, she is a spy and a damn good one at that, this was bound to happen but he doesn't want to reveal his secret.

“Ohhh?” She purrs with a smile, so happy to finally getting something “Who was there?”

“Tasha...”

“Come on, we are already fucking up the timeline, give me something, anything!”

Steve rolls his eyes “What I will tell you is that I want that person out of our business”

“Yeah? You dislike them then? Were they Hydra?”

”Natasha, please stop”

She shrugs, but that smile is kept on for the majority of the fly. There’s no way she’s satisfied with that but Sam is the one thing he can’t mention.

* * *

A Goddamn press conference.

Ross has a press conference about something neither Steve, Natasha, Maria or Fury know about, that is impressive in itself. They have to do like everyone else, gather in front of a screen as they wait in Fury’s office.

Steve can feel Bruce’s nervousness and his attempts to get him to cool down are futile at best. One of the reasons he ended up on the Raft was this guy, gleefully happy to send him to that disgusting place since he wouldn't work for him when he got defrosted the first time. He sees a glimpse of emerald in Bruce’s eyes as well as the tremendous control behind it.

Finally, the stream starts and he walks on stage with fake gravitas on his face. Without surprise, he mentions the aliens and Hydra and new threats because of enhanced individuals and why not fight fire with fire...

_Wait, what?_

”Citizens, we are in a crisis. With the President's full approval, I want to introduce you to a new specialized task force. An elite team trained to respond to the most dangerous situations, ready to do whatever it takes to protect not only America but the world too”

A propaganda video plays using the same tropes the military would pump out since back in the day. They haven’t changed all that much in the meantime from what he occasionally sees.

Once finished, Ross is smiling from ear to ear like this is the best day of his life.

”Let me introduce you this team, the **AVENGERS!** ”

Steve could choke on air if he hadn't stopped breathing entirely. He had told Nat and the others a little about the Avengers so that’s one more thing that is still going to happen despite his actions, albeit, years later, awesome. ** _Who found this name again?!_**

”The first member, Colonel James Rhodes, War Machine, who will lead the team”

Rhodes walks on stage under the crowd and the journalists cheering, all smile. Last time Steve saw the Colonel smile, it may have been before they found Bucky and before the Accords. There’s nothing surprising at seeing him work with Ross. It isn't that they are similar but Rhodey is a man of order despite being best friend with...nope, Steve stops himself right there, focusing once again on the screen.

”Guess the idea of forming a team was just too good to pass uh?” Maria comments, her fingers gliding on her phone without interruption and barely looking at it.

”The second member is someone very special. As a lot of you may know, there are...other types of humans among us. We can’t be divided as we are collectively facing our greatest threat. Please welcome mister Pietro Maximoff”

Now, Steve thought he couldn't be more surprised but he is. How is Pietro here? He asks to himself. Why? Hydra couldn't have had the time to experiment on them, it simply doesn't make sense. Is he remembering things wrong? And if Pietro is alive, what about Wanda? He’ll have to find a way to contact her.

”The last member I want to introduce you tonight is a true war hero. He found his way back to the light after quite some time in the hand of a truly evil organization. Now, I want to precise something...” Ross says, so obviously pleased to have everyone focused on his words.

”Oh no...” Natasha whispers next to Steve which goes directly to his guts.

She knows something or at least has connected some dots and Steve only had to wait to know what this was about. His instincts are screaming that he already knows and yet, he is still just as shocked.

”...in this new world of aliens and magic...” he laughs as if he still can’t believe it, yet all of America saw Loki, Thor and the whole alien army in New York. It isn’t to say that some people didn’t believe it was all an elaborate lie by the government but nowadays, you could very well pass someone on the street who could fly, has telekinesis or could control magical stones!

On his right, Rhodey and Pietro are standing still without a word.

”...This is a man who sort of traveled through time if you can believe it. Let me introduce you the one true James Buchanan Barnes”

Steve blinks in shock, sees Bucky of all people come on stage in a freaking suit and stand next to Pietro. His face is way more serene than Steve has been used to since that drafting letter. He can’ exactly register everything Ross continues to say, only that this is only half of the team and that he has the trust of the President.

”So that was what this bitch was working on for the last two years?” Fury asks more to himself than anyone else.

Maria turns away from the screen ”I have no idea how this guy managed to convince the Senate with that. Steve, from where you’re from, the Avengers were a good thing anyway, right?”

”Yes, of course, but we weren't in the hand of this guy. Our independence, sort of, became a problem, which led to...”

The death of his husband and his best friend he doesn’t add. Instead, he talks about the Accords without revealing what exactly was part of the context for it.

Natasha shows a document to Maria and Bruce ”They are working with Stark Industries, someone is already giving interviews about it”

Perfect, just perfect, Steve thinks bitterly, feeling his anger burn inside him. Tony working with Ross is not as surprising as it could be. From what Steve knows of Stark before his Iron Man days, he was one of the most prolific arm manufacturer of the world. A lot of weapons, to this days, have the Stark’s logo on it. With his own best friend, Rhodey, on the project, having Tony dealing with the equipment is obvious.

Too much is going on and Steve needs to resolve the most pressing issue from his point of view.

”Can one of you put me in contact with Rhodey please?” The team looks back at him, a very evident ”Why?” on their face. ”I need to talk to him about something but I can’t...”

”Let me guess Rogers, you can’t tell us because this is one of the things related to the future you decided to keep to yourself?”

Steve smiles to Fury ”You are full of secret yourself if I recall correctly. And yeah, it’s something private”

”Don’t you want to talk to Barnes?” Natasha demands with genuine curiosity.

Steve shakes his head ”He’s better without me” Part of him really believes it, but of course he misses Bucky. If he was there, did that means that he is okay now? He has many thoughts about this situation but he focuses instead on what he can and can’t do.

This whole thing makes Steve want to check on Sam badly, it could be just a quick research, he could maybe drop at the VA and see if he is alright... No, he isn't strong enough, he simply isn't. This time, if he comes around Sam, he will not be able to resist the urge to talk to him, he knows.

As much as he believes he is responsible for his death just as much as Tony, he knows the only way to leave him alone in this second chance of a timeline is to never lay eyes on Sam’s face again outside of his dreams and nightmares.

* * *

It occurs to Steve, once he get face to face with Rhodey the next day, that they actually rarely talked alone. The only link they had before was Tony, which made them, at best, distant colleagues. In fact, in Steve’s head, Rhodey is Tony’s best friend first and foremost which is why talking to him isn’t as easy as it should be.

Maria managed to organize a half an hour meeting at seven am at Stark’s Tower. Steve shoved down the sour taste in his mouth and tried to appear as genuine as he could when he sat in what may be Rhodey’s office, judging by the two pictures on the desk.

”You know, when Maria told me that Steve Rogers wanted to meet me, I did not envision the perfect replica of Captain America” he welcomes, bringing the floral tea mug in front of his lips.

It is true that Maria and Rhodey know each other quite well, Steve recalls.

”Well, actually...”

”Oh,” he says when the realization hit him ”Is this another case of working for Hydra for years? I was told there were a lot of these...Soldiers”

Steve isn't stupid, he know somehow, a weapon is pointed at him right now ”No, I was just stuck in the ice for a very long time” he starts to explain in a tone, he hopes, would put the other man at ease.

Clearly, the colonel do not believe nor trust Steve but he does trust Maria so he changes the topic and asks what Steve actually wants.

Trying to be as tactful as possible, he asks if they had read Bucky’s files as well as the list of his targets.

”I understand why you went to me Mister Rogers, I imagine that this would not be a pleasant conversation to have with Tony”

So they know, Steve understands. How did they manage to convince Tony not to kill Bucky this time? It feels unrealistic to be honest. Steve vividly remembers the hatred and determination Tony had when battling the two supersoldiers.

”I just want to make sure he is as safe as possible”

”Sir...I don’t know how to tell you this but, we are professionals...”

”I mean from Tony” Steve cuts, unable to keep his thoughts from jumping to his mouth.

Rhodes stays silent for a moment, his eyes locked on Steve ”Maybe we should call Barnes in” he finally proposes.

It’s hard for Steve to shake the feeling that this may be a threat. Time is running out so he has to be more convincing, clearly.

”Listen, all I want to know is that Stark isn’t going to put a hole in my friend anytime soon.”

Now, Steve must have hit a nerve because Rhodey is definitely annoyed ”You can say it, because Barnes killed Tony’s parents. This has been dealt with, privately, not that it’s any of your business”

Well, Steve’s disagrees with Rhodey on that last point but he isn't here to argue or make an enemy out of him. It’s good that Tony reacted differently this time. It also means that he has been right not to get involved, which is a relief. Looking at the bright side only is hard but he refuses to let himself get swallowed with the dark thoughts that can plague his mind from time to time. It's one thing to think he had a role in last time debacle, it's another one to believes everything bad happened because of him and him only.

He thanks Rhodey and wishes him good luck but when the colonel hold his extended hand, he does not let go as he asks “Should we expect to see more of you, Captain?”

“You don’t seem very fond of that idea” he smirks back.

Rhodey smiles, genuine amusement in his eyes when he releases Steve’s hand “I don’t know yet, I just like to be prepared”

“I‘ll try to stay out of your hair as much as possible”

“Something tells me you won’t be all that good at it”

Steve leaves quickly, feeling marginally lighter. Bucky is okay and hopefully, he will stay that way. He hopes Wanda is taken care of too and that in this timeline her and Pietro hadn’t...trade their place sort of, but he is afraid to look it up for now.

The only reason he is confident in Sam still living his normal life is because he allowed himself to set up an alert in case something really bad happened. Sue him.

* * *

All in all, things start out relatively nice, The Avengers first couple of missions are handled really well and the public starts to warm up to the idea of having these special agents doing what the police couldn’t easily do. Since they are so heavily linked to the military, however, they also quickly gains a lot of detractors. Steve knows the game already and he hopes Bucky doesn’t pay them any mind.

The only public Avengers had been the one introduced during the press conference, Steve hadn't thought about looking up to the rest of the team, too busy with dealing with Inhumans and bringing Carol back to explain the situation to her and get her help.

Steve's priority as of now is to find out if there's more stones of earth or not. They manage to find the trace of the time stone and meet the Ancient One who confirms that what Steve went through is the truth once and for all. He still has residues of the stones, especially the mind, soul and time one that propelled him back in the past and now that Bruce knows what too look for, he can attest of that too. Also, the next time they'll have to ask for a certain "Strange".

After that, it’s about creating a network that would be ready if Thanos ever came to earth in this timeline as well and, as importantly, how to handle the Infinity stones.

They can’t reach a consensus about that however, should they hide them or try to destroy them? In Steve’s opinion, the farthest from Earth the better but only if they could ensure that no one could access them. 

The Ancient One has no intention to let someone else handle the time stone and laughs at Maria's attempt to suggest they trust it to them. Considering that Fury "lost" the mind stone, both Thor and Steve are not that keen on trusting him with another one of them but contrary to Steve, Thor is very vocal about it and it finished to convince The Ancient One that they are now just wasting their time. They should just try to concentrate on the mind stone then.

* * *

* _ **New York - June 2017**_ *

In 2017, Shield is doing pretty well and Natasha is doing some liaison with Wakanda as well which makes her out of the US for a whole month this time.

Ross has not been to keen on being stolen the opportunity to work with them first from Shield and was quite annoying to work with on other missions and projects.

From what Steve has heard, it may have more to do with how Ross and T’Challa had started on the wrong foot immediately more than Shield’s involvement. He came in with the firm intention of getting a deal for vibranium and they, predictably, refused. Things went from bad to worse then and wathever access he had got cancelled. The thing with this precious metal, is that a lot of people around the globe comment on it as if it was theirs too. It is not. Hell, Steve knows he should probably give them back his shield, it was probably stolen from them somehow decades ago. 

For now, the only thing Steve is concerned about is that the King is alive and well to be honest. He hadn't had the opportunity to really talk with T’Challa in the previous timeline, all he knows is that Zemo had framed T’Challa father’s death on Bucky which led to his demise later on. Not wanting a round two of this mess, he stays cautious of the future king.

On the bright side, since he isn't Captain America anymore, he doesn't have any responsibility to be the one having to keep the peace and deal with all the politics. Natasha and Fury are better at this job from the shadows than he could ever be, he believes anyway.

This does not change the fact that he has to participate in that very political reception. The UN needs a clear path to follow about Earth’s place in the cosmos since aliens started to consider the planet worthy of a visit. Even if Thor is pretty popular and well accepted, Asgardians are still a colonizing race. What about the Kree and their experimentation that birthed a whole new human species right under everyone’s nose millennia ago? What about Thanos and his project considering the stones? What about that one species able to shape-shift?

Steve has a hard time believing that the UN would find a collective answer about all these questions but Fury insisted that they had to represent Shield at the event. After the boring two hours of fruitless discussion, the reception is a welcome change of scenery. He just wished they didn’t chose to hold this on Gardiners Island of all places. What a random choice.

It’s interesting however to see others countries bring and show their own “best of the best” special tasks. Steve has never been surrounded by this many enhanced humans out of the battle with the mad titan and he doesn’t feel at ease. The security is on a whole other level and everyone is on a tight rope. Steve pities the fool who would dare attack them but sometimes, being bold pays so he stays on his guard.

By chance, no one really talks to him outside of some awkward attempts at flirting. He has no doubt some guests would get a nice after party once the reception is officially done in an hour or so, starting with Natasha. Still, he feels the need to escape and be outside the beautiful but full and loud room. He isn’t the only one outside and someone bumps into him as his eyes are a bit too focused on the dark night sky where he still hopes to catch the stars.

“Sorry, this is my fault” the young woman says with her distinct accent.

Steve’s is so surprised, he just spontaneously touch her arm “Wanda!”

“Do we know each other?” She asks, trying to replace were she could have seen him.

Steve catch himself but if she is here... “Sorry, I... I just know a little about you that’s all” he tries to play it off as anything but creepy. “I’m Steve. I’m working for Shield”

She smiles, and it has been a very long time since he saw her smile like that which makes it infectious.

“Well, nice to meet you Steve, even if you work for the concurrence” she teases.

A gush of wind hit them and suddenly, Pietro is right by his sister’s side, looking quite smug “I have a date, so uh, don’t wait for me” he says, before looking at Steve with a raised eyebrow then to his sister again.

She slaps his hand “I just bumped into Steve, don’t look at me like that”

They have a bit of discussion in Sokovian and all Steve know is that Pietro is having the time of his life. It feels good to see them like this, happy together, even if it means that Wanda may be an Avenger too. He just hoped she would have an easier life this time.

“Guys, I’m leaving” a very familiar voice calls the twin, Steve doesn’t need to see him to know who this is.

“I think I’m gonna leave too, are you going back to the tower?” She asks Bucky.

He looks good, Steve thinks, in his black tuxedo, his hair freshly cut that makes him look so much like the Bucky before the war. The electricity in Steve's body would burst if he moved, he is sure of it.

“Yeah”

“You know the one that should not me named is sleeping there tonight?” Pietro says in a conspiratorial tone to his sister, before having to avoid a metallic hand grabbing his shoulder.

“Kids these days have no respect”

Wanda laughs “He isn’t exactly lying isn’t he?”

“Yes he is! I do not care one bit for...”

Bucky’s eyes finally notices Steve and for a second, he goes totally blank, as if someone just flicked a switch in his whole demeanor. It isn’t long before Pietro and Wanda notice it too and make the link with Steve’s silence as well.

“You’re there” Bucky says expressionlessly, then, with clear annoyance “Of course you’re there, you’re Shield! How did I not...” he let out a heavy sight “Right under my nose”

“You act like I was hiding from you, weren’t you the one running around the globe for a whole year at least?!”

“I was really surprised you didn’t follow me to be honest. Almost disappointed”

“I know better” Steve answers with more venom than he intends to.

It does make Pietro leave, soon followed by Wanda when she believes Bucky isn’t in any kind of danger. Steve looks at her go before focusing back on Bucky.

“You look good”

“Really? That’s what you have to say to me?”

Steve rolls his eyes, what is he supposed to say? Now that they are out of danger, he actually has no idea what to do.

“Wait a minute, where you there last month on the docks with Klaue? Someone took the vibranium back and it wasn’t us. And were you the little shit that helped Lady Sif catch _The Eye_ before us? I know I saw someone with a fake kind of shield!”

Welp...

“Okay, in my defense, you could have caught The Eye if you hadn’t decided to come in gun first! It hates violence”

Bucky shoves his shoulder with a disapproving look ”You didn't look for me once you got me out from Hydra. Not even when I joined the team”

”I didn't, I thought I had to leave you alone”

Steve is sorry but he made a choice and it paid and as he realizes more and more that Bucky is alive and okay, he feels tears pooling in his eyes until one of them start to fall.

He grabs Bucky in the tightest hug he can give. There is no way to explain everything it means for him to finally have Bucky, as himself, talking to him.

”How did you get back to be you? I thought..”

”Stevie, we have so much to catch up on...”

He is right of course and Steve wants to know all about this Bucky. The reunion is almost unreal and for a short moment, he wonders if he isn't dreaming or hallucinating the whole thing. That doubt should have been buried a long time ago but he guesses he will always have a little percentage of second-guessing. Traveling through time is still a very foreign concept to him.

When he looks into Bucky’s eyes, the eyes he had known since his pre-teen years, he just believes in them. He believes in his best friend and now that he got him back, he will not let go. The time where he had to keep his distances is over.


	5. Chapter 5

Steve and Bucky agree to ditch whatever they had planned previously the next day and spend it together.

Because Steve had met Bucky when he was mostly still the Winter Soldier, he is ecstatic to see this version of Bucky doing way better. To be honest, the second the war started, Bucky had been different anyway. It surprises him however when Bucky tells him that he is the one who changed from his past self beyond the serum’s effects.

Steve takes the time to think about it and it is pretty evident that he is different indeed. Different from his younger days, even from his first timeline... But Bucky doesn’t know about that last one.

”I guess I’ve seen too much”

After visiting two expositions together, and having a lot of actual fun doing it, they stop to a soul food restaurant. This specific place had been, in the previous timeline, the first place they went to eat together with Sam after his visit to the VA. At the time, he was far from knowing he would fell in love with this man but he definitely felt a pull toward him.

Bucky just finished his smothered chicken, hesitating to lick his fingers as Steve was holding a laugh.

“I know we can’t exactly just go back to how things were before but I hope we can maybe, see each other sometimes?”

“Steve, you’re talking like you’re all sweet on me pal”

“No, but I’m serious, I... it’s great seeing you, and I missed you, you know?”

Bucky looks away, avoiding Steve’s intense gaze for a while “Missed you too Stevie. Let’s not get all mushy in our fries, I’m not good with all that feelings talk”

“Yeah? But I remember how you would sweet talk the ladies as if they were the very moon and stars in the sky”

Bucky throws a small bone at Steve’s head “I swear if you’re still talking about whatever her name was...”

“You brought me to serenade her, Bucky”

They bicker on the whole way out, naturally falling into something familiar and exciting. Steve is confident in the fact that the two of them would see each other sooner rather than later.

Still, there‘s something Steve needs to tell him before he goes his own way and that‘s to be extra careful of Ross and Tony, no matter what Rhodey says.

”Ross, I know but Stark? Granted he is an asshole with enough money to wipe his ass with but...”

”He is dangerous, Buck’. Tony...”

It has been a very long time since Bucky had heard genuine fear in Steve’s voice. He saw Steve’s being afraid in a situation of life and death, but this haunted look? He can’t even recall.

”Did he do something to you?”

Because he can’t fully explain it, at least not right now, Steve just briefly closes his eyes before grabbing Bucky’s metal hand in his ”Promise me you’ll keep your eyes open around them? If you ever, ever want to join us, or quit, I’m right here for you”

Now, Bucky is worried, it’s so unlike Steve to talk like that. He has no information about a conflict between these two. Is he he missing something?

“Is this about his parents?” Bucky ends up asking, the only thing he can think of that would make one of the two men want him dead.

The way Steve’s grips gets stronger, how his breathing stops for a while and the attempted words that don’t come out are all clues that he is right. It isn’t a surprise for Bucky that Steve knows about it and now it makes sense why he would warn him like that.

“Stark knew what I did before I was considered for the team. I’m not his favorite person, far from it, but we reached a common ground” he explains.

The wheels in Steve’s heads are turning and Bucky waits for him to make up his mind about this piece of information. His relationship with Tony Stark is almost non existent on a personal basis. They talk in Avengers related settings and that’s pretty much it. That said, if you don’t count Rhodey, Tony only seems to get along well with the newest recruit, Peter, a kid Bucky disapprove of being here altogether. He can see that Peter worships the ground Tony walks on, not sure that's healthy. He has other friends outside, like Pepper Pots and...uh...Pepper and...well, that's it.

Steve does not look convinced but he let the topic drop for now.

Their separation leaves Bucky a bit confused and when he makes his way back to the Stark Tower, Steve’s words still echoes in his mind.

Trust is a complicated thing for Bucky. Does he trust Tony Stark? No. Does he trust most people he is working with even? No.

He doesn't need Steve to warn him about that. Instead, it makes him suspicious of Steve himself. As the Winter Soldier, he has been responsible for a lot of deaths, if Stark has wanted to kill him, he would have needed to take a ticket first. What makes Steve think that the mad scientist slash billionaire is more dangerous than anyone else?

Outside of this warning, Bucky still has trouble believing his Stevie is here.

This man from his past is alive after being frozen for seventy years, what are the odds? Steve Rogers is breathing and like him, a man out of time. The difference is that Steve was in the ice the whole time while he was brainwashed and used as an assassin. He can't help but feel a bit bitter about the whole thing, Steve always has been the type to put himself in danger, trying to do what is right, even going as far as lying to get enlisted while Bucky was scared to die in the war. Then, he gets the brainwashing and Steve gets to be asleep and not kill anybody. It's not his fault, and he knows this is petty of him, but he wonders why, that's all.

It doesn't, however, surprised him one bit that he would work with Shield since he was...involved with one of their founders. Hell, Steve could have been an Avenger too even, if he wanted. It would be interesting to see if his friend would click well with Rhodey however, because he seems to have a very vivid dislike of Tony Stark and since Stark is the one providing them with their equipment, it means that the man is often around. The three of them have big personalities in a very different way, Bucky still can’t figure out how Rhodey and Tony are friends in the first place. In any case, he just can’t imagine it going well if they added Steve in the mix.

”Yo Robocop, ” his colleague calls as he is walking into the tower at noon. No one is really noticing him in the crowd but of course this man would spot him anyway ”seem pretty busy these days”

”Are you stalking me, Wilson?” he asks innocently which made Sam roll his eyes ”I was catching up with an old friend of mine”

”You got friends Barnes? You? Old at that? You mean Old-old, like, in their nineties and shit?”

Bucky had learned that Sam likes to tease him for no reason. He was never mean, but his tendency to speak his mind and push Bucky’s buttons on occasion took some time to get used to. The funny thing with him is that they actually met several time on accident before working together. Now, they laugh about it, but each one of these time could have made them antagonistic.

As he ponders what answer to give, he figures that he wants to have someone he can confide him. Is Sam the right person for that, Bucky isn’t totally sure, what he does know however is that he needs to open a little to someone, so why not him?

”What about you pay me food and we can talk about it?”

”Why do I have to pay you food? You pay me food”

”Well, your loss then”

Bucky turns around but he already is smiling because just as Sam is able to annoy him fast, he does just the same to him from time to time.

The other man huffes behind him ”Let’s go get some sushi at Inugami then, but do not eat like three regular people please, I saw you do it more than once”

“I need a lot of energy” he explains without sounding apologetic at all, ”We should take the boat”

Bucky has been working with Sam for over a year now but he had known him since the alien invasion in New York. Bad time, bad place, and they got kidnapped on an alien ship. To this day, Bucky wonders how they managed to save all these people inside the ship with them but one thing was clear from that moment, Sam Wilson was special in his own right.

After that, they met once at a restaurant where Sam had a date that ended up badly (partially because of Bucky) and once more on the road where Bucky had to escape someone and did so by hijacking Sam's car (without knowing it was his).

The man has a warmth to him that Bucky wants to experience closely. If he didn’t think much of it in the first months of them integrating the super-secret Avengers training, it’s now a point he carefully avoids to overthink.

It’s simply some sort of good-natured camaraderie and admiration, nothing else.

Still, he is the only one making Bucky wonder “Why is he single?” randomly. He guesses this isn’t exactly a stretch to wonder about it, as a friend.

Contrary to Rhodey and Tony, he can bet Steve would play nice with Sam. Maybe he should introduce them to each other. On a tactical point, he trusts them both and if something happens, it can be wise to have them both in contact.

The Avengers team works better with time once they find their footing and start to truly work together like a well oiled unit. Most importantly, it’s better since Ross is out of the picture, too busy with trying to avoid prison for life for that little thing he did a few years ago. Pushing the nuking of New York without evacuation? Yeah, that doesn’t sit well with a lot of people.

Sam and Bucky knows Tony has a hand in it. They don’t care enough to find how for now.

Instead, they walk to what Bucky has been considering as some type of home for the past year. Well, it‘s where he is currently living but is it “home”? That’s still unclear.

They all have “rooms” at Stark’s tower but they are really more like large apartments that would cost more than any of them would be able to pay in New York. It had been heavily suggested that they all lived in the same place in case of emergencies. Sam had objected that if someone decided to make the Tower go boom, then they’ll had no more Avengers left. Bucky agreed but Ross and Tony, not so much. Apparently, it bruised Tony’s ego to merely think that someone would succeed in blowing up the building. Bucky hadn’t said then that he probably could do it with some preparation. He has already taken enough from Stark and they were not nearly close enough to joke about anything reminding them of it.

Bucky’s place is virtually no different than how it was the first time he put a foot in it. Nothing in it would say ”Bucky Barnes lives here” beyond some weapons if you actually know they were his. He almost never let anyone inside and even refused access to the cleaning service in his absence. Sam himself has only be there twice so he jokes about feeling honored to be let inside once again.

“I would have brought a bottle of vine or whiskey if I had known you would bring me to your place. You know, the fancy stuff”

“With your tastes in vine? No thank you”

Sam laughs “You invited me to insult me, Barnes?”

Bucky sat on the stupidly expensive couch after his trip to get the food that just got delivered. He gets distracted by his own thoughts while he sets everything up on the table facing the couch.

“Okay, now you start to make me worry. You good?”

Bucky nods, passes a hand in his hair but forgot for a second that i’s short now “I have something to tell you but it’s uh...delicate. Don’t tell that to anyone else”

Sam gets serious instantaneously “Of course man”

“Captain America. Steve Rogers, you know who he is?”

“Yes of course, you two were friends before the war. We have him in our history books. Oh! Reminds me that you are mentioned in some of them even”

Bucky has nothing to answer to that, at the time they really didn’t fell like they were making history. Yeah Steve and the Howling Commandos got themselves on newspapers but to have people in this day and age knowing them in history books? He saw the exposition about them in that museum, it just felt alien to him at the time.

“He is alive”

“Uh?”

“His last mission...he got iced for seventy years”

Sam reposition himself on the couch so he can face Bucky “Like you?”

“Well, minus the machine and the waking up to work for Hydra essentially. He’s Shield now”

“Wow. Really?”

“Yeah. He is the one that allowed me to escape Hydra in the first place but I only met him again a few weeks ago. He is the old friend I talked you about”

Sam takes some time to observe the other man before speaking again “You two reconnecting is a good thing?”

“Yeah, of course! I mean...It was so weird at first, I even thought that he was fake but it’s him. It’s the Steve I knew, even if life seems to have made a number on him”

“What do you mean?”

Bucky is hesitant to answer but he brought Sam to be open and have someone to talk about it with so here he was “I don’t know how to vocalize it but, there’s a heaviness about him...Like he took a few extra years of misery or never left the war”

Sam nods slowly “You two gone through a lot and it took you some time to feel better right? Maybe it’s the same with him?”

“You are right” Bucky agrees “I thought he would look for the old Bucky in me but he had no expectations”

“Well, he seems like he is open to know the you that you are now. And it’s nice to see that you have someone you can connect with, finally” he adds in a teasing tone in between two bites.

“I connect with plenty of people”

Sam smiles softly “You are quite guarded. And I get it, man, I totally get it...”

“I connect with you” he says with a deeper frown, seemingly unaware of how sincere he sounds.

Sam’s expression is unreadable for a moment. It almost make Bucky’s nervous, that he totally misinterpreted their relationship but after what feels like an eternity, he says “And I appreciate that”

Funny how these few words can make Bucky feel warm and kind of nervous in the right way. It shouldn’t be a big deal but demonstration of affection isn’t common in his world. Despite that, he can tell that something changes after that conversation.

Bucky is not really close with his teammates, but he tries harder. He still keeps his distances with Tony but proposes to Rhodey, Sam and Wanda to go to a little jazz club in one of Brooklyn’s best hidden place. He had sneaked in this place as a teenager more times that he remembered, the smell of perfume, liquor and cigars always lingering on his clothes the next day. It’s surprising that it’s still here, albeit, revamped.

Music is a nice way to connect with their leader and Wanda, especially since Rhodey and Sam both wants to improve Bucky, Wanda and Pietro American modern music knowledge. On that front, the two black men are on the same wavelength, even if Sam is more of a Motown and RnB kind of guy while Rhodey could Rap like he has a secret carrier and a mixtape ready to drop.

Pietro is...Pietro is a bit like Bucky pre-War. Cocky. Only his sister can make him listen but when he is alone? Oh boy, Bucky has déjà vu after déjà vu. It starts with some advices Bucky gives the young man to improve his game with the dames. For some obscure reason, it works and Pietro starts calling him “Bro” since then. To be honest, Bucky is mostly confused but he will not complain. Wanda seems so happy to see her brother making friends that the two men have now a tacite agreement to at least try to develop a genuine friendship. It has to be said that Pietro has trouble connecting with people, especially if they aren't enhanced in any way. Wanda doesn't share her mistrust of non powered people, but she does side eye rich people a lot, which explains why she never talks to Tony.

Bucky says nothing about the treaty Ross is still working on between two courts hearings. If the General had his way, people like Peter would have to not only register but to have their identity revealed to the administration. If this wasn’t enough, they could be used in any way the authorities wanted or else they could end up in jail.

The thing is, he kind of fell upon this file by accident so while he wouldn’t directly confront Ross about it, he sure shares it with Sam, the only one he trusts to have a leveled-head in this. Rhodey is way too pro-military, even if maybe, with some persuasion, they could see eye to eye. Wanda and Pietro are exactly the type of people this would affect the most, especially as Sokovian trying to make their life here. They still have a choice to stay or to leave, even if Bucky isn’t naive enough to think it would be that simple.

“Well, this is shit” Sam concludes after reading silently most of the document. “They don’t even pretend that this is about having an army of enhanced people. Like, prison, really?”

“We need to stop him Sam. You know some people would love to enforce that and Ross will find a way...”

“You’re right...Listen, we need to leak this out there but they’ll know it comes from inside the second it’s public” Sam says, pacing on the Tower’s roof, the only place they know for sure has no cameras or hidden mics.

“So, let’s not do it ourself, Wilson”

Sam stops, looking at Bucky with a smile “Mhhh, I like how you think, partner”

* * *

One thing Bucky always excelled at is to find his enemies weaknesses and in the case of Ross, the most glaring one is his whole personality.

This guy had a lot of enemies. Prison may or may not be actually safer for him.

It is quite easy in fact to plot his demise, all they have to do is to wait for the next incident involving an enhanced individual then they talk to Rhodey about how maybe they should adapt the law. They don’t say how, just that this woman lost control of her abilities but that wouldn’t have happened if she had a safe space to learn and deal with them instead of trying to repress them and almost kill everyone in the church she attended.

So, when Rhodey gives a quick press conference, of course he talks about the fact that the current justice and prison system is not how they should do it. A remark that immediately got picked on by a black journalist who wants nothing more than to explore Rhodey’s relationship with his blackness and his status as an Avengers in context of the prison system.

“What is the Avengers response to the fear that enhanced individuals would be treated differently than the non-enhanced?”

“We are currently working on it and will let you know our official position once it will be settled”

It should be nothing, really, just a wait and see, but what it does is lit a fire under the government ass. After that, people who think that the government is lying to them anyway starts digging, the digging gains traction among people who either wants a revolution or Ross gone and someone manages to find Ross’s copy of the Accords.

See, when you basically tell people that they don’t own their own life anymore, that sends a certain signal.

That said, Bucky and Sam couldn't anticipate that with Ross gone for good, Tony Stark would move his own pawns and basically take his place as an unofficial link between the team and the authorities. It gives them a bit more freedom but also made them loose some strategic support from politics and military as well.

* * *

By the end of the year, Bucky is pretty happy. The team is doing great and the friendship he is developing with Steve is on the right track.

”Hey, got plan, for Christmas yet?”

Steve asks that question just as they are leaving his place. He isn’t living there yet actually, but he will, once they finished to renovate it. It‘s a little project they took as an excuse to see each other regularly (and check that the other isn't dead). They have no real experience in how to properly do anything except that curious missions analogies and youtube videos which gave some interesting situations like Bucky mocking Steve for his inability to put together a straight bookshelf.

”Where would have I learned that anyway? We didn't have book when we were young so there was no need for shelf! And then we went to the military” he complains in frustration despite Bucky’s loud laugh.

They liked that time together, with an unspoken agreement not to talk about anything work-related.

”Uh, S...there’s a colleague, a friend, I guess, who invited me...”

Bucky stops at the grin growing on Steve’s face, a grin that means nothing good ”A friend eh? Inviting you for chriiiiiistmas?”

”Shut up” Bucky chuckles. It isn’t ”like that”, it’s just to be nice nice and because Sam took pity on him.

”I bet that friend is pretty”

Steve’s words are a bit too close from comfort. Would he call Sam pretty? He is pretty but would it be the word he would chose? Gorgeous? Awesome? Sexy? Well, let’s say that he has a nice physique. Of course, Bucky blushes silently and Steve can tell.

Just when Steve is starting to be on his way he adds that he hopes they can spend new year together and maybe Bucky should invite “her”, with a cheeky grin and a wink.

Before Bucky could correct him, Steve is gone. It shouldn't have bothered him, of course, Steve misunderstood, first of all, Sam and him are not...uh, no they are not...well...it is weird sometimes but in Bucky’s mind, it’s only him dreaming about something he should not dream about. So it isn't surprising that Steve would misinterpret the situation and think this is about a dame.

All he has to do is say the truth the next time that topic comes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some steamy scene in here

Bucky being invited to spend Christmas with the Wilson’s is not, in Sam’s opinion, surprising. Rhodes has Stark, the twins has each other and a few friends they had made when they joined the Avengers. Peter has his aunt, they checked. So when they talked about their project a week before, Sam naturally proposed Bucky to come. At first, Bucky did not took the invitation seriously and Sam had to insist but even then, the old man looked quite confused as to why Sam would invite him.

”It doesn't matter that you don’t believe in that God or Jesus. I don’t believe at all but you better not say that to my mom or I’ll be banned” Sam had said to help convince his friend.

Maybe that little gap took some brain cells away because Bucky finally answered positively ”Yeah, okay, sure” and the deal was done.

”Do I have to be in formal attire? Like a suit?” Bucky questions three days before, his nervousness is apparent in his unsure tone. Just a normal question to ask right after a meeting with the rest of the team.

Sam has a small lopsided smile, something Bucky is able to provoke more often now. Not that he is actively trying to, you know.

“Come like you want dude”.

He knows Bucky must not have had the occasion to go the a familial event in a long time. Somehow, being the one shaking up his experiences makes Sam happy.

It is true that, at first, Bucky seemed like the less likely to become any kind of friend to Sam. Apparently cold and preferring to be lonely most of the time, Sam managed to discover a man brave beyond words, funny in his own ways and warm when he wanted to. Key words, "when he wanted to", because from his point of view, Bucky has been a pain in his ass the first few times they met.

”He’s nice” he would tell himself a few weeks after starting to train together. “Friendly nice” he thought then, before it changed to ”He’s...nice”, a small hesitation in the choice of word that didn't seem to fit really well anymore when he started to actively seek the other man’s company.

Sam tried hard, for months, to brush it off as the difficulty to develop an healthy friendship as an adult, especially with someone you work with and have to fight alongside. He believed that this was just a case of developing some kind of feelings due to the life-threatening situations they have been put into together recently. It wasn’t like he hadn’t developed his own relationship with the others too, it was just, different. It wouldn’t had the idea of bringing them to his family however.

After the awkward first half of an hour at the Wilson’s house, Sam gets quite relaxed. Bucky is slowly getting there, being overly polite when talked to but silent otherwise. His mother is a bit cautious but Sarah and her girlfriend didn’t have any reservation and quickly integrate him in whatever topic they decide to discuss. Only Brody, Sarah’s son is openly perplexed by the white man with a metal arm he never saw before. Among the public Avengers, Rhodey and Pietro are definitely the most popular ones so it’s not out there that the five years old wouldn’t made the link with Barnes.

“He doesn’t trust stranger easily” Sarah explains in between trips to the kitchen.

“He is right to do so” Bucky offers back which prompts Sam to tell him to lighten the mood.

“You know” Candice, Sarah’s partner, starts once they are only two in the kitchen, “He kinda cute for a man”

Sam, with his eyes on the eggnog he is taking care of doesn’t move to look at her “The eggnog is almost ready” he answers at first, trying to ignore her comment. He knows where she is going with this and has no answer he feels comfortable sharing right now.

“He said you have been a good anchor in this century”

And here is the wooden spoon falling on the counter then at Sam’s feet.

“That’s what I thought” she snickers while Sam tries to clean this mess.

It’s evident she had say that to provoke him and it worked. His partner is attractive, yeah, but so many thing can go wrong there. For one, the guy never really said that he is attracted to men and Sam knows better than to pine after some straight guy. At the same time, there’s something between them...something that made him want to be closer to James. It just feels good to be next to him and having his eyes on him.

The boundaries are a bit blurred sometimes and he is certain that this isn’t on his part only. That said, maybe they needs to clear the situation a bit. Sam thinks about the comment James may have said to his sister and her girlfriend, maybe it isn’t true at all, but if it is...

“Come on Sam, are we going to taste your special recipe or not? Your mom is already fighting sleep” Bucky calls when he walks into the pristine kitchen now that Sam had cleaned.

The thoughtful man takes a small glass and pours some of the festive liquid in it, presenting it to his friend. Bucky smiles, taking the small sample and over rolls it on his tongue to finish with a satisfying appreciative noise ”Damn Wilson, you did not lie, taste good”

”Yeah?” Sam breathes, his eyes slowly getting on Bucky’s pink lips.

His hand, cautiously, so Bucky know what he is doing, reaches for his trimmed beard, touching it with the tip of his fingers. Maybe it’s by cowardice but he doesn’t dare look at Bucky’s eyes in this moment, he is almost scared to breathe too loud in case it would break this moment. He let his hand fall, not without taping two fingers to Bucky’s chest with a chuckle at his own audacity.

”Can you help me grab the glasses?” he asks, the eggnog in one hand already.

Instead of doing it immediately, Bucky gives him a quick peck and taps Sam’s chest the same way Sam did. Before Sam can react, Bucky reaches out for the glass and gives him a small head movement so they join the others.

Sarah makes a weird comment about that eggnog tasting funny but Candice slaps her shoulder and they both laugh between themselves while Darlene stops Brody from stealing some of the drink that had alcohol in it instead of the one without it, trust them, he knows the difference.

”You can stay if you want” Sam proposes once Sarah and Candice leaves to put Brody to bed. The kid tried to stay up all night unsuccessfully.

”Yes, Sam will take care of everything, I’m going to sleep too, I want to be fresh for church’s morning service”

Darlene adds in turn, kissing her son on the cheek and giving Bucky a side hug.

”You already did more than enough Sam, it’s okay, really”

”Suit yourself. They like you, you know?”

Bucky put his coat on and then his boots before he answer: ”It’s been a long time since I had anything like this, thanks”

”Anytime, man”

They stand there in the entrance, unsure about how to say goodbye this time. The rest of the home is silent outside of the sound of someone in the bathroom probably.

Bucky chuckles to himself, shaking his head lightly ”We should talk, another day”

”About what?”

”You know, the thing”

”What thing Barnes?”

”The thing! Between us”

Sam played dumb ”What thing? Friendship?”

”Friends don’t act like we do, Sam. They don’t kiss either”

”What’s wrong with what we do? There are no rules”

”No rules?” Bucky repeats ”Okay”

He grabs Sam by his shirt and bring him closer before kissing him for the second time tonight ”Then merry fucking Christmas Sam, hope you like this gift, as a friend”

Sam laughs, heart full of contentment, opening the door to basically push him outside ”Real funny Barnes, I want a real gift, don’t think this will do”

”Aren’t you happy?” Bucky checks with the cockiest smile he can provide, taking a few steps back in the cold night.

”Yeah Barnes, I am”

With another smile, this one more shy, Bucky turns and walks away to his car.

* * *

Steve doesn’t have the most fantastic experiences when it comes to celebrating the new year.

Most of them had been insignificant to downright annoying. Very few had been remarkable, like the time Buck and him joined a few other friends for a clandestine party at the docks. At the time, the war was a distant boogeyman only, something some lunatics would throw without knowing how right they would be. It was the first time Steve had been really drunk but he still remembered to this day how Bucky and him basically vocalized their eternal friendship for each other. It was evident that would always have each other, no matter what.

The first New Year after he realized he cared about Sam more than as a friend was one of his favorite. He invited Sam to that Stark’s opulent party. At the time, Sam and him were still in a very ambiguous part of their relationship. He was coming back from a long mission and being surrounded by all these people, most of them he didn’t know, hadn’t been appealing. He had talked to Sam about it over the phone and the man seemed curious about this kind of party so Steve invited him.

Sam was magnetic. Smiles, easy talks, jokes and when he looked at Steve, he felt his whole being scream that he was in Love with Sam Wilson, from head to toe, his heart was beating for this man and no matter what the world would say, he couldn’t let him go away.

Now, years later, after a jump back in the timeline, his heart is in his throat, the need to see Sam stronger than ever. Each time the craving to see him came, even just from afar, he crushed it, the guilt overpowering a need he deemed selfish.

This year, they will go to the Barton’s farm and when Steve had asked if he could invite some friends, Clint had agree after communicating with Steve to be sure his family would not be in any kind of danger because of whoever he wanted to bring. Natasha suspects that he is talking about Barnes but she doesn’t expect the other two head popping out of the car that just parked in front of the house.

Steve has his mischievous face as he introduced Clint to the twins. Not that he knows Pietro all that much himself, only having properly talked to him when he invited Wanda and him two weeks ago. Twenty minutes later, Clint and Laura seems to have adopted Wanda and Pietro as if they were their own grown children for some reasons.

Natasha and Bucky on the other end looks like two cats that may start to fight at any given moment. Or something else, it’s hard to tell.

“Are you two okay?” He ask them in between two bites of petits fours.

“Of course we are Rogers” Bucky answers, giving Natasha a fake smile.

“You know, I think I have met your friend before” Natasha says “Somewhere red...”

“Small feet”

Natasha does blush a lot for a second, all of her spy training disintegrates as she let a murderous aura engulf her. Steve is quick to put on his Captain voice to squash any beef they may have between them. He had no idea they knew each other, Natasha said nothing of the sort.

Maybe a new year party is not the place to talk about how Russia used The Winter Soldier to change little girls into killing machines. However, behind the animosity, there’s something else, Steve is sure of it. None of them would really dare fight here and since they don’t want to just go somewhere else, Steve deduces that they don’t dislike each other nearly as much as they pretend. Also, Laura Barton is not joking around and all of the guests do their best to behave.

By the time the countdown starts, Steve is surprisingly at peace.

Clint is giving the last glass of non alcoholic beverage to his kids when they all starts to scream the numbers one by one with excitement. Steve wants to never forget this. He is happy, really.

But..

He misses **him** so much.

“Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Steve feels arms around him, sees in the corner of his eyes Natasha plant a kiss on Bucky’s lips before he finds himself in a double hug from the married couple.

Wanda is still a bit shy with him but when she gives him a kiss on the cheek, she says “I can’t explain why but I know I can trust you”

Steve decides right there that he will tell her, soon. Before that, he is met with a frown from an overprotective brother.

“Pietro...” she warns, but her brother had already caught her to spin her around and the perplexed look on her face is soon replaced with happiness and laughs.

When he got to hug his best friend, Steve is as light as he can be. He believed he wouldn’t get the chance to do this again way too many times already. They are both here, alive and okay.

“Hope we can do this again and again and again”

Bucky gives him his best smile “You know we will Stevie”

He sure hopes so. Loosing Bucky would never be something he would get accustomed to.

It isn’t long before phones starts to ring because of their friends and absent loved one.

Steve notices his best friend taking a phone call and walk to the door as to get some privacy. He wonders who he is talking to at first before supposing that it may be Rhodey or maybe even, Tony. Except Bucky is smiling from ear to ear and he is telling to whoever is on the phone with him that they own him a cake.

Frankly, Steve believes that Bucky is flirting. The physical language sure is reminiscent of Pre-War Bucky when he wanted to charm a dame and when he added that tone, something syrupy, it got Steve even more curious. He saw that kiss Natasha gave him earlier, so isn't this a bit weird that Bucky would be flirting with someone else? Well, what does he know anyway.

* * *

In the three following months, Steve hears about this person a few times and, by the way Bucky talks to them or about them, Steve deduces a few things. It‘s (probably) a woman, judging by how sweet and flustered Bucky often is after their call.

She is working with Bucky and come from the military. Also, it‘s probably the same one Bucky mentioned during the previous year. And last, she is annoying him a lot but she also always has his back.

It is still quite unclear if Bucky likes-likes her or if it is just some type of playful flirt without any real feelings behind it beyond friendship.

If Steve initially believes he is also flirting with Natasha when they are together, he starts to notice a difference around February and even more after that.

Natasha and Bucky has a weird history between them but neither or them would exactly say if they ever been involved with each other or not. This nameless woman and Bucky? It is different. Something is preventing at least one of them from taking the leap but Steve has no idea what or why.

“Sooooo, how’s your friend?” Steve asks one day in a cafe, Bucky facing him with his black shades still on his face.

“Good. Helped me buy some new clothes lately, I tend to hate that but it was fun, for once”

“Uh uh...I was wondering if maybe I could met her someday? She seems important to you” Steve asks, trying to sound relaxed and not pushy, casual, as the kids say.

The question makes the smile on Bucky’s face disappear, he tries to act unbothered but Steve know Bucky like the back of his hand and knows when the man is trying to look for an excuse before he admits that he isn’t ready.

Steve only ads that he doesn’t care if she isn’t even human, that he saw way stranger things in his life. He is joking partially but he wants his best friend to know that he is supported one hundred percent. It feels mundane and weird to see Bucky worry about him possibly liking someone. In the previous timeline, their preoccupations has been miles away from that. It should have been like this, talking about work and girls and the future even.

So, Steve lets it go. He still can see Bucky with that look on his face sometimes, like he wants to say something but change his mind at the last second. He has such a hard time imagining was could make Bucky this nervous, the truth would hit him like a truck.

* * *

The mission had been a mess.

Shield and the Avengers almost had opposite objectives concerning a few magical artifacts that could be used to bring a demon to earth. The only common point between the two teams was that the artifacts could not fall into the hands of the bad guys.

Steve has to convince Rhodey to play nice long enough to stop the occult clan instead of fighting them **and** each other at the same time. Meanwhile, Natasha and Bucky from another floor are busy trying to find the last magical relic. Bucky falls into a trap that could have ended his life if he hadn’t had this metal arm of his. Still, he has to stay laying on the ground bleeding for twenty minutes before Steve is able to find him in the maze that is this “Clan’s” gigantic mansion. Natasha is alright but got ejected from the building entirely by another trap.

The injuries are severe enough that Bucky needs to be brought to a hospital. Steve immediately suggests that he takes care of him. Rhodey isn’t all that trusting of Steve, but he trust Barnes and that will have to do for now.

“I’ll send someone to check on you later” Rhodey tells Bucky, making sure Steve hears it too just in case he has some weird idea.

The ex Captain America never has been best friends with Rhodey before and clearly, it isn’t about to change in this timeline. This is far from being Steve immediate concern however as he realizes that he needs to deal healthily with the risks that comes with having people he cares about in that line of “work”. Maybe it’s time he does what he always refused to do and go see a professional.

He follows the agent communicating to the doctor the specifics of this patient metabolism.

Tony gave a lot of money to several hospital, this one included, allowing them to have everything they needs to take care of most Avengers related injuries. Of course, he planted his own team in them too, you wouldn't want these kind of information out. When the medical team is done with Bucky, he is installed in a separate room to get some rest, that’s where they ask Steve to wait and get some shut eye too because he looks rough.

When he was he public figure, most people wouldn’t dare tell him this to his face. On the other side, he wouldn’t have to insist nearly as much to be allowed to stay with his friend. It’s silly to think about it now, he believes, Captain America existence has implications he is happy to not currently have right now. The mantle burns too much.

The staff brings a bandaged Bucky to his temporary bed, waking him up.

“We will check later. If everything goes as planned, he should be able to leave in a day at most”

Steve looks at the nurse leave and scoot closer so he can put his fingers against Bucky’s hand without much pressure.

Sleep quickly finds him again, but nightmares are just as fast. He knows he is dreaming and tries to will himself awake without success. Trapped, that’s how he feels when his body finally wakes up again. Bucky has one hand in his hair, patting it gently, the other is holding a phone.

”Shit, who told him?... You know he’s gonna kill me Wanda, can you...yeah....yeah! Okay, I...yeah okay. See you later”

Steve sits and wipes his face with the back of his hand while Bucky hangs up.

”You good?”

”That’s my line Buck” Steve says with a raised eyebrow.

Bucky looks better already, it must have been a few hours since he can now open the left eye almost completely. The metal arm is undamaged but there’s some ointment on the human one. Steve stands up with the need to get his legs out of that chair for a minute and takes the two steps to the window.

”I’m good, I’m...good” he repeats, ”Well, uh Steve, there’s something I need to tell you”

Here it is again, that nervousness Bucky never had when it came to talking to Steve. What could this be?

”Is it about Wanda? Is she okay?”

”Wanda? Yeah all good, this isn’t about her, that would be hella more simple”

”Okay...”

Bucky takes a deep breath, at least, as deep as he can ”I kind of make you misunderstand something and rolled with it and...”

He is interrupted however by someone coming into the room, the face is cold and the steps sure, bringing him to the other side of the bed Bucky is laying on without as mush as a glance to the other man here.

”I told you not to engage, Barnes”

”But...”

”Shut up, I’m not done. When I tell you not to engage, what are you supposed to do?”

”Not engage” Bucky answers like a child being scolded.

”And what did you do?”

”I engaged, but Sammy, listen to me...”

”No” Sam says with authority ” **You listen to me**. You could have been killed Buck’. And for what? We would have caught them anyway because they only can perform their rituals in specifics places!”

”I thought...”

”You did not thought Barnes, that, I’m sure of” Sam continues, not caring for a second about who is listening. Bucky can pout all he wants, Sam has a few things to say ”And you said to Wanda not to tell me where you were?! That’s cold”

”I didn’t want you to worry, you are kind of annoying when you worry” Bucky let's out angrily before trying to take his words back ”What I mean is...”

”I get exactly what you mean. I’m annoying? Then fuck you dude”

Sam turns to leave but Bucky catches his hand, threading their fingers together, a gesture that almost makes Steve’s eyes jump out of their sockets, not that he wasn't already shocked to the core.

”C’mon Sammy, I’m sorry. You are right and I don’t deserve to have someone watching my six the way you do”

”Damn right you don’t” Sam agrees, avoiding Bucky’s eyes who gives him a reassuring smile and a wriggle of his brows to make him more lenient.

”Please don’t be mad at me”

”I’m mad because you’re dumb and I don’t want you dead”

”I know, you care. I promise I’ll listen to you next time. Thank you for coming anyway, I know today was important to you, that’s why I also told the team not to let you know. I’m sorry”

Sam huffs but let Bucky butter him up anyway. His face may be cold but his fingers are telling a whole other story of tenderness between the two ”I’m going to find Doctor Cho. See if you have to stay here for long...Oh, Hi”

Steve's brows are somewhere in his hairline, looking at Sam, the hands then Bucky.

”Who are you?” Sam asks when he notices the air of utter disbelief on this unknown man. Not shock only, he is livid.

”This is...”

”No one” Steve cut, almost jumping on his feet “I need to...”

He does finish his sentence, in less than two minutes, he is out of the hospital.

* * *

Each time his mind tries to understand what just happened, he tells himself “No” and blocks it. There is nothing to think about because Sam, his Sam is not the man he saw with Bucky. It’s just a really powerful illusion, it has to be. The pieces do not click to make any kind of sense.

* * *

At the same time, in the private room where James Barnes is installed, Sam wonders who this rude man was but he just ignores the question altogether to make a phone call and go look after doctor Cho as intended.

When they come back, they find Bucky with tears on his cheek, eyes fixed on his hands.

Thinking that it’s because of the pain, Helen checks his vitals and how he is physically. Sam is ready to come closer and try to give him some comfort but something in Bucky’s face makes him pause. He never saw Bucky cry from any physical pain so maybe this isn’t the reason at all. He only left for a few minutes, did something happened since then? Or was it before?

He only has the privacy to ask the burning question after the doctor’s departure but is beaten to it by Bucky’s admission.

“I fucked up”

“Yeah a little, but nothing worth crying about Barnes. The mission...”

”This isn't about the mission” Barnes cut sternly ”it’s about me and my best friend...and you”

Sam crosses his arms over his torso, waiting for the other man to continue. He is clearly fighting another round of tears, biting his bottom lips nervously.

”That was Steve”

”The rude one from earlier?” Sam asks in surprise. He barely looked at the guy, to be honest, he thought that was just another agent working with the Avengers.

Bucky let out a shaky breath ”Sam, what are we doing?”

”Maybe trying to have a conversation that makes sense but you aren't making a whole lot of it right now”

Sam's attempt at humor is met with cold grey eyes, hard as steel ”I talked about you to Steve. A lot. And he assumed that you were a woman because of the way I did. I never corrected him”

”Oh”

”Yeah, ” **Oh** ”. He thought we were...” his eyes closed for a second ”We are close, you and me and sometimes... Sammy, you gotta know, I ain’t gay”

Sam blinks, an eloquent “Uh?” coming out while the information catches up to his brain.

“You makes me feel things I’m not used to but I don’t look at men like that. I’m sorry”

The way things are slowly but surely slotting into Sam’s mind, he knew this was what would happen when he got too close from Bucky, he fucking knew it.

“Okay Barnes”

“You make me confused. I want to do all these things with you that I always only wanted with women. But I don’t think...I don’t...”

“Yeah, man, it’s cool” he cuts, already backing away.

Bucky can see Sam closing off in seconds and he panics at the idea of loosing Sam “Wait, what we got it great, you know that right? It’s just...Please Sam, wait”

Sam is at the door, “I really fooled myself on that one uh?” He says to no one specifically, the memories of Bucky being tender with him, including less than an hour ago, threatening to make Sam angry and petty.

“Sam”

“Take care Barnes” he says as neutrally as possible while he leaves the room. There’s no need to drag this further after all.

* * *

The team quickly catches on the two friends not talking to each other anymore. Pietro has jokes on jokes about it that leaves the pair silent. They think it’s about the mission and the loss of the relics to Shield and Sam is not going to correct them.

He stays professional, does his missions, his work at the VA, isn’t visibly mad, he just doesn’t interact with Barnes.

With that, it’s been a month since they stopped whatever they had and Sam arrives a the Tower late at night after a long cession with the veterans.

He just wants to go home and crash on his couch when he spots a car parked near the entrance and Bucky getting out of it. The driver is someone that looks vaguely familiar but he can’t place it.

Bucky says something and she smiles before leaving, he kisses her hand.

Sam just resumes his walk to the entrance and then to the elevator. Maybe it’s a lack of luck but Bucky is doing just the same and they end up waiting for the exact same elevator.

There’s some people here too but they are the only ones going to that part of the Tower. Bucky is the first one to leave, turning just as the doors close to Sam looking right back at him.

God, it’s hard to keep all these feelings inside, Sam thinks, going off on his floor and looking for his keys. His hand are shaky.

When he manages to get inside, only then he can admits that he is not okay with the way things are going. Tears are pooling in his eyes but it’s nothing than a series of deep breathing won’t keep at bay.

Someone knocks on the door and it’s a reflex to open even before his minds has the time to warn him.

Face to face with Bucky, he must look like an idiot because he can see his face crumble. That, or Bucky is having is own crisis too. Probably the later by the way he steps inside, all up in his space and shuts the door behind him.

“I know I shouldn’t be here but the silent treatment ain’t working Sam”

“So you come here after your date for what exactly?”

Bucky did not thought this through, of that, Sam is certain. “Her and me...it’s something, maybe, I want to explore that”

It hurts, but it’s the truth and they both have to deal with it if they want to move on.

“Then go to her. Why are you here Barnes?”

Bucky put his hand on Sam’s cheek, entirely shaven for once. Sam would love it if his body didn’t betray him like that by kissing Bucky’s human palm like it does. _Urgh._

“I want to make sense of us, even if it’s not what either of us wanted”

“I don’t want to marry you Barnes, I never asked you anything” Sam says, allowing his hand to roam free on Bucky’s clothes, making his coat drop at their feet.

“Good, because this isn’t what I can give you”

And then, more clothes ends up on the floor and Bucky is halfway getting Sam out of his black jeans when he hears “So what you can give me is a quick fuck uh?”

“Call whatever we have how you want Sam but don’t pretend you don’t know better. I’m not fucking things up between us just to get my hand on your dick”

With that, the jeans are gone, the boxer too because of the movement and Sam’s cock almost slaps Bucky’s face with the releasing movement.

Slowly, Bucky’s eyes meet his, his eyebrows drown in confusion before he swallows thickly and grabs the revealed part. The brown of it is deeper than the rest of Sam’s body, at least the parts Bucky had saw until now.

There’s something about seeing Bucky on one knee, his dick in hand that sends the blood rushing to it in seconds. Sam is almost fully erected when he sees and feels hot lips kiss the tip of it experimentally. A drop of translucent excitement appears, almost embarrassing Sam but all Bucky does it wipe it out with his thumb and then taste it.

He shrugs.

“What?”

“Tastes okay”

“It tastes okay? Jesus Christ, Barnes”

“Shut up” He says and then proceeds to learn how to suck a dick here and now.

He is a quick learner, observing with Sam’s body reaction. Once you got the basis of “Don’t put your teeth” and "Use your tongue" it’s harder to go wrong.

There’s no fancy trick and he can only put half of it in here but Sam is so happy he decides to take matter on his own hands and exchange their place.

Sam loves how the head of Bucky's cock is bigger than the shaft and definitely wants to show that he knows what he is doing.

“Shit, Sammy...”

He continues for two or three minutes before deciding than he wants it in another position.

They still have their top on when Sam lays on the floor, not even in the living room, and directs Bucky above him in a sixty nine.

“I...I’m not on top usually, I mean, for that position”

“Well, there’s a first for everything” Sam answers easily, kissing the thick dick and the balls.

With one hand he starts to gently caress Bucky’s ass and feels a bit of reservation about that. He doesn’t push further, keeping his administration light and carefull.

Bucky’s starts to pants in between taking care of Sam’s dick, the pressure building in him.

“Doll, I’m going to...fuck...Sam”

Sam slides like a snake from underneath Bucky, getting behind him in a matter of seconds. The other man, realizing his position starts to move but Sam stops him.

“Trust me. If it doesn’t feel good, we stop. Okay?”

“I do not think I’m ready to get fucked”

“Who said anything about fucking Barnes?”

Sam starts off by sucking Bucky from behind and by the way the man whimpers, he has no complains. Then, he moves on to the slightly hairy balls before quickly moving to the perineum, all the while he jerks off Bucky at a slow pace.

Right now, he is face down, ass up and Sam takes all of the view. Bucky’s plump ass is right there and Sam takes his time between the sucking of licking of his dick and getting higher and higher letting spit drool from his mouth to Bucky’s ass until it reach his cock and Sam can use it as lube to jerk him off even more efficiently.

Bucky’s whole body contracts and vibrates, “Sammmm” he breathes in a pleading tone.

Sam kisses his left cheek, and then the right, let a finger pass in the crack without getting _there_ but with how he takes care of Bucky’s cock, it’s enough to have the man drip a copious amount of sperm on the floor in a freeing exhale.

“Shit, Jesus...”

Bucky catches his breath while Sam keeps playing with his body before he turns and looks at the mess he done.

“Wow. Okay”

Sam laughs, looks at Bucky get up and think that this is over, only to have the other man push him against the door and grab him from behind.

“Your turn”

“You don’t have to...”

“You’re so annoying Wilson, I want to make you cum like you did to me. Wank for me, would ya”

So Sam starts, feeling Bucky’s body against him. His mouth on his neck, hands on his abs, then his ass. Sam can feel his spent cock between them.

“That ass Wilson...the things I would do to it” he whispering in Sam’s ear.

Sam’s body is arching against Bucky’s who starts rolling his hips. He turns his head as much as he can and Bucky kisses him filthy. The metal hand catches his nipple while the other hand on Sam’s middle to steady him and in minutes, he can feel his orgasm coming.

“Yeah baby, that’s it, cum for me” Bucky cajole, all but biting his neck as his awoken dick finds its way between Sam’s thick tights.

The door receives hot squirts of sperm as well as the wall and their shoes. Sam is seeing stars and as soon as his hand leaves his member, Bucky’s on it, playing with it until the over-stimulation makes Sam let a lazy “stop” that Bucky ignores, sending rippling of pleasure through his body. He wants to make sure there’s not a single drop still in there and even has the audacity to bring, again, a come covered finger to his mouth.

“Why are you doing this?” Sam asks but Bucky just shrugs again.

“You made quite a mess here Sammy”

“Me?! Dude, I’m pretty sure you stepped into your own juice”

They laugh and decide to clean up. The clean up leads to a shower and the shower leads to a silent invitation somehow that gets them in the same bed.

Sam wonders how this is going to play out since Bucky is the one snuggling against him so he can put his head on his pec.

Somewhere in between head caresses, Sam falls asleep too. He already knows they’ll have to talk very soon but for now, oh for now, he just savors the moment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, if I post only a chapter per week, I will be there till 2021 and no one has the time lol, enjoy <3

The wind is loud and the sky full of dark clouds that make the night even deeper. It’s going to rain in a little more than an hour which is perfect for Sam to do his mission.

There isn’t a lot of people still in the building but most of them are on the same floor. You wouldn’t know Erden is linked to AIM at first glance, their data management activities are nothing but legal, employees as happy as they can be in a small company and not too many shady, ahem "optimized" tax practices. Erden is your typical company gaining traction enough to not be a start up anymore.

Too bad one of the associate is knee deep in debts that can’t be solved with money.

Thanks to Redwing, Sam can see that most of the employees are trying to finish quickly to leave. Two of them however aren’t going home anytime soon as their other job require them to make sure everyone, including the CEO, is gone before they can leave.

Well, Sam isn’t there for them anyway, he has been following a cleaning lady for an hour with his bot until she reaches the eleventh floor to continue her task.

Cloaked, Redwings flies silently to the associate’s office and voluntary bumps into it to catch the attention of one of the seer.

He repeats the maneuver and because they can’t see anything outside, they start to believe that something is going on inside. It prompts them to find a way to open the door in case there’s an intruder. Of course, they still don’t see anything, but with the now opened door, Redwings can fly by without being noticed when they both walk to the window to check that it’s still closed.

The computer, he's target, is on the desk and it’s easy for Sam to get inside and copy the whole thing in one quick swoop. From there, he applies the exact same technique to get out. Redwings is long gone by the time the employees finally accept that they must be going crazy.

On the roof of a nameless building, Sam smiles as he tucks the drone (well, it’s way more than that really) safely on his back. At least, he smiles until he notices that he has company.

“Hi” the redhead says from the door leading to the stairs.

Sam doesn’t know why she came to him and isn’t curious enough to ask. Goggles still on his face, he opens his wings to fly when she interrupts him again.

“You know there’s already someone coming for you, right? There’s a tracker in one of the file you took”

“How would you know that?” he asks without turning to look at her.

She smiles “Spencer, their special IT guy, loves to do this, especially when it comes to managing drug deals on the side and make sure no one double cross him”

It corroborate some of his own info so Sam shrugs, it doesn’t matter that they find him anyway. “Thanks for the tips, Miss Romanov”

If she is surprised, she doesn’t show it “And you are?”

“Leaving” he answers with a smile, taking two steps back before falling for a second and rising again into the night sky.

He really doesn’t go far before something almost crashes into him. If it wasn’t for his suit, he wouldn’t have been able to avoid the flying body.

The person has pale skin with green undertone and looks quite human if you omit the three pairs of translucent buzzing wings reminiscent of an insect.

“You smell like a thief” he accuses.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m just the security guy”

With that, they engage in a aerial battle that Sam brings on the roog of another building. Quickly, Sam discovers that this guy’s palms produce a very corrosive substance. Considering what happen to that metal door, right behind Sam’s head a second ago, he definitely needs to keep this guy hands under control.

“Are you going to play for long? I’m hungry” Romanov says.

Sam is only eighty percent sure that she is addressing him. He wouldn’t say that a hand would be appreciated but she is probably observing him and learning things about his combat style, just in case. He needs to finish this quickly so he pretends to give the guy a hit with his wing only to reveal Redwings and a temporary blinding spray. While the guy screams, a quick successions of punches finish to put him to sleep.

Natasha claps two times before grabbing her phone “There’s trash to collect, sending you the location”, then, she pushes herself out of the building wall, the security door near her has two large holes thanks to whoever this man is.

Running a quick face research in the Avengers database, it takes less than a minute for Sam to find out who this is.

“David Newman, was an accountant for AIM until two years ago. Confirmed Terrigenenis”

“Well. Mister Austen always liked to surround himself with people with abilities. If he could be sure he was an Inhuman, he would have became one already I think” she explains.

William Austen is the man Sam stole the data from. One of the associates from Erden, loving father with a passion for car races. The problem, he is the only one among the associates to be linked to suspicious companies and shadiest individuals one way or another. He isn’t the real target thought, in the grand scheme of things, he only is a pawn. No, Sam is after a bigger fish.

“What about a drink? I know a nice place ten minutes from here” Natasha proposes when they are in front of the building, a black SUV already parking near them with no less than four agents coming out of it to take away the knocked out Inhuman. They barely glance at Sam but he already got the attention of the most dangerous person around.

“Give me one reason”

“I’ll give you two. First because the information you got may help us stop something really dangerous and two because we can gossip about Barnes”

Of course, Sam thinks, she knows. Bucky told her about whatever the fuck they are doing in the same way he told Sam about her. Because, and that’s the thing, the morning following the first time Bucky and him had sex, they did talk. Bucky has been clear about what he was doing in his intimate life and how he met a colleague of Steve during the New Year party he went to and started to keep contact with her.

Sam had just asked her name and what she was like, trying to have all the cards in hands to understand what to do with the feelings he already had for Bucky.

It’s been almost three months since then and Sam is aware that what Bucky and him have, while seriously pushing the boundaries of what people would call friendship, would never turn into a romantic relationship. He is not a woman. This is as simple as that.

No matter what labels should apply, Sam knows that Bucky will not think of him as a potential lover. It hurts, not because Sam wants to date Bucky but because he is conscious of the barrier between them. He wonders if he is lying to himself though, if he does want to feel that way toward Bucky and be his boyfriend. What shakes him more is that Barnes is sort of his best friend in fact. He is sleeping with his best friend and that’s what is messing things up. Sam wants him happy and is glad he met a woman that can make him smile and maybe think about life as more than a endless fight. But at the same time, yes, there’s a little jealousy there, he won’t lie. He should know better than mixing sex with feelings but how not to do it when the man that just cummed on you likes to sleep against your body after?

Does he sleep with Natasha the same way? Head on her chest, one hand in her hair?

Curiosity is stronger than his discomfort about them fucking the same man and it’s a good opportunity to know what Shield is up to.

* * *

There’s way too much velvet in this bar, Sam decides, even if his ass is comfortably sinking into a dark green cushioned little couch. Romanov must know one or two person there because she leads the two of them to a empty table as if it was waiting for her.

“So,” she starts “could you play nice and share the data you collected?”

“Why haven’t you retrieved them yourself? Aren’t you famous for getting information?”

She smiles then, something beautiful Sam doesn’t believe is really sincere “I known Austen has a special kind of loving for originals security methods”

“You used me”

“No. I had no idea an Avengers would come to him. What were you there for?”

They look at each other, knowing that one of them is going to open up if they want to move forward. Unfortunately for Natasha, she is the one needing the data. She doubts Sam knows this but by copying them, he also made sure they wouldn’t be available on that same computer he took them from again as to protect Austen’s files from being linked to him.

“Listen, there’s powerful weapons out there and one of them has been stolen from us recently. We need the data to find it. You?”

“They are using Terrigen Crystals. I need to find out why and where”

As he finishes his whiskey on the rock, he look for his wrist where a Stark bracelet allows him to access Redwings interface. Three minutes later, he shows Natasha an Internet address on his phone without putting it into her hand directly. She uses her own phone to access the address and download what she needs.

“Thank you Sam”

“Yeah, I hope I won’t regret this”

“Now that the business is over” she says with genuine enthusiasm “How did you met Barnes?”

There’s no time to answer however because her phone vibrates in her pocket and she has to pick it up. Her smile disappears quickly, the exchange with whoever she is talking to seems to be about a stone or something. She is quite displeased about the last bit of information she gets and gives the bar address before hanging up.

”Shit, I have to go”

“What’s going on?”

“We’ll have to get that chat another time”

In less than a minute, she has paid for the two of them and is already by the door, Sam on her tail.

“Did something happen? Do you need help?”

A car stops in front of them just as they walk outside provoking a few honks by doing so.

The window rolls down “Let’s go, Fury is mad as hell and waiting for... oh”

At first, Sam doesn’t pay attention to the man who just talked, too focused on Natasha until she gets in the car. Their eyes meet and it only takes a few seconds to Sam to remembers that he already saw the guy looking at him funny. It’s the second time now.

“Let’s go Rogers!” Natasha presses from her seat, prompting Steve to tear his eyes away from the pseudo stranger looking back at him with perplexity at first then something less neutral and closer to cautious disgust.

“Steve!”

“Yeah! Sorry”

The car disappears quickly, leaving Sam standing there with an uneasy feeling. Something about that man rubs him the wrong way. It only lasted a few seconds but its eyes were strangely intense. Sam doesn't like to assume the worst in people but between the hospital and what just happened, he thinks something is wrong with Steve Rogers.

* * *

A recurring joke among Pietro, Bucky and Sam is that Tony Stark could easily become a super-villain.

When they see what the genius is working on, their initial reaction is almost always ”What happens if that technology fell into the wrong hands?”

As the CEO of one of the biggest tech companies in the world, his mind is always on the next innovation. They get that. But also, they know he may or may not take some inspiration from one or two criminals work sometimes.

That drone project? Not a good look. Bucky likes to ask Tony when he will use his powers for good and make flying cars. Sam and Rhodey believe that one day, Tony will make a single flying car just for Bucky to shut up.

Sam has no doubts that he must have dozens of unethical projects somewhere but surely, his moral compass prevents him from doing actual reprehensible things right?

”I’m telling you, Sam, there’s something calling me each time I’m sleeping. It’s close” Wanda says, still in her bed, her hair less damp than a few minutes ago.

Her brother gives her some water and sits next to her.

It’s Pietro who accidentally bumped into Sam as he entered the Tower, an air of urgency on his face. He tried to play it off as nothing but Sam knew better, so Pietro admitted that his sister wasn’t feeling well lately, Sam didn’t expect so see the woman with glowing red eyes that she had trouble controlling.

”Close as in...”

”Here, in the building, I believe. It’s messing up with my powers” she explains, suddenly unsure she won't be judged as crazy by Sam.

He is quick to assure her that he believes her one hundred percent. He trusts Wanda and trusts her to know if something is wrong with her abilities. In fact, he feels proud that the twins are comfortable talking to him. She seems up for tracking whatever may be interfering but shows less enthusiasm when he wants to involve the rest of the team. They agree to take care of it as a trio.

In this place, no matter the day or the hour, there’s always people working. Two in the morning and the Stark Tower is still slowly pulsing with the rhythm of a dozens people scattered here and there.

Wanda occasionally let a reddish smoke out of her hands that lead them on Tony’s lab floor. They can tell he is still in there, a smooth sensual jazz welcoming them as soon as they are out of the elevator. The floor is really large and fragmented in smaller spaces. For them, who usually never go there, it’s kind of a maze.

Sam would have just call on Tony but Wanda seems more than suspicious already so he keeps silent and follows her, Pietro right next to them. Ultimately, they arrive to the farthest space which is the one with Tony in it.

“This should do the trick” he is saying to himself “Jarvis, increase the power by one hundred and twenty percent”

“Sir, the room is already unable to contain the leaking energy”

“It’s going to be just fine” Tony waves off.

Wanda is glowing from her whole body now and the other two men near her has to get a step back, shocked a bit by the energy.

“Tony, you have to stop!”

“Initiating lunching sequence. One minute before execution” Jarvis says without a care.

“What are you all doing here?! This is dangerous! Why are you glowing?”

They all enter the room and it’s impossible to miss the pod with someone...or something inside.

“Tony, what is this?” Sam asks, looking at the red face with closed eyes and also the shiny diamond on its forehead.

“Seriously, you have to leave!” Tony answers “GO!”

He runs to them, catches Pietro’s hand to push him out while the younger man protests but Sam doesn't move, shocked at what looks awfully like a human in this pod, outside of the red of the face.

“Thirty second. Please evacuate”

“Wanda?” Her brother call but she seems in trance, floating her way slowly to the pod.

Pietro pushes Tony away and uses his super speed to grab her but is ejected instead and finishes his course by rolling on a table and falling from it.

“Wanda, snaps out of it!” Sam calls, rushing to put himself between her and whatever is in the pod.

Tony is grabbing a very dizzy Pietro “Too late! Wilson get out!”

The three men move out of the room but only Tony and Pietro makes it out, the door closing behind them and forbidding Sam to leave.

“What the fuck?”

“Execution in five, four...”

“JARVIS STOPS” Tony screamed at the AI in vain.

All Sam can do is see Wanda reach with one hand just as the thing on this...man(?) forehead glows yellow and then, a wave of golden energy explode, projecting Sam and Wanda away.

The ringing in Sam’s ear is awful and his left leg hurts more than the rest of his body. The room is devastated, electricity spouting left and right. Wanda is on the floor, laying unconscious. At least, Sam hopes she only is unconscious. He has trouble reaching her but manage to get her in his arms.

“Wanda? Wanda!”

Pietro appears, a cut on his cheek, looking distressed. Wanda stirs and bats her her in confusion “Uh?”

“Oh my God you idiots! What did you do? Are you okay?”

“What did we do? What were YOU doing?” Sam asks Tony back in between coughs from raising his voice.

“Shit. Jarvis? Jarvis?!”

The AI doesn’t answer which isn’t to reassure them. The noise coming from what has been the pod minutes earlier doesn’t help at all.

The thing inside is stranding among the trash, eyes on them then on it's hand. It kind of look like a human but there’s no way it’s one.

It seems quite disoriented, a shaky hand touches the stone on its forehead in perplexity. Surprisingly human eyes set up on the group, dropping on each of them and staying the longest Wanda who is just as entranced as the being facing them.

She insists to stand up taking the step separating from the thing. Tony, Pietro and Sam are all ready to intervene.

The fingers she approaches from the stone are surrounded by red smoke. They both close their eyes as they start to float, red and gold light dancing around them slowly.

Finally, they touch the ground again and Wanda is crying in its arm while he gently strokes her hair like... like a lover would do.

“I can’t remember” she whispers “I try but I can’t...”

“Me neither. But I know you. From before...another time? Another timeline”

She nods suddenly, the answer making sense only for them “Yes. That’s it! Something happened...something bad”

“Excuse me” Pietro cuts “What is going on? What is this?” He points to the creature.

“Well, I’m not human but I’m not a thing. I’m a synthezoid and my name is...My name is..Vision”

“Viz” Wanda says softly, making the synthezoid smile like Wanda is the sun and the moon of his existence.

“Oooookay. What the fuck?. Tony, what the hell?” Sam turns to who he believes is responsible.

Stark is barely believing his own eyes “Uh...I was working on a project and...The notes were right, it really was an In...uh?”

Tony gets his phone out of his pocket, taping in it quickly “Shit, they’re here” and starts running out like he has the devil itself on his ass.

By reflex, Sam starts running after him, noting that the other three are right behind.

In the elevator Tony tries to give an explanation that satisfies no one and when they are almost out of the Tower, they can see Bucky outside with an uzi in one hand and Parker next to him, his spider mask on but in his pajamas otherwise.

“What is going on Mister Stark? We heard an explosion and then Sergeant Barnes dragged me outside”

“Whatever you all were doing caught Shield attention. Whose the new guy?”

Thunder crackles in the sky and lighting falls right in front of them revealing Thor Odinson in all his godly glory. Two large military-type black vans appear behind him to reveal several agents.

Sam recognize some of them, Romanov of course, Bruce Banner and Steve Rogers.

”Was this really necessary?” Tony asks with false confidence that doesn’t fool anyone. His face screams guilty, of what exactly, Sam doesn’t know.

”We’re too late, he used it” Rogers says, looking directly at Vision.

Bucky asks his best friend what is going on and Steve seems quite annoyed.

Sam notes that this is the first time he sees the man with his suit on. Something reminiscent of the suit you would see in a museum or in old footage. This one however is something else. Navy blue with a silver star on the chest, it makes Rogers eyes look like two iceberg. Sam only notices because for some reason, he seems to be the leader here.

Vision and Wanda both float their way to Steve, Pietro shadowing his sister just in case. When they are face to Steve, Vision forehead jewel starts to pulse from the inside and Wanda’s power mimics it, covering the surrounding in red light.

”Are you okay?” Vision asks Wanda who looks at her hand them Steve.

”Excuse me but, can I? There's something about your energy that feels different”

Romanov appears behind him quickly but he shows no sign of discomfort and nods instead. Both Vision and Wanda bring a hand to Steve’s face and they seem to all shut down for a few seconds. When Rogers opens his eyes, they glow with multiple colors, the yellow and green one the strongest.

”Oh. I get it now” Vision says in an even tone.

”You’re not from now” Wanda explains in turn ”You knew us, before”

Rogers nods once again, and Wanda continues ”But I can’t remember anything about it, just impressions, persistent feelings”

”You are different” Vision ads as a simple observation.

”Will you come with us?” Steve asks Vision.

Of course, Wanda wants to follow too but Steve doesn’t seem to think that this is a great idea, however before he can disagree, Bucky backs up Wanda which prompt Pietro to say that if his sister goes, he goes too, leaving Sam totally out of the loop while Thor smiles at him, winks and rolls his hammer before taking flight.

In three minutes, everyone is back into their vehicle with the addition of Bucky, Wanda, Vision, and Pietro.

Sam looks at Peter and then Tony, both with their eyes on the direction of where the cars lefts.

”What the fuck?” Sam repeats as Tony groans about needing a drink.

”Same, Mister Stark”

”You’ll have tea, Parker”

* * *

Later, as he lays in his bed, he wonders how to interpret that exchange between Wanda, Rogers and the new guy. Have they lost their memories? How does Wanda know Rogers? Hell, how the new guy, Vision, fits into all of this? What is he ? He is a what or a who? He said he isn't a what but Tony says he created him. Why would he be in danger anyway?

Something doesn't add up.

* * *

Steve leads the group to a special warehouse designed to limits the radiations from an infinity stone to a minimum. They can’t erase it completely and it’s not dangerous but it can be traced. Because Steve isn't sure how Thanos manages to find the Infinity stones, so has to be careful.

On their ways, he explains what he knows about them to Wanda, Bucky and Vision but it’s really not much.

”How exactly do you have that knowledge Steve?” Bucky questions when they enter the warehouse, a Shield team already inside. ”And before you answer, if you try to bullshit me, I’ll know”

Steve pushed this moment for too long already. His previous interaction with Wanda has been weird but with Vision here, it’s only a matter of time before the truth explodes in his face anyway.

”I come from the future. Or at least, a version of it” he admits ”from when I come from, an alien guy named Thanos is looking for these powerful things, the infinity stones. They can change every aspect of reality, space, time... do things beyond imagination”

Vision touch the gem on his forehead ”Like this one”

”It’s the mind stone yes”

”Wait a second” Bucky intervenes ”So you already lived all of this? This is how you found me?”

Steve starts to explain his own timeline, keeping it consistent with what he said to Natasha, Fury and the others which means keeping Sam’s name out of his mouth. However, as the story goes, he decides to stay as truthful as possible so he reveals that the trio facing him all died. As well as the threats they had to deal with, like Ultron that Tony may or may have not created again. It’s with heavy heart and eyes full of tears threatening to fall that he finishes, confirming to Bucky why he tried to warn him about Tony.

After that, Thor completes the story, adding more about the stones and who Thanos is and wants. The Asgardian prince isn't often on earth as he spends most of his time in space, sometimes teaming up with Carol. He took on the mission to heal his relationship with his brother, from what Steve knows, this is a full-time job. He revealed recently that Loki has been approached by Thanos’s men to locate the stones which he would have accepted hadn't he knew that Thanos had killed him in another timeline.

”But how are you here then?” Pietro asks, having been especially silent till they got in the Shield van.

”I’m not sure” Steve admits truthfully ”I tried to destroy the gauntlet with the stones in it. There was an explosion and next thing I knew, I was waking up in 2012, again”

”Must be a combination of several stones” Thor theorizes ”The time and mind probably, maybe the soul one, or reality one”

”Which explains why I can feel that you say the truth Captain” Vision agrees ”It’s still annoying to have these memories probably locked up somewhere in this”

”Could you restore everyone's memories then?” Natasha suggests, quite interested.

”This” Vision says ”is like an infinite ocean. To restore the exact set of memories from this specific timeline to the right person has an extremely low chance to ever happen”

She is definitely disappointed but she understands. it doesn't change their problems at hand.

As long as Vision has the Mind stone as a part of him, he will be a target. In addition, it highlights that despite their efforts, they still have some leaks in Shield since they managed to lose the stone. Whoever did it has been smart enough to let the scepter there and had access to Shield security protocols.

In addition, they might have a homicidal AI out there and their hand are full.

”We need help, Steve. I want to ask Princess Shuri for advice”

Steve agrees with Natasha. He hasn’t had the opportunity to work with Wakanda. Or, more exactly, he has avoided to work with them, considering Prince T’Challa’s role in the events leading to the death of Bucky and Sam.

They may be alive now, it doesn’t stops the nightmares and the suffocating feeling that they are going to be taken from him again. This train of thoughts is enough to make him zone out for a moment. When he comes back in the here and now, Bucky has his eyes fixed on him. With a head movement, Bucky leaves the warehouse and Steve follows. They walk away until they reach Brighton Beach after a few minutes.

They sit on the cold sand, maybe a bad idea when they both wear their tactical gear but its reminiscent of the times they would go to Coney Island, it always finished with a walk on the beach.

”Are you mad at me?”

Steve is confident in his answer but his throat betrays him, letting the answer struggle just enough to be noticeable ”N-no”

”You are one of the worst liars I ever met Rogers”

”What are you even talking about?”

”Please” Bucky says with a hard breath ”Is this why you never looked for me when you let me go from Hydra? Because I already was like that in this...previous timeline or whatever?”

The mix of sand and stones under them isn’t comfortable but Steve feels too heavy to move.

“I didn’t know Buck! Hell, I still don’t understand what is going on with...Aren’t you having a thing with Natasha?”

“And I have a thing with him as well. I don’t know about other men, maybe I’m even too scared to think about it, but with him it’s different” Bucky confesses heavily. “I saw your face Steve, I saw how you looked at us...at him”

“Bucky, no...”

Their eyes finally meet “Which one is it Steve, I need to know. Is it because he’s a man, his skin color or the two?”

“No! I’m not like that Bucky, you know I’m not!”

“Do I?”

His words are a slap in Steve’s face. How can Bucky think that he is racist and homophobic? How did they drifted so far apart that this is a legitimate option?

“You don’t believe that”

“I don’t know what to believe Steve”

“We **know** each other!”

“I barely knows myself right now” Bucky whispers-shouts “I don’t know if I can trust you, if I am in denial of my own sexuality or if any of this is even real. For all I know, I could be hallucinating this whole thing. This is too much”

As close to a fight as they, Steve knows he has something else to say, something Bucky will not want to hear because it’s about Sam.

“Listen, there’s something I need to tell you about Sam”

“No” Bucky cuts, getting on his feet quickly “You better shut your mouth Rogers, I swear you betta...”

“You need to get him out of the Avengers, make him go back to the VA, call his mother if you have to”

In two seconds, Bucky pushed him hard, a hand against his shoulder to keep him on the sand “How do you know about him?”

“If you died, what do you think happened to him?”

The shock on Bucky’s face is followed by a cold anger “ **What?** ”

“You care about him, yeah? Then do the right thing and make sure he is safe, away from this violence, away from people...from people who don’t care about anything but themselves”

Steve never resorted to used this kind of emotional manipulation, Bucky knows, something ain’t right. Was Sam an Avengers too and met the same end than him? This doesn't sit right with him at all.

”What do you know?”

”I can’t tell you”

”Really? You chose to pull that card with me right now? You just told us we were all dead, how is he different?!”

” **I.can't.tell.you** ” Steve repeats with his teeth almost shut together.

”Okay then fuck off” With that, the conversation is over and Bucky goes back in the direction of the warehouse leaving Steve on the beach without looking back.

* * *

When he makes it back to the Tower, he has a moment of hesitation before sending a message to Sam. By the time he reaches the elevator, he got an answer letting him know that he is about to hit the bed.

”Can I come?” he sends, waiting for the positive answer even if he is already pushing Sam’s floor.

The black thumb up emoji makes him smile despite his emotional turmoil so he knocks on the door and when Sam answers, he crowds his space as a ton as he can.

”Okay... What’s going on? What happened?”

”Can I ask you something? Right now I just want a shower and sleep next to you. I don’t want to talk about this”

”That bad uh?” Sam notices, because of course, he notices these things about Bucky, reading him like a child book.

Instead of answering, he gives Sam a peck that quickly transforms into something more affirming. Is he stupid to think of his own death as a non-event but be shaken by the possibility of Sam’s demise?

Steve was wrong, just like he has been wrong about Tony and him, Sam will be just fine, Bucky believes. When he retreats to the bathroom he still needs a minute to compose himself. He’ll tell him later, but right now? He wants nothing more than Sam’s arms around him.


	8. Chapter 8

Almost laying on his bed, Sam’s reviewing the info on his mission again. It’s a big deal that the Inhumans royalty decided to call the Avengers for help in stopping and catching Maximus. It isn’t clear exactly what his goal is but he met several Hydra agents in the previous months. While Medusa believes that this has to do with his redundant project of to become the King of the Inhumans somehow, her husband does not seem to share her conclusion. Since he can’t exactly talk, he offered no more insight during their virtual meeting earlier that week. He must really trust her if he allows her to talk in its name.

He ditches his phone when Bucky enters the room, shirtless and wearing one of Sam’s jogging. With a small smile he comes closer so they both get under the covers.

Sam huffs but let Bucky use him as a pillow, he likes the feeling of his head on his pec anyway. It’s not exactly usual for Bucky to be as demanding physically but it’s a sign of how far they made it together. It still tugs something at Sam’s heart to have him like this, pain, hope, pride, joy, all mixed in the way he moves his fingers on Bucky’s neck just because he can. They wish each other good night and Bucky kisses him before resuming his position, holding him even tighter. Something is weird, Sam doesn't know what, it's just his intuition. He won’t press, wants to at least wait for the next day before asking questions.

They both fall asleep fast, more comfortable than the position should allow. To Sam’s surprise, he wakes up rested and ready, the alarm barely ringing before he catches his phone to stop it. A quick look to the other man in the bed informs him that he starts to wake up too.

”You can stay in bed, I need to go to the bathroom”

Bucky answers with a grunt and Sam abandons the warmth of his body with regret. When he is ready to leave, Bucky is still laying where he was, he cracks an eye open at Sam, looking at himself in the mirror of his closet, this steal grey suit on him looks great.

”You okay?”, Sam finally asks.

”Yeah, sorry for crashing last night”

”What are friends for?” Sam reassures him ”I gotta go, hope you’ll talk to me about what happens yesterday”

There’s an hesitation written all on Bucky’s face but he shakes it away “You’ll be careful, yeah?”

Sam offers one of his most dashing smiles “I always am”.

* * *

Shield agents popping up during their mission starts to become awfully common. Sometimes, Sam gladly admits that it can offer a good synergy even if they don’t exactly "work together". It can be complicated when they have incompatible missions objectives, like in this case, when their goal is indirectly ruining the Avengers’ mission.

Sam has to arrest Maximus, he expects it to run smoothly even if the Inhuman is kind of crazy. It still annoys him that they don’t have the big picture. Maximus met a lot of criminals but he, himself, seems to have done nothing more than talk. This is why Sam has a small team, all they need is to catch up Maximus on his way out of the Chicago’s children Museum.

They had planned everything to be sure the Museum was secure as soon as they got the info. The only problem is, their intel is bogus and Shield actually got the good one, and it’s way worse.

The mission goes from catch Maximus to prevent Maximus, Raina and some other Hydra affiliated lunatics to access the Bureau of water supply. Medusa herself had confirmed that Maximus had no access to Terrigen crystals so there shouldn’t be any concern in that department.

Sam spots some Shields agents in a cloaked quinjet right above the main building. He really hopes they won’t mess this up, it’s one of the only time he regrets not taking Stark’s offer to upgrade his suit to look more closely to Rhodey’s because guess who has a cloaking option too and who has not? It’s okay, he uses Redwings to spy on the complex and locate his target. Instead, he finds Raina arriving in a car with two white men. One of them is an ex Shield agent, Ward. The other one doesn’t have anything particular about him, he looks quite like a nobody, Doctor Calvin Zabo? Is he another one of Hydra mad scientist?

Sam doesn’t have much time to think of a plan, his team his relocating fast but they can’t evacuate the employees without risking a dangerous and more confusing movement that would be to the enemy’s advantage. Unfortunately, Shield chose the opposite approach, making the alarm blast around and each building close quickly. If it does block Raina, Ward and Zabo outside, it also alerts Maximus wherever he is that he has been found.

Some Shield’s agents, among them Phil Coulson, appears out of nowhere and confront the trio. From what Sam can hear thanks to his trusted droid, one of the two Shield’s women here, the younger one, is the daughter of Zabo and seems to have a personal beef with Raina. She takes a step closer to them and the building door shatters in a loud high sound. Three people are coming out and only one of them look like a regular human. Maximus goes out of the building in turn, commanding his goons to take care of Shield while Raina and her group already walk inside.

Sam has to act quick. Now, he can either look after Maximus or help Shield take down the three inhuman. One of them flies and manages to get Coulson high in the air before letting him fall to his doom. Fast as the wind, Sam is already on his way. He catches Coulson who hold on to him with all he has. Calling his own team to help, it gives him the occasion to talk to Coulson and ask him what they are doing exactly.

“They have Terrigen that they planed to dilute into the water. We need to stop them”

“Shit, Medusa told us Maximus didn't have any, I get why now. Wait”

“We can’t wait, Wilson” Coulson says “They can do it anytime now”

“Do you know where they are or how to find them? There’s six floor and look around, from the pumping stations to the purification plant zone, they can do whatever wherever they want” Sam calmly explains while using Redwing to connect to the security cameras “Here, they are near the laboratories”

Coulson calls his team and they make their way to the floor directly under them. They have two more Inhumans to get rid of, one of them does manage to hurt Coulson and that’s one arm that will need medical attention later.

They finally enter a large room right before their destination and everyone is here around a table. There’s a rather large Terrigen crystal but this one is more silver than black. Sam is no expert in that thing but he guesses this is what they need to prevent from touching the water.

As soon as they spot them, Maximus grabs the crystal to put it into a black case. If they want to escape, they have to go through Sam and Shield. If Sam initially believes that Zabo is just a regular human, seeing him throw the table at them with that level of strength quickly corrects him. Enhanced then.

Maximus bolts his way through Zabo, Coulson, Ward and the woman named Daisy.

Sam blocks him and they engage in a fight. As soon as he notices that he won’t beat Sam fair and square in a physical battle, he uses another tactics and opens the case with the Terrigen crystal, forcing Sam to stop mid movements and take a nasty cut to his side from Maximus little blade he had hidden.

Raina is trying to run outside but Daisy catches her and Zabo tosses Coulson like a ragdoll, accidentally hitting Maximus and Sam too. The crystal flies out of the case and Sam sends Redwings to catch it but Zabo grabs the already mistreated table and smacks both Redwings and the crystal with it.

“RUN!” Someone says but it’s too late. Sam is pinned by Maximus who grins at him. With a push of his wings, he gets away and just has time to get himself in a ball and a protective cocoon making everything go dark as he rolls around for a second.

* * *

When Sam opens his eyes and then his wings, there’s a lot of dust settling making him couch several times. He has a small headache but nothing to fuss about.

“Fuck” he lets escape.

There’s only five Terrigen cocoon. Maximus is not one of them clearly which means he is now gone. By deduction, he guess Zabo must be another Inhuman but he can’t be sure. One of the cocoon starts to shake a little and Sam can only watch a spiked headed person emerge. It takes a second to recognize the woman.

“Raina?”

She doesn’t look human at all and by the look on her face when she observes her hands, this isn’t what she wanted “No... No, no, no...” Her eyes wander around then to Sam and she flees, panic distorting her new features.

Sam should run after her but his body feels a bit numb. On her way out she pushes one of the cocoon and it surprises both her and Sam that her hand goes right through it.

She takes her hand back with a scream and the cocoon turns to dust.

_**Who the fuck was that?!**_ He wonders in horror.

Raina is out of the room two seconds later and Sam has difficulties to get up. When he finally can do it, he immediately calls on his team but is informed that there was more Inhumans which is why they couldn’t come earlier. They secured the basin and the pumps by combining forces with Shield. Part of them are following Maximus who did escaped with someone confirmed to be Zabo.

Sam looks at the cocoons, one of them is Daisy, the second Coulson and the last is Ward which mean the one that didn’t make it is the agent he didn’t know. There’s no point in rushing outside anymore, he needs a medical team for the cocoons ASAP.

From what he knows about Terrigenesis, the fate of whoever comes in contact with the crystal is already sealed right away.

The room starts to vibrate suddenly. Not enough to make him loose his balance but enough to be noticeable. Two seconds later, one of the cocoon explode revealing the woman underneath and destroying the other two in a pile of nothing more than dust, just like the other one. She has trouble catching her breath, cough several time, seems quite haggard.

“Hey, you okay? Daisy, right?”

Her eyes focus en Sam “What...the crystal...”

Sam braces himself “We lost”

“What do you mean?”

“Maximus and your father escaped. Raina too but...she changed”

Daisy looks around “Where are the others? Antoine? Coulson? What about Ward?”

Sam shakes his head and she takes two step back in shock, her feet definitely stepping in was is left of her team.

“No...” she whispers, tears ready to fall. “No!” She repeats louder this time, and another vibration, stronger, pushes Sam away.

It’s her.

She notices it too, looking at her hands in horror. Sam tries to calm her “I’m sorry. The medical team is coming. I guess you know what happened to you right?”

She stays silent a moment before nodding “My mom is an Inhuman, I only learnt that a few days ago. My dad...I don’t know what he is but...I knew he wanted me to go through it so he must have known it wouldn’t kill me” she explains.

The tears falls again but this time without more vibrations. The medical teams arrives, both from the Avengers support team and Shield, quickly taking in everything that happened when Sam explains. Shield is shaken by the death of two of them but with the support of the others, they remain strong enough to do their work.

“Cap is outside” one of them says to Daisy “He said he’ll bring you back to HQ”

She nods, walking outside with her arms around her. Sam follows, not wanting to stay here another second. When he steps out of the building, the very first things he thinks is that the birds here, mostly Herring Gull and Merganser sounds loud. There's a Cooper’s Hawk flying right above him, it’s presence feels magnetic, for a second he imagines what it would be like flying like this. In fact, he imagines so well he can see the surrounding as if he was the hawk himself.

“Agent Wilson” Someone says next to him, bringing him back in his body in a way that feels violent as if someone just cut the TV at the most crucial moment of a show.

“What?” He snaps with an anger he doesn’t understand himself. There’s no reason for him to react like this he thinks just before looking at the big blonde with blue eyes and his surprised face. “Oh, you” He can't even hide his deception either.

“Hi, uh, I didn’t saw you come in”

“Because I was already inside, with her” Sam answers with a chin movement toward Daisy.

The man frowns “You mean, when the crystal...”

“Excuse me, I would love to chit chat but what I want even more is to make it to New York before the night” Sam cuts, tired, angry and not wanting to deal with Bucky’s old pal.

“Really? That’s good, we have a jet to bring some of our team back, leaving in ten. We can bring you back too”

That’s nice of him to propose, Sam will give him that, especially since he is stuck there until the part of the team that followed Maximus is back and he doesn’t feel like driving at all right now.

“Besides, you should get examined. Because...well, just in case you...you know?”

“My wings protected me from the Terrigenesis” Sam explains slowly.

The blond Shield agent seems visibly perplexed “I don’t think that’s how it works”

“Good thing I was there to know it worked then” He answers with a smile that seems to startle the man facing him.

“Steve, please don’t pick up a fight right now” Daisy complains.

“Yeah, listen to her and don’t pick up a fight, Steve” Sam provokes suddenly way more focused. There was something about this guy...he couldn't pinpoint what exactly but there was something weird about him.

”I’m not. I’m just saying your wings...”

”Listen, dude, I know how my wings works, thank you very much. I’ll wait for my team”

Steve looked hurt for a moment before he let his eyes look at the ground instead of Sam, visibly calming himself.

”I am sorry for the way I reacted when I met you Sam. I assure you I am not trying to annoy you, I know you are important to Bucky so I genuinely want to have the opportunity to get to know you. Last time I have been caught quite off guard it’s all”

Maybe give this man a second chance at a first impression isn’t that bad, Sam wonders. From what Bucky told him, he let Steve believe that the person he was having a connection with was a ”she” and not a ”he” so Sam could understand the surprise. His wings are still plenty operational so if Steve is lying to him and tries to act a fool, he’ll teach him a lesson, it’s as simple as that.

With a nod, he agrees to move along the two Shield agents. Steve is nervous and Daisy looks tired. Luckily, the flight won’t be all that long. In fact, it’s so short, Steve barely speaks before they are approaching the Stark Tower.

”So, uh, Sam?”

”Mh?”

”I was thinking, maybe we could go drink sometimes, I mean with Bucky and Natasha. He told me you kind of were okay with her? She’s my friend too. She’s awesome. Not that you are not. Well, I wouldn't know” he laughs a bit nervously ”I mean Bucky tells great thing about you”

Sam has truly no idea what this man’s plan is. Behind all of this rambling, there’s an invitation, it’s all he understands.

Isn’t it crazy that he wants to say yes? Steve is virtually a stranger and he could easily never see him again if he wanted to, so why is this actually picking up his interest?

”Sure, why not”

Steve smiles and to that, Sam’s answer is to look away. It’s more a reflex than a conscious decision and he isn't sure why he even thinks about it. It is possible that the first time they met had projected a worse image of Steve Rogers than what would be considered accurate, Sam can recognize that. Not that he won’t keep his eyes open if this man shows his ass and expose himself as a racist and an homophobe.

* * *

On the chosen day, Sam wants to cancel, the drink comes after a long day at the end of an even longer week.

A roughly led mission, a fake scandal involving Rhodey and Tony, and Sam starts to lose his mind more and more with each passing days. He starts to imagine random birds talk, in English and sometimes he dreams himself looking at the worlds through them. More often than not, it happens when he experiences a strong emotion or feeling that day, then, he would dream about living as a bird. It’s confusing but since Monday, it happened three times already.

What makes the last dream stand out is that in that one, he saw Maximus talking to a woman and one giant dog. He has no idea what was said and wouldn’t be able to recognize the woman to save his life but that dog was way too massive to be anything real, he believes.

Sam doesn't remember what was said, just the general impression that she was trying to convince him of something. The building surrounding the scene had reminded Sam of Hollywood boulevard by night but other than that? Whoever he was supposed to be in that dream wasn't interested all that much in the two humans. There was just a sense of vague curiosity. This makes Sam frustrated even before opening his eyes. The Inhumans called them incompetent after they failed to bring Maximus and acted as if they knew nothing of the Terrigen crystals Hydra had that could be weaponized in many ways.

It's Sam first big leading mission and he failed, of course he is annoyed, he is expected to outsmart a genius and deal with the enhanced, prone to anger issues, dad of a Shield agent. Great.

Even as he walks to the bar, hidden in a gallery with multiple shops, bars and restaurants, he is managing his team to know the last updates. The last call made him late by twenty-minutes, when he arrives, there is a double-take at the saloon themed place. Well, at least it changes from the smoky and dark ambiance Bucky affectionate so much. He has trouble imagining Natasha purposely choosing a tacky place like this but maybe it’s the point? If not, this leaves Steve as the chooser and Sam’s opinion of him is already low.

”Ha, finally” Bucky welcomes with a large smile, his beer in one hand, the other casually across Natasha’s shoulder.

This means that Sam has to sit next to Steve. It’s moments like this that remind Sam that he really shouldn't expect anything from Bucky because he is the one that will look like a fool in the end.

”Sorry I’m late, got some things on my plate”

”Well, I hope you can give us a few hours to distract you then” Natasha chimes in, pushing the drink menu his way.

”Hi Sam”

Sam gives that Steve boy a small smile, grabbing the drink menu without being able to decide among the extensive list.

”May I suggest a drink for you?”

His eyes leave the plastic page in his hand to move to the man next to him. He wipes his initial annoyance from his face but to his defense, Icedude does seem weirdly pushy.

”Did you say something?” he asks since he genuinely isn’t sure he understood correctly.

Steve doesn't let that stop him ”A bet! We can make it a bet. I choose a drink for you, I’ll pay. If you don’t like it, uh...you can choose something as punishment, whatever”

”Why would you do that?” Natasha asks, amused at Steve making a fool of himself.

”Yeah, you’re weird man but what if you are right?” Sam plays.

”If I’m right...I can change your phone wallpaper to anything I want and you can’t change it back until we see each other again”

”Oh?” Sam says with sudden interest. It’s a harmless little bet and whatever it is that Rogers is trying to prove, so far Sam can’t complain.”Okay, Cap, choose wisely” he continues.

”The guy that offered me the ugliest Christmas sweater two years ago would have taste in a drink for a stranger? I need to see that”

Steve rolls his eyes at a cackling Natasha while Bucky starts to tell a story about Steve’s presents before the war.

It’s the first time Sam actually sees the two men interact together. He notices that since the day Steve came back in Bucky’s life, Sam only heard of him but Bucky never proposed to introduce them. It never bothered Sam until now because why would he hide Steve while having no problem with showing Natasha? Something doesn't add up and each possible solution gets him more bothered than the other one.

He forgot about the drink when it arrives, Steve flashes a bright smile to the waitress who almost runs away with a giggle. Sam takes a sniff and Natasha mocks him for being this suspicious. Well, he is in a place he doesn't know, that Steve chose, it’s a very real possibility that he tries to poison him. He gives a short look to Bucky who has a smile tugging at his lips as he looks back.

After a cautious sip, he let the amber liquid roll on his tongue and down his throat. He says nothing but gives up by downing the glass in two large gulp back to back which makes Bucky laugh.

”Seems like you got that one Rogers” Natasha comments in surprise.

Steve waits for Sam to say something with a surprisingly soft face. _Why is he looking at me like that?_ Sam wonders, eager to move on to something else.

”I’ll take another one” Sam says, putting his unlocked phone on the table between them to honor his part of the bet.

A happy Steve is a bit infectious, Sam notices. If he just relaxed and let himself be in the moment, he could probably find him entertaining and nice. It’s funny, usually, Sam is way more open about giving second chances so what can explain the feeling he has about Steve? Almost as if his body is on alert just because the other man is nearby.

The picture Sam has to see every time he’ll open his phone is one of Steve, Natasha, and Bucky that Steve takes soon after. It’s not that bad, Sam thinks, being good sports about it.

When Natasha and Steve go looking for the last round of drinks, Bucky changes place to sit next to Sam with a warm smile.

”What are you doing?”

”What? Can’t I sit next to you?” Bucky asks back with a sly smile getting even closer.

”Your girlfriend is coming back” Sam informs, loud enough that he is sure Natasha can hear as she approaches, her blond friend right behind.

”I’m not his girlfriend, Wilson”

”Ouch” Bucky feigns being hurt ”At least I still have my boyfriend”

”I’m not your boyfriend either, man”

Steve sits in front of Sam, pushing a blond beer to him and looking at the pair with less warmth that his face has had until this point. Bucky must be oblivious to it because he doubles down.

”So what, you are telling me is that I can’t have a kiss?”

”You can’t even get drunk but you still act like a mess” Sam comments, trying his best not to look at Bucky in the eyes.

He feels a hand on his tight and it does make him turn to him if only to tell him to behave. He is met with a pout and Barnes impression of puppy eyes.

”Give him his kiss before he becomes even more annoying” Natasha advises, taking a sip of Barnes drink even before touching hers.

So Sam does, he plants a peck on Bucky’s lips and stops the second he feels the man smile.

”Don’t act like you don’t like to kiss me, Wilson, I know ya”

Sam rolls his eyes and grabs his beer but not before catching Steve. There it is, this look, just for a second but Sam saw it already. For all the act Steve just put he almost convinced Sam he is a great guy but no, here it is. If Steve has a problem, Sam rather expose him here and now so he put the beer down and grabs Bucky’s face with one hand to kiss him filthy.

This backfires as Bucky’s hand starts to palm him without shame in front of his friends. What an exhibitionist.

”Guys, right in front of my beer?” Natasha complains playfully, clearly interested in seeing more.

Steve’s face his pink but he doesn't comment on the kiss, no need when he obviously looks away. Just as he is about to call him out on it, Steve turns to Bucky with a smile and excuses himself to the bathroom. Sam feels the impulse to follow him, confront him, as if what this man thought had any type of importance to him.

He waits ten seconds then excuses himself, using the beer as a pretext. Steve is passing water on his face and when he stops, Sam can see that something is wrong with him by the way he looks at himself in the mirror. It’s not anger Sam sees in these blue eyes, it’s sadness. For Steve to not notice Sam must mean that he is lost in his world. He feels guilty, it’s true, he assumed the worse of Steve and doesn’t even know why this guy can go under his skin by simply existing, it’s insane.

”Oh Sam?” he finally says, giving his face another water rinse between getting some paper to dry himself ”Did you need something?”

”Me?” Sam answers, startled by the question ”No, I’m good, just taking a leak before leaving”

Steve nods absent-mindedly before moving ”I’ll leave you to it then”

When he reaches Sam near the door, the other man blocks his way ”What’s going on with you?”

”Uh?”

”I saw how you looked at us”

Is that tears he sees in Steve’s eyes? It takes a bit longer for Steve to notice them but once he does, he bolts out of the bathroom with a ”Sorry”, managing to slid in-between Sam and the door.

It’s then that Sam rearranges all the pieces differently. It's the most obvious reasons and yet, it is the one he did not already thought about.

Steve is in love with Bucky.

It makes so much more sense now.

Steve's reaction at the hospital and just now with the kiss, here he has been, witnessing Bucky flirts with Natasha and Sam, trying his best to keep a smile on his face. Of course, he would react more strongly to Sam, they come from an even shittier time where Bucky and him would never have been an option. Now however? He could explore that side of him to his heart’s content. By the way, there’s something to be said about Sam letting Bucky use him as a way to explore his sexuality, but he keeps that in a corner of his head for another time.

There’s no way their ”friend” knows any of this, Sam thinks, otherwise he would never (intentionally) hurt Steve like that. At the same time, the situation was sort of similar when Bucky introduced Natasha to Sam at first, wasn’t it?

Sam gets out of the bathroom, feeling somewhat guilty because he totally misunderstood Steve. This weight heavy on his mind and when he catches the other man’s eyes, there’s something uneasy there. They both act as if nothing is weird but Steve knows Sam caught something. Bucky is back to flirt with Natasha and when they hint to spend the night together, both Sam and Steve decide that it’s time to leave.

The gallery and its brights light contrast with Sam’s mood. His relationship with Bucky is already complicated enough without having his other best friend added into the mix. Logically, there’s no reason for Sam to care about this guy’s feelings. He is not his friend and he shouldn’t have to coddle him just because he has an attraction to Bucky too. Yet he can still see clearly the pain on his face, hidden quickly but too close to the surface anyway.

_This is shit_ , he thinks, trying to find anything else to get his mind out of this memory, anything to not think about Steve Rogers and his misty eyes. This Indian restaurant and his red and gold theme, at least three other restaurant in the gallery have the same, maybe this couple laughing without a care in the world, the man looks at the woman fondly, or this peregrine falcon right above the pink neon sign of another bar.

Sam is coming to the end of the gallery, reaching the sidewalk and the street in the car’s direction but his eyes are following the falcon. His mind becomes a bit fuzzy and he imagines what this bird sees, he can picture so vividly the scene he sees himself through it’s eyes.

He sees himself.

“You can see what I see” a voice in his head says.

He snaps back to himself just in time to see the blinding light and hear several honks but not enough to totally prevent the car to crash into him, even if it hits the brakes with everything it has.

Sam body rolls on the ground but he feels nothing. He can see his body but he isn’t inside.

The falcon sees the scene, “It’s you” it says as a simple observation. People are gathering, calling 911 and Sam is just too shocked to react at first, until he realizes this isn’t a dream. His mind snaps back like a breaking elastic and the pain surprises him first even before his eyes can focus again. All he can do is lay there, the fear of dying second only to the shock of having seen all of this through a falcon’s eyes. The bird flies away, leaving Sam in the middle of the street.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Discussion about suicide

If there’s something Sam hates, it's waking up without knowing where he is or how he got there. Not that it happens often but, you know, the principle.

The _where_ is easy to solve, it’s the tower’s medical bay. He knows because he comes here often but usually not as a patient. It’s the _how_ and _why_ that's completely blank in his head. All he knows is that the man looking straight into his eyes is angry before any of them opens their mouth. Bucky has that murderous scowl on his face, sitting in a chair right next to Sam. It’s too late to pretend he isn’t awake anyway.

“I saw the video of your...accident” Bucky says in an even tone, barely moving. Sam notices that he is wearing the same clothes as the one he had in the bar. “ **Do you understand how lucky you are, Sam?** ”

Sam looks at himself, he has his left leg and arm in a cast, the pain isn’t unmanageable but now that he thinks about it, it does radiates on his right side too, the ribs probably.

“What happened?”

“You walked straight into traffic”

He doesn’t remember that. He remembers saying goodbye to Steve, being in his own head, then somewhere else and he remembers seeing his body on the ground like a rag-doll.

“Did you...” Bucky trails off before swallowing “Did you do that on purpose?”

Sam has to think, not because he believes he did but because he tries to imagine what led Bucky to this conclusion. He needs to find the right way to express his answer because he really can’t have Bucky believe something like that. He didn't try to end his life, and if he ever tried, it wouldn't be this way.

“No. It was an accident”

“That’s not the kind of accident that happens to you. Sammy, if there’s anything that is going on with you, you can tell me. Hell, you can tell anyone you see fit but please...”

”Bucky, ” Sam cuts ”I just got distracted”

”You got distracted an awful lot lately thought” Bucky accuses, his hands in his lap and definitely judging Sam.

”What are you talking about?”

”Everyone noticed, you know? When you space out”

Sam's first reflex is to dismiss it, joking that this must be because everyone is bored with a smile that doesn’t hold up when Bucky scouts his chair closer to the bed.

”What really happened with Maximus?”

_What?_ He says to himself, not understanding where Bucky is going on at first. It takes a short moment of silence before he makes the link.

”Nothing! I told you, my wings...”

”You know this isn't true Sam. And I checked all the approved updates of your suit and wings since you joined the Avengers...”

”You did **what?!** ”

”...None of them would prevent a Terrigen crystal release, certainly not at close range. None”

They hold each other gaze for a moment and Sam is the one who looks away first, his throat too tight to speak. At first, he truly believed that the avoided it, that whatever the crystal did didn’t affect him. It didn't affect Daisy’s father either and he isn't an Inhuman after all, is he? Plus, shouldn't he **know** that he had been in that cocoon thing? He just closed his wings and released them right after, that’s what happened.

He deflates, avoiding Bucky’s eyes while he tries to keep his calm and block the memories of these times he heard voices and saw things from a perspective he couldn't exactly recognize most of the time.

”You deliberately avoided any test that would involve a blood sample after that”

”That’s enough, Barnes,” Sam says with authority, his patience is running thin ”Christ, I get it okay?”

The man from another time just looks at him with an expression on the verge of exasperation. Listening to him makes Sam's irritation rise, how many times was he the one on the chair, telling Bucky to stop putting himself in inconsiderate danger? Now he avoids the grey eyes just like he did the tests, he knows it and Barnes knows it too. That’s why he comes closer and when his face is right next to Sam, the unfortunate patient moves so their lips slots perfectly, an automatic response he isn’t really proud his body has. He is mad, he really is, and Barnes is too, so why this stupid kiss that made them want to deescalate.

It’s not the first time they kiss like that, short with a little bump of their forehead. ”I care” it says, at least, that’s how Sam interprets it. ”I care about you, about us” that’s what he reads in Bucky’s eyes each time he does that.

A kiss can be just that, a kiss, it can also be a little push in a direction. Once Bucky leaves and Dr. Cho's assistant comes in Sam lets her run some tests and check-ups that only end half an hour later. Sam has no idea if what she notes is good or not, she exits the room and a few minutes later, Helen herself is coming in, tablet first and manila file under the other arm.

”Hello Sam” she says, barely letting him the time to answer before she put the file on his lap with a raised eyebrow.

He opens it with apprehension but isn’t sure what to make of it. There's two scans of the same broken leg only one must have been taken not long after the accident happened and the second must have been taken one to two weeks later.

”Why are you showing me this?”

”Well. They’re yours. Last night at eleven and this morning at ten and a half”

The silence is a little awkward, if only in that way when someone heavily implies that you are hiding something from them you really should have told them earlier. At least he doesn’t have to bring the topic himself.

”Based on your file, you never showed any kind of enhanced healing before. You were injured on a mission last February and went on two other ones since then. On the last mission, the report mentions an explosion yet you never came here for any kind of treatment” she reads, having no problem explaining to Sam that she now knows what happened. The Terrigen incident must be in the file too since he put it in the report himself.

”I thought it missed me at first” he explains, even at his own ears it sounds like an excuse ”I thought the wings protected me. I really didn’t notice that I went through anything”

She notes a few things ”We will run the standard process in that case. After that you will be released because in a day or two you should be totally fine, if you heal constantly” she points at his leg ”Do you already know what you can do? Your healing rate is above a regular human”

”I’m not sure”

”Well. First let's get you off the cast, then you can decide for yourself how to approach this”

He closes his eyes for a second before setting his mind on what he needs to do. A part of him is panicking but he needs to get a hold on it.

_Focus, Sam. Focus._

* * *

Telling the team that he is an Inhuman goes exactly how Sam predicted. Tony jokes, as if he couldn't have died right here and there or transformed into something that may have changed his appearance forever. He isn't surprised because the only persons Tony acts with consideration are Rhodey and even then, it’s not always a guarantee, and Pepper.

Speaking about their leader, he is disappointed in Sam. Rhodey has been his mentor ten years ago and a friend since even before working together. Sam gets the “You put yourself at risk and your team too” pamphlet to which Bucky agrees with, obviously.

Peter congratulates him but then change his mind halfway there and tries to backtrack “...I don’t mean that you weren’t perfect before, just that, wait, this sounds weird”.

Before he can dig himself further and Sam starts to question what exactly is going on in this kid’s brain, he is surrounded by the twins, looking at him with fondness and acceptance he has no idea he needed.

“We’re going to help you” Pietro says in an uncharacteristic serious tone “You got us”

“He is right” Wanda approves “I know you probably want to do this alone but you don’t have to”

It’s true, he doesn’t have to and he won’t, it's a promise he makes to himself. Training and learning with Wanda and Pietro is a good starting point and with their abilities he will feel safer if anything goes wrong. Sam accepts their proposition before Rhodey or Tony can suggest anything else.

“Fine by me,” Rhodey concedes “You’re dismissed until further notices. Wilson, I do not want you anywhere near troubles so no mission and no extra vigilantism, am I clear?”

“Yes Sir” Sam answers sternly, already walking out of the common area on the twentieth floor with his crutch. He usually loves the view from here but today the actual thought that he really could have died prevents him from enjoying it.

It hit different than risking your life on a mission where you know what happens and your choices are yours. During a mission, Sam accepts the risks, but he also has no intention to actually die even if he is ready to put his life on the line. He just never had to look at his body being hit by a car and then lay there.

He saw people die in ways that would give others nightmares and yet, being hit by car, something quite mundane in a regular everyday life, is how he could have gone. How unsettling.

* * *

Sam has _carte blanche_ as to how he deals with it for the next two weeks, after that, he’ll have an evaluation and depending of the results he’ll either keep doing whatever he does until Rhodey accepts to have him back in the field or he’ll have to let Tony get involved. He really doesn’t want to be Tony’s lab rat, especially since he still remembers him being all modern Frankenstein not so long ago.

The twins are more than a little excited to help. They just come to Sam place in the Tower an hour after the meeting and Sam is sure he never saw Pietro smile so much since he knows him.

“My abilities were very obvious from the start, it was a bit more experimental for you Wanda, I remember”

“And to this day I find new way to use what I can do. Lucky for me the telekinesis kicked in early because Hydra are a lot of things but patient they are not” she explains, her long auburn hair in a messy ponytail. She stretch as if she is about to do some sport in Sam’s living room.

“So, what do you know for now?” Pietro asks.

Sam explains that so far, he only had his mind going somewhere else, almost as if he could see through someone’s else eyes. It isn’t much in his opinion but it’s enough for Wanda to nod and say that it’s more likely that his powers are psychic in nature rather than physics.

“We won’t leave before we know what you can do, Wilson” Pietro promises, or maybe it's a threat, who knows.

_Well, they won’t have to stay for long_ , Sam tells himself as his mind comes back to his body again half an hour later.

New York is full of birds, so when they try a little meditation and his mind jumps, one time, two times and then one last time for confirmation, it’s really easy to understand what exactly is going on. Wanda's method worked like a charm and luckily, he doesn't have to do much to be in the right state of mind for his abilities to express themselves. He has no control over which specific bird or how long it last but it's a start.

“You can see through birds eyes?!” Pietro laughs.

Sam wants to feel offended but he does find it funny, plus he is so relieved that he laughs too. It feels good, so good, he isn’t a tickling bomb, he won’t kill someone on accident. All he has to do is not involuntarily jump into a bird at a bad moment. 

Ah yeah, there’s something else, he can communicate with them.

It takes another day for him to notice and it's all thanks to Pietro, who brings a dove inside so Sam can practice. Maybe it's also because of Wanda who "helps" him relax.

“”

“Why the hell would I do that, Pietro?!”

“Do...what?” He asks back in confusion.

“Eat you!”

The twins look at each other then at their phone “We ate an hour ago dude, what are you even talking about?”

“You said...”

“”

Sam’s head snaps to the white bird “”

“Tell me you can hear that” he implores the other two (In)humans in the room.

“Yeah, it seems agitated” Pietro says casually “Shh, shhhh”

“!”

“Pietro, let the dove go please” Sam says, looking at the bird fly away in the room for a moment but unable to find any exit decides to sit on top of Sam’s head.

“”

Sam huffs before walking to the large glass door leading to the balcony where the dove flies away.

He then turns to his teammates ”Wanda, what exactly did you do?”

”Me?! I just helped you open your mind, why? You are weird all on your own”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, these weeks are going to be really, really long.

* * *

The only people knowing what Sam can do are Pietro, Wanda, and Sam, it’s not by lack of trying from the other members thought.

Wanda used her powers to isolated the three of them each time they would train together, Jarvis did not want to reveal anything to Tony despite him threatening to rebuild him entirely and Pietro just wanted to taunt everyone else that he was in the know and not them, especially Bucky.

Ah, Bucky, he does try to sneak his way inside Sam’s apartment a few times but Jarvis is even more relentless than him and warn Sam way before Bucky could be anywhere near his door or windows. He gets messages and phone calls that he answers in the vaguest fashion, knowing that it annoy his friends when he does that.

“I miss you” the latest message says, Sam has not responded to it yet.

It’s not that he doesn’t feel the same, it’s that, contrary to Bucky, he doesn’t navigate well this fine line between friendship, lover and casual (really good) sex. How can he keep his heart to himself when Bucky already has so much of it? If he wants to stay in control, he has to put some barriers of his own, he thinks, and sometimes it means not getting too sentimental in texts.

Once he reaches the deadline, he doesn’t feel exactly secure in his abilities yet.

He can project his mind into all kinds of birds on purpose now but his body enters this weird autopilot mode and its not clear if someone or something else pilots it or if a part of Sam is still there. It makes Sam vulnerable, something Rhodey immediately notes even before Sam finishes his explanation. He doesn't have to see said bird, he can feel them if he focus correctly.

Then, he can communicate with birds. More exactly, he can hear them in his mind but has trouble got them to understand him, maybe it’s because they don’t use words. It’s closer to pictures and emotions. Also, most of them only think about eating and New York pigeons are the worst.

He has to work on it but it’s still a cool as fuck power.

He can’t fly and that, he won’t admit it but it kinda of hurts. Tony jokes about it of course, despite Rhodey’s reprimands.

Something he doesn’t talk about, something he didn’t say to the twins either, is that he can commands birds. He learnt about that one after a frustrating cession with a dove left him screaming, trying desperately to make himself understand. He knew the dove wondered what he wanted and after repeating a dozen of times “bring me back a branch” he felt that really painful headache before his voice changed to something deeper “Bring me back a branch”

Three minutes later, the dove itself hadn’t moved but when he came back in his bedroom, he found a whole pile of branches covering his bed.

He knew.

This isn’t something he likes, it feels wrong and somewhat immoral.

What he reveals to them is enough to have Bucky look at him curiously and say that he may have more eyes around the world than Tony. Rhodey, Tony and Bucky talks about him as if he is now the greatest spy ever and having Wanda and Pietro confirm that his powers haven’t reach their maturity yet is not something he takes any sort of pride in. He can see it in Rhodey and Tony’s eyes especially, how they see him as a weapon too now.

What he hates more than this, is how he gives them reason by being able to locate and arrest Maximus two days later all by himself. Well, not exactly since he uses his new unlikely allies.

It’s almost by accident that he realizes that he actually can find someone, one time, he had lost his sunglasses somewhere in the nearby parc and accidentally asked the birds to help him find them, which they do. He stays on his bench, turning the glasses in his hand while he wonders ”what if?”. It’s silly, he never tried something like this before but it costs him nothing to give it a go. Trying to communicate with them without speaking is harder but Wanda assured him that his abilities are ultimately psychic in nature so, yeah, easier carried by voice but doable by focusing enough.

All sort of people are passing by, not giving attention to the bird whisperer who starts to break a sweat focusing so much. Maximus picture on his phone, he instructs ”Find” to any hawk, howl, pigeon, goose and sparrow he can reach.

Not knowing if they would carry the command if he cuts the link, he keeps on going, feeling his mind tugging in every direction.

He feels dizzy, barely noticing the sun coming down, he really should have brought a bottle of water or something. ”Stop it” he can hear Bucky’s voice warn in his head but he tries to ignore it, if he continues just a little more maybe... His minds snap, probably too exhausted to continue but the frustration is stronger than this and he doesn't want to give up now so he extends his command once again, feeling his connection to every previous bird resume in full force.

_Maximus. Boat. Where? They don’t know the name, south, two to three hours by flying._

He jumps out of the bench only to fall. Damn his legs and their present lack of blood.

Even when he manages to get on his feet, he can't walk straight and his vision...It doesn't matter, he HAS to get his suit and keep an eye on him. Jumping from his eyes to the birds that have found him continuously is exhausting and by the time he reaches the tower’s elevator, he basically falls into it. He has less than a minute to catch his breath but he still doesn't stop.

”Meet me outside in fifteen if you can” he sends Pietro and Wanda through the emergency notification.

With no time to think this through, he doesn't even put his full suit on, just the wings, gets the two guns and Redwings and he is out of his place right on time to see the message from Wanda, she is with Vision and they are coming together in eight minutes. Pietro just sends a thumbs-up emoji.

If he keeps the link open, he won’t make it so he project his mind through one of the Osprey helping him and flies him around to find out more of the city they are in. There’s an aquarium nearby, At... what does this read? Atlan... Atlantic City Aquarium. Bingo.

He wobbles on his legs for a few steps but try to appear perfectly fine in front of the trio even if he is obviously not and Vision notices.

“Hello Sam. You seem...not well”

“Hi, I got Maximus, he is in Atlantic City, we need to go now” he presses but when Vision insists that something isn’t right, Wanda starts to get on his case too and he really need them just to help him.

“Listen, I am going with or without you”

“You know I can force you to sleep, right?” She asks with a threatening red at the top of her fingers.

“C’mon Wanda” He says, not wanting to loose this chance “We got him, I’ll sleep later, promise!”

“Dude, you really think you are going to fly to Atlantic City like this?” Pietro snorts “You have been wiping your face three times already and the night is not that hot”

“I can do it”

“We should call the others” Wanda proposes and of course Sam wants to prove that he can do it so he agrees to a compromise by warning Rhodey, see if one or two agents are closer so they keep an eye on Maximus while they get on their way so Sam doesn’t have to rely on his abilities.

The thing is, the flight is short, but not short enough to prevent Sam from passing out so when he wakes up, he is in his bed with not only Wanda but Rhodey and Bucky there as well and he feels judged as hell. Last thing he remembers is telling himself that he can close his eyes just for five minutes and it would be okay.

“That was a special kind of stupid Wilson” Rhodey starts “You are supposed to be smarter than this”

“We got him?”

Bucky takes a step so he can sit on the side of the bed then put a hand on his shoulder. It feels like a threat and surely the look that he is giving Sam is not full of pleasant surprise.

“If you can’t follow a basic order like sit your ass at home without putting yourself in danger, I have to punish you Sam” Rhodey continues “No more wings, no missions and no access to any files”

“Did we catch him or not?” Sam presses again with a challenge in his eyes.

“Yes we did” Wanda answers under the disapproving look of both Rhodey and Bucky. “But they are right, you must have been using your powers for way too long to get yourself like this”

There’s no point in trying to justify why he did it and he barely feels any regrets so he doesn’t pretend not to be proud of himself.

Rhodey’s face gets colder “I trust you'll listen this time, Soldier. You are grounded” Rhodey says, making a show of taking Sam’s suit and wings and leave, Wanda right behind with a compassionate smile in his direction.

The shaky breath of relief he lets out once they are gone is short-lived, Bucky is still here and obviously he has something to say.

“When I first came here, you said that if I ever needed help, I could come to you. And I did. You did too, but lately it has been different” Even if Sam doesn’t know where Bucky is going, he does not like it and wants to deny, to which Bucky continues. “I thought we were getting closer when we started to fuck but all it does is make us frustrated with each other and with ourselves. I expected you to come to me, after the last time with Maximus and today too, but you didn’t”

“Come on Bucky, I made some mistakes...”

“ **No** ” he says with certainty “You don’t do mistakes like that Sam, you think a lot, too much sometimes. You didn’t want to reach out and I can’t be front seat to see you act a fool”

The weight of the words hit Sam slowly and when it does he immediately tries to reach for Bucky’s closest hand without success.

“Buck, please”

“Do whatever you want, but I don’t want it to be my new normal. I’m stopping this”

Sam blinks “Wait...”

“It’s better for both of us, we were going into a wall anyway” With that, he gets up, closes his hands into fists and leaves.


	10. Chapter 10

* _Two months later_ *

A lot of birds knows or have heard of Sam Wilson. They call him Sam or Falcon even if they don’t really have the concept of name among themselves the way humans do. At least, that’s how he hears it in his mind since they don’t ”talk” per say.

Some of them are careful, some are scared of the man that can command them, some are really bold, perch themselves on him as if they were on top of the world. It makes his runs a little less solitary even if sometimes he just needs to empty his mind from everything and everyone, including the birds.

He can tune in or out when it comes to hearing their thoughts, have better control of his abilities, except for what his body does when he projects his mind into one of them.

It’s good to feel right in your shoes when your actions follows what you preach and you don’t end up hurting people close to you.

You can’t hurt them if they already left after all.

It’s good to see a therapist too. The world has become such a weird place that you have specialists for people with abilities now. Inhumans sure need them, but they are not the only ones. He passes nearby Dr. Fontes cabinet on his little tour, almost misses the familiar figure sitting on a bench. She is in casual attire but nothing about these gauntlets screams casual at all.

”Hey, Daisy, right?”

She seems startled ”Agent Wilson, I mean Sam, how are you?”

They engage in small talks, catching up on what happened to them since the last time they saw each other which was when they both changed. Well, not changed, you don’t become an Inhuman, you are one from the start, that's what Sam has been told.

Daisy is going through a rough time. She lost a mentor, a friend and someone she has very complicated feelings toward in the blink of an eye. She has trouble controlling her powers so someone in Shield made the gauntlets so she doesn’t hurt herself when she uses them.

He relates to that, telling her how he became aware of his abilities and almost died in the process or how when he is tired, he can be overwhelmed by the voices. She seems quite pensive after the story, asking when the whole accident thing happen.

”Weird, I would have thought Natasha or Steve would have mentioned it”

”Oh, they probably don’t know” Sam explains ”Steve was going the opposite way when we separated and Natasha was busy with Barnes at the time”

”I’m glad you’re okay,” she says with sincerity, placing her hand on his shoulder.

The feeling is mutual.

He decides to ask for her contacts, proposing her to join Wanda, Pietro and him on a movie night soon which seems to genuinely please her.

It’s nice to form new relationship and she gets along well with the other two. She already knows Wanda since she is sometimes at Shield to see Vision. On this topic, Sam still doesn’t understand why he stays with them rather than at the Tower with the Avenger but he figures it’s not really any of his business so he keeps that question to himself.

* * *

The second time they all see each other, Pietro suggests that they go to a club together. If Wanda isn't feeling it at first, Daisy and her brother manage to find the words to hype her up, especially when Daisy suggests that she may invite one or two people, including Vision.

”Viz? In a dance club?” Wanda repeats for confirmation, quite dubious at the idea.

”If I can convince him, are you coming?”

”Sure, why not” Wanda answers, clearly thinking that there’s just no way this would ever happen.

Daisy seems pleased with herself for a minute then look a at Sam and her face start to smile even more like something weird just went through her mind.

* * *

Clubs are not Sam’s favorites places, he prefers smooth dancey bars where you can easily talk and everyone seems full of secrets because of the atmosphere. He adapts thought, and to witness Vision there with his thin grey turtleneck, visibly hesitating to ask Wanda for a dance is priceless.

“Come on man, she is waiting” Sam advice while both Wanda and Daisy are away, leaving Vision and him alone. They talked a grand total of two times before this day and never on a one on one like this. He hopes he isn't trespassing some boundaries by telling him this. 

Because he loves Wanda, Sam tries to connect with the “man” who is practically her boyfriend. It’s easy to see the parts of his personality coming from Jarvis but Sam doesn't recognize any Tony in here too, if anything, he seems to have his own sense of self. A self currently extra nervous.

“I will, I just need to get my brain signals to work well enough to properly ask. It’s like I have a bug each time I think about it next to her”

Sam gives him a smile “Won’t it be worth it to have her dancing in your arms?”

There it is, this dreamy shy smile, so human you would never believed Vision isn’t one exactly.

For a minute, Sam observes the bodies moving downstairs. The VIP floor is significantly less packed, with only their group here. Pietro disappeared the second they came inside, a friend of Daisy, Mack, following soon.

Mack is straight and in love with his girlfriend but after some complicated times, he needs a night far from work and relationship drama. On that, Sam can relate. When Wanda comes back first, Vision almost jump from his seat. Her drink is barely on the small black table that he grabs her hand to direct them on the dance-floor. By the giggle she let out, she is quite happy about this development.

Daisy appears a few seconds later, Steve right behind her.

”Hey, I invited him, hope you don’t mind the company?” she says, already turning back ”Gotta find Pietro, see you later guys”

Just like that, Sam and Steve are alone in the VIP space. He looks... He looks good. His simple white shirt and blue jean work for him, Sam thinks. Actually, he tries not to think much about Steve because of his link with Bucky. Why even does he notices his appearance instead of wondering why he, of all people, is here? He doesn't know.

“Hi Sam”

It’s just a welcome and yet there’s an intensity in the way Steve looks at Sam that put him on the defensive right away.

”Listen, I don’t want any beef with you, so I’ll just...”

”What are you talking about?” he interrupts with genuine surprise.

”I’m talking about Bucky. I don’t know what he told you but it’s over so you can...do your thing”

Sam is about to leave but a hand catches his arm to guide him back in front of Steve who looks even more lost than before.

”Could you explain clearly what you are referring to, please? I genuinely don’t understand, I promise it’s not to mess up with you”

Sam sighs, ”I know you love Bucky”

”Yeah, because he is my best friend”

”No, because you are in love with him”

Steve’s laugh is open, shaking his torso entirely and a little bit mesmerizing.

”Where did you get that idea from?! I am not in love with this idiot” he explains with fondness and some level or perplexed intrigue ”I swear”

At this moment, Sam fights hard not to lay everything point by point but maybe Steve hadn’t realized he is in love yet. Messy.

”I really think you got something wrong there. I wanna dance, come with me?”

”You dance?” Sam asks, quite suspicious at both Steve's remarks and his proposal. The smile on the blond’s face is confident and inviting as if he genuinely wants to see Sam come with him.

He shrugs but there’s a cockiness to him that makes Sam actually considers entertaining the idea. Also, Steve has a great smile, a really nice tool to convince people to do what you want, used correctly. Sam knows enough to see it for what it is and still walk behind him until they are surrounded by other bodies. Wanda and Vision aren't that far and they are slow dancing on the upbeat tempo like there's no one else in the room. Vision may be a little stiff and almost floats above the ground, he sure looks focused on his girlfriend.

The song changes as they arrive and Steve seems a bit less confident suddenly.

”Relax Steve, I thought you got some moves?”

The blond shakes himself, taking a deep breath ”Sorry, ” once again Sam has no idea what to make from the way this man looks at him, it just doesn't make sense with what he knows about him ”how was it again?” he mutters to himself, starting poorly to move his legs in the rhythm.

It surprises Sam so much he immediately touches Steve's arm one time to get his attention before showing him what he should actually do. It’s not judgmental, all he wants is to help this man relax and enjoy his night.

”Yeah, you got it” he encourages when Steve correctly mimics him then starts to own it.

Remember that thing about Steve’s smile earlier? It has nothing on his smile when he is genuinely excited. It tugs at something in Sam that he can’t identify. It's deep, reaching an unbalanced place in him he isn't exactly aware of.

“Fast learner, I see”

This makes Steve go rigid, all trace of carefree joy evaporated from his body. His eyes on Sam fills with sadness he tries to battle away, Sam sees, and when he can’t keep whatever he is feeling bottled, he excuses himself and walks away in direction of the VIP zone.

It nabs at Sam for the rest of the night, Steve is avoiding him and he doesn’t understand why. He is the one who proposed to dance and seemed fine until he wasn’t. Since it’s very obvious that he has no problem with anyone else and only gets agitated when Sam is near, there’s only two things he should do, either he leaves this guy alone or he confronts him about it. There’s no reason he has to deal with this he tells himself, Steve’s true face is showing. From day one there was a bad vibe about him, even when Bucky tried to tell him that, no, Steve wasn’t a racist and, or an homophobe, something Bucky himself didn’t seemed to fully believe.

And okay, maybe he isn’t, but if not, it’s definitely the “I’m in love with my best friend” angle and he wants no part in it either.

In conclusion, **Fuck Steve Rogers**.

It will soon be four in the morning and Sam call it a night. Pietro may be disappointed but Wanda and Vision clearly had enough already and jump on the occasion too. Daisy and Mack chose to stay a bit more and Steve is nowhere in sight anyway. Wanda proposes to find him to let him know they are leaving so Sam says goodbye to the group and slowly dance/walk his way through the crowd.

The fresh night of early May is welcome, his skin feels hot in a pleasant way and he pauses a second to enjoy the cooling feeling. He is about to call an Uber when Wanda, Vision and Steve all gets out. Once again, the couple manages to make such a quick exit, it leaves the other two men together in a awkward silence.

Sam goes back to his phone.

“I’m sorry about earlier”

Sam pretends he hasn’t heard.

I just had a vivid memory and...”

“Dude, shut up and just leave me alone” Sam snaps, crossing the road to continue to walk, feeling his nerves get the best of him. Steve gets under his skin way too easily, this isn’t normal.

“Sam!”

With an incredulous face he turns to face Steve again. _What the fuck?_

“Sorry! Please, I’m sorry. Let me just...I need to talk to you, I wanted for a long time but I’m so scared and I can’t find the right way, it’s getting worse...”

“Dude, breathe. I told you, I don’t care, you can go confess to Bucky or whatever”

“I traveled though time” Steve says at the same time.

“Excuse me, What?”

“Confess?!”

They look at each other for a second and Sam never heard a worse excuse in his life. Traveled through time? _Is he for real?_

”Sam, I told you...”

”Rogers” he cuts ”whatever shenanigans you planned, just let me out of it”

Sam turns on his heels and quickly reaches the corner, before almost starting to run. Something isn't right.

* * *

A week later, Sam is pissed. Everything from his last conversation with Rhodey, Bucky, Steve and his condition as an Inhuman is running through his mind. Nothing that he tries keeps his anger at bay and there’s growing tension between the Avengers and Shield since they wants to put Tony on trial because of the super virus he released when he created Vision, also that Infinity stone? He stole it.

How does Sam knows? A little bird told him of course, then he called Pietro and this boy has a real big mouth if you coax him properly.

“Tony said he doesn’t want Wanda to see Vision anymore if he doesn’t join the Avengers. She is mad, like big mad. It’s really funny that he thinks he can control her in any way shape or form, she thinks we should leave. Also, Bucky stays there most of the time but I know he sees his girlfriend at least two times this week”

Pietro takes in Sam closed face and silence “You two still don’t talk I see” he comments “He misses you”

“Dude, I love you but don’t go there, please”

The younger man shakes in head with exasperation before he runs away in a whoosh as usual.

_How many times do I have to tell myself I don’t care to start believing it?_ Sam wonders.

If Wanda and Pietro both leaves and Tony is indeed responsible for this virus, it will leave Rhodey, Bucky and Peter in the team. Add to that the growing cooperation between Shield and Wakanda and the Avengers are getting closer to irrelevancy with each passing day.

What they do is important, he is sure of it and degrading relationships are not a reason not to do your best to help people. However, this team isn’t the only way to do it, hell, this “SuperCop” or “Superhero” life isn’t the only way to help the world. The thing is, what they deal with, police can’t handle these kind of things and between the Accords and the tentatives to creates more specialized tasks forces, Sam has the conviction that he can’t trust the government either (but it's nothing new, really).

The Hydra scandal a few years ago? Who is naive enough to believe that they got rid of every politicians linked to them? New ones with the same faces have risen then and that was it. This is why there’s more vigilantism than ever these days, people do not trust the ones in power and Sam isn’t sure how long this will continue like this.

While Sam reflects on his situation, he gets a message warning him of a meeting in half an hour.

Rhodey looks tired, eyes darker than usually. It’s been a while since Sam saw him from this close, one thing is apparent, this man needs some times off. Bucky is next to Peter, opposing Wanda and Pietro from the other side of the table. Sam sits next to Pietro who silently greets him by taping his arm two times.

“Hello everyone and thank you for being here on such short notice” Rhodey starts, “I want to address the elephant in the room and talk about Tony...”

So yeah, Tony will face trial. His involvement in the creation of a super virus seems to only get put under the rug thanks to his privileges and connections however stealing a intergalactic weapon from Shield was not a smart move and that's what gets him truly in troubles.

If it’s not the first time Sam hears of the Infinity Stones, it’s the first time he has extensive information on Thanos, the alien looking for them.

“Our source told us that Thanos’ plan is to get the stones together and proceed to a massive genocide through the whole galaxy. Under no circumstances must he have them”

“Excuse me,” Sam intervenes “Who is “our source” exactly?”

“Shield”

Sam wants to asks who at Shield would know this but he remembers suddenly that they do have an Asgardian prince working with them from time to time. Concerning the stones, This is the kind of weapons no one should have their hands on. Well, technically, they may not be weapons at all but that's how they are used anyway.

“So...what does this mean for Vision?”

It’s not to stir shit but they have a walking Infinity Stone so if this Thanos looks for them, he’ll end up on Earth.

Rhodey bits his lips “Shield is taking care of this too”. The “And I don’t like it” is silent but there. Unfortunately because of Tony, everyone knows that they can’t be trusted with it either. Sam will have to ask Wanda about it later.

“Anyway,” Rhodey continues “Sam, you are on duty again, there’s a mission I need you to take care off”

”Thanks Dad” almost rolls out of his mouth, after being benched for weeks. Rhodey waits for a reaction and all he gets is a bland ”okay” from Sam. If the Leader recognizes a bruised ego when he sees one, he also has no doubt the man who once has been his protege will rise to the occasion.

Sam checks a message on his phone when the meeting ends, when he lifts his eyes, Bucky’s are on him from the door.

”Good luck”

It’s another long second before Sam actually answers ”Thank you” with a carefully neutral tone. Add to that five seconds of silent staring and Bucky leaves then, making Sam awfully aware of the pieces of his heart he gave this man and the emptiness they left. It tastes like regrets but he’s going to be okay, there’s no point to keep pushing a dead end anyway.

* * *

Sam doesn’t have a lot of exes. In fact, he can count them of the fingers of one hand. The first one, Misty Knight, was in the same high school as him and her family was going to his father’s church regularly. There’s been Riley, the guy that made him believe he would be okay dating another man, even in the military, killed in mission. Then, there has been Erik, cockier than Bucky and the type of fuckboy you knew you shouldn’t have any kind of attachment to but you start to believe you can somehow “fix” them and maybe they can “fix you” too. Then, maybe somehow, he should put Bucky in there too even if they haven’t really dated.

Seeing Erik again at this ski resort has been surprising to say the least. This man is apparently loaded right now. When they met, they were both without much money in their bank account, he always had the type of drive and ambition to get where he wanted. Sam could have seen him being politically involved and made a career of it or something. At least, if he managed to get out of his hotep rhetoric. They had a lot of common but their Black Experience was different enough to put a clear divide between them. Erik was very pro Black and had a way with words that could easily convince and charm and at the time, it spoke to Sam's aspirations. They shared most of their analyze about the situation of black people in America but couldn't be more different on how to move forward.

Sam thought he could give Erik a little more hope in people and put a few more steps in there before going full racial war and Erik thought he help Sam "see". It didn't work between them for they didn't part ways mad at each other, just a bit disappointed. Not disappointed enough for not acknowledging each other at one of the bars of the resorts, or for Erik to propose to invite Sam to his suit and clearly not enough to spend the night together, carefully avoiding to talk about anything personal that may ruin the moment. Sam left early in the morning, body pleasantly sore in all the right ways.

This bring us to now, Sam coming close to his mission goal after only two days here. This is when Sam is even more surprised to see Erik, in the hidden garden under the fake frozen lake. The same Erik beating up someone shirtless chained to the wall on the far back of the garden under the eyes of four heavily armed guards.

The room is washed in the purple of the glowing flowers there, taken care of by masked people as if to not breathe too much of it. On the right there is a large table with an installation processing the flowers to make a fine powder that they encapsulates with something else he can't identify.

It’s then that Sam recognizes the beaten face, bleeding and probably drugged, judging by the IV in his restrained arm but not with whatever this flower produce.

Steve Rogers. Just his luck.

It stuns Sam to see Erik being linked to his mission. He doesn't know what is more annoying, that he just had sex with a criminal or to see Shield, and especially Steve, there. Now, he will have to rescue this idiot as well and the only reason he made it that far in the maze under the "lake" is because he was alone.

There’s another exit, he knows, but if it will lead them outside for sure, it will also make them especially vulnerable to get shot, as well as allow Erik and his men to easily look for them, unless the tempest outside stays strong. Redwing doesn’t have the firepower to take care of everyone and he’ll still have to get his hands on both a flower and one capsule of drug too.

Less than one minute and he formulates a plan. He takes a deep breath and sends Redwing in the middle of the room to launch a flash grenade. There’s surprised gasps, screams and gunshot. The droid takes care of the flower before starting to spray gasoline around. Sam flies forward, using his wings to knock out two men and his legs to kick a very surprised Erik who goes rolling against a wall. He grabs three capsules and run toward Steve but realizes that he can’t free him himself so he has to change place with his bot.

Redwing uses his laser against the restraints while Sam covers him. Then when Steve falls on the ground, he shots where his bot put gasoline earlier, bringing fire to this hangar. Erik jumps on him and recognizes him, letting an apparently genuinely hurt scream before Sam punches him three times and, before he can hit back, smack his head with his wing.

He grabs Steve, tries not to be too rude when he disconnect the IV and flies away fast. His speed is restricted and even then, his body collided with more walls than he would like to. Something touches his wing and sends them plummeting against a wall, they are so close. His right wing won’t hold much more, he gets faster, Steve’s body still limp in his arms. His last card is the tears gas he still has to he throws his behind him and sees the exists but just when he is going to get through the door, something grabs his feet and this something is someone, Erik, eyes glowing in an unattractive orange tint.

“Ho Hell no” he commands Redwing to hit him in the head again but with one hand, Erik grabs him and smack him against the wall in a cracking noise. Sam is pissed and kicks his head one time, not to much results, but when Steve does it, Erik is surprised enough to let go which has the unexpected effect to send Sam and Steve straight through the door and into a intense snow storm.

Without his drone, Sam just flies partially blind so he reaches for every birds he can, half of them to guide him to safety and the other ones to slow whoever follows them. His right wing is fucked up so he can’t fly straight and his arms starts to hurt and Steve’s moment of lucidity is already over so now he needs to get them both to a shelter. He hears a very loud explosion and everything goes quiet for a moment before something starts and sounds almost as if the mountain itself was growling.

An avalanche, just what they needed.

Guided by his link to the birds, they reach an old cabin with no lights on. “Empty” the birds tells him. On his second try, the doors open and he let Steve fall on the ground unceremoniously, rushing to lock the door and block it as well as he can while allowing them to escape if needed.

The birds are flying away fast and soon, there’s nothing more to do than wait the inevitable. This place is barely more than a wood cabin so even with the few trees on the way, it won’t be enough to prevent it to get hit if it’s on this catastrophe’s trajectory. Eyes fleeting toward Steve, Sam wonders if this is how he is going to die, burried with Steve Rogers. What will Bucky thinks? 

He takes his wings out, the damages on his right one is not something he could fix here even without the threat looming above their head. As he waits for death, he grabs Steve so he can sit with his back against the wall and make him lay on his side, head on Sam’s tight. He wishes he had Redwing to records something but it's too late, he knows it, it’s a matter of second now.

The avalanche devours everything on its path and the cabin is nothing so it gets swallowed whole.


	11. Chapter 11

Steve has trouble chasing the drug away at first, whatever they put in him is really potent and makes his body quite heavy. His first thought is that something feels familiar and that it comes from the sensation of sleeping next to his husband.

Then, all rushes to his head, back in time, Sam basically hates him, he had to find Killmonger, the drug coming from the flower, but not the same kind they take...

He jumps on his feet, taking in the dark cabin in a flash before noticing the immobile body next to him.

“SAM!!” He screams, panic overruling his mind. He prays a thousand times in a few seconds, throwing himself at the body to shake him awake “ **Please wake up, please, baby doesn’t leave me again, please** ” he implores. The body is cold under his fingers but not dead cold so he continues to call and shake until the familiar brown eyes opens in a mix of shock and annoyance.

”W-What? Rogers?”

Steve looks like he was crying and this relieved smile is probably going to be burned in Sam’s memories forever. This smile...there’s something to it, a secret Sam could almost taste if only he had all the pieces and his mind could just focus better right now.

Strong arms bring him all against Steve’s body in the tightest of hugs, maybe it’s the surprise but he hugs back as if his life depends on it.

”You scared me here for a hot minute” Steve says, looking at Sam’s face with a hand on his cheeks that seems way too tender for people who aren’t even friends.

”That’s my line, Rogers” he answers, still surprised this cabin held on. That’s clearly some damn luck.

”Steve”

”Uh?”

”Please, can you call me Steve?”

”Yeah, sure, Steve”

”Do you know what happened? I remember...shit, that drug is really something”

Now that the euphoria of being alive waves off, Sam remembers that he is a little bit pissed at Steve but now is not the time so he tells him all about his mission and how he found him in the frozen garden.

“Thank you for saving me”

”I was just doing my job”

Steve shakes his head, his eyes are distant suddenly and once again, Sam wants to know what is going on in his head but doesn't believe he has the right to ask. Whatever Steve’s mauling over, he must reach some kind of conclusion because he takes a deep breath to continue.

”Erik is T’Challa’s cousin. You know, Wakanda's King”

That...that Sam was not ready for ”Erik? This Erik? My Erik?”

”What do you mean your Erik?” Steve asks with a confused look.

”I dated that stupid dude”

Steve’s eyebrows disappear in his airline ”You- oh”

”What do you mean, cousin?”

There’s a moment of silence where Steve seems to study Sam intensely before he answers by telling Sam a lot about Wakanda including who exactly Erik is and how one can claim the throne. One failed attempt at snatching the crown and Erik ran away with a rare plant that he managed to crossbreed until he got the base for his enhancing drug.

“I let my guard down, thinking that he would talk with T’Challa. It’s not only about selling a new dangerous drug, it’s also to fuel a war here, in America”

“What kind of war? Against who?”

“Against us”

“You mean white people” Sam precises, memories of conversations with Erik jumping in his mind like it was yesterday. Of course his ass would, he can’t even fake surprise at this point. Sam honestly hoped back then that he would put some water in his wine but considering that he had a chance to be the King of the most advanced country in the world, no wonder he took Black Power to this extreme.

_“Imagine, Sam, a world where people like us don’t have to look over our shoulder. We birthed this fucking world and they treat us like nothing”_

_Sam had his head on Erik’s back while the news played on TV. Another day, another innocent black life lost._

_“To think that each new generation continue to bear the same prejudiced views, it’s like one step forward and two steps back sometimes” Sam has commented, sharing Erik’s frustration._

_“There’s no hope for them” has been his answer then and on that, Sam disagreed._

_Even if he didn’t believe he would see real improvement in his lifetime, he refused to believed that hatred was in someone’s DNA like that. Erik has called him too soft one time, they knew at this moment that wherever Erik was going, Sam wouldn’t go with him._

Now Sam wonders if he shouldn’t have let go, if he could have found the right words to change him, if he should have tried to change him because his pain couldn’t be contained with hope.

When he helps veterans, he never gives up, even when he knows they are too far gone. _No one is too out of reach_ , he always try to tell himself and maybe he gave up on Erik. He had no idea what his life must have been like, how heavy the knowledge that you “should” have had another life truly is.

It’s not something he can tell Ro-Steve anyway.

“Let’s see if we can find you a shirt, we just escaped death and the first thing I saw is your tiddies, man”

Red creeps on Steve’s face, neck and top of his pecs in seconds, yet, he doesn’t look sorry at all and just gives a lopsided smile.

“Someone said that they makes perfect pillow one time”

Sam doesn't notices the delight Steve experiences as he sees Sam's eyes actually linger on the smooth looking torso. Maybe Sam would have allowed himself more of this eye candy if Steve’s wounds weren’t jumping to his eyes too.

“This person may have lied to get in your pants, Steve,” he says just to keep some distances “gonna look for some medical supplies”

He does however catch the “If only you knew” under Steve’s breath but has the feeling he really doesn’t want to know actually.

The cabin is correctly furnished, if not for the lack of heating, so he easily finds the first aid kit in the bathroom as well as a sweatshirt for Steve, even if it's not his size. The man is pliant under Sam’s attention and it actually doesn’t take all that long. Dinner is made with canned white bean portion. In fact, there’s a lot of canned beans there and almost nothing else. There’s no way Steve would be full with that, Sam knows because Bucky told him a story about his best friend and food once. He really hopes hungry Steve is better company than hungry Bucky but the Captain says that he is fine with what he just ate.

“Any idea on how to warn our team that we are here?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get us out of this cabin in no time”

Steve’s eyes slide to the broken wings, then to the discarded suit on a chair and Sam just offers him a fake smile while moving to the bathroom.

The cold shower, Sam could have done without, especially when there’s no way to get warm again. To make matter worse, the couch is really raggedy which would make sleep on it hell. The floor is way too cold to be an option and Steve is hurt so he gets the bed, no question, but Sam will still need all of his strength if he wants to put his plan to execution.

Erik breaking Redwing has sent an alert to his team but who know when or how they would find him. If Erik thinks they are dead, Sam will easily go back to his lair and take back other samples of the flower and drugs, both destroyed in his escape.

“Let’s go sleep” Steve says from the bedroom.

Sam sights, put his ass on the couch and can feel the inside poking him as if he is laying above nails. A blond head appears in his vision and smirks.

“The bed is better than the couch and we can both fit on it. I don't want to fight with you on this, but I will”

“I am not **that** stubborn”

Steve makes a face so fast, like he intimately knows Sam’s bullshit. He pretends not to have seen it and walks past him even if Steve snickers behind him. The bedroom is just as cold as the rest of the cabin and the bed is not large enough to two adults like them to lay without any kind of contacts. It annoys Sam but he had way worse and he is alive, one night next to Steve won’t kill him. He lays and feels marginally better but the covers are doing nothing against the cold and he doesn’t feel all the way dry so he holds himself tight.

His body is shaking slightly as Steve finally lays next to him.

“Sam”

“Yeah?”

“You are cold. You know it, I know it and as you surely know, I run hot, so if you want...”

“I’m good” Sam cuts, turning away from him in his t shirt and boxer while Steve is back to being shirtless, his bandage enough to keep everything in place.

“Well, suit yourself”

The room gets silent and Sam can almost feel the promised heat from Steve but he is too far. He said he was good but he is not and he doesn’t need to die from hypothermia just because he is holding a grudge toward the other man. Reluctantly, he turns once more and swears he can make in the pitch black of the room Steve’s satisfied face.

”I swear if you are smiling Rogers...”

”Steve, I told you”

”Whatever, man”

”Nah, you only got my warmth if you stop being so cold yourself, Wilson”

Sam is quite scandalized ”Me? Cold? You ran away the first time we met! Besides, why are you pretending to be nice? I know you see me as your rival or something”

”This isn’t the first time you accuse me of something I really have no idea about” Steve answers calmly.

“Oh? You being in love with Bucky, rings a bell?”

Steve is silent for a moment before exploding in a loud laugh “What?! This again?”

Sam tells him all of his theory, that Steve has been a closet case, which was understandable, felt in love with his best friend and believed he would never got his chance but suddenly they are in the future and Bucky has something with a man so Steve thinks that now is his chance to get Bucky for himself. It’s the perfect time since Bucky and Sam are over.

Once again Steve laughs, so hard he almost fall from the old bed. Sam can hear him swear because he hurt himself, then move around until he reaches the light to flip it on.

Steve’s face is red with literal tears falling from his eyes “It makes so much...sense...oh my God, you are killing me”

“The truth is not funny”

“Your theory is hilarious. Wait, have you told Bucky this? That you believe I’m in love with him?!”

“Nah, he’ll know soon enough I bet”

Another round of laugh and Steve has to turn away from Sam for a moment before wiping his face and taking long breaths.

“Okay, Sam, can you look me in the eyes and really, really believe me when I say that I am not in Love with Bucky the way you think? I love him as a brother, as someone I would give my life for, yes, but not in a “I want him to be my boyfriend” sense. Jesus. No. Just, no.”

It doesn’t really convinces Sam thought because that’s the only explanation that makes sense and tonight is the night he will finally go to the bottom of this.

“Okay so please try to make sense of you being weird. I’ll wait”

Laughs and smiles disappears from Steve like a small flame being stepped on. Sam is certain that Steve does not want to tell the truth.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me”

“Try me”

“I already did, and you got pissed”

“What? When?” Sam asks back, unable to find in his memories what he may be referring too.

Steve shakes his head “Let’s just sleep”

“No. We are talking now or never Steve. This bullshit has to end”

“I traveled through time” Steve answers with the most serious face Sam saw him with “I come from the future, a really shitty future, thanks to the Infinity Stones”

Sam gapes at him “Come on...”

“You know, I have a hard time believing it myself. When I woke up, I thought I was dead or that Hydra got me. At first I thought everything was fake but then...I started to think that fake or not, I could still make a change so I helped Bucky escape Hydra, and I tried to do better this time” he says, clearly lost in memories Sam knows nothing about “I could ask Wanda to show you some of my memories. I want you to believe me Sam, I thought it didn’t matter but it does”

“Why?” Sam wonders out loud. If what Steve says it’s true, it isn’t any less true just because Sam has some doubts.

“Because I know you from before”

Sam cocks an eyebrow “Really?”

“If you trust Wanda and maybe you think you can trust me too, I’ll show you”

It sounds like an engagement to Sam’s ear. From what he gathers in Steve’s voice and attitude, Sam’s opinion is important to him, which is weird. The more answers he gets, the more questions he has.

“So you were weird not because you are in love with your best friend but because you knew both him and I and clearly, things weren’t like that”

“Yeah, that’s it” he answers with some poorly hidden annoyance or bitterness.

Sam stays silent at that, he’ll take Steve’s offer and ask Wanda to help him see things clearer. The implications of Steve going back in time are huge and dangerous since he admitted changing things as he wanted. Bucky himself had told Sam months ago that Steve’s mission was to make sure the Infinity Stones couldn’t be put together anytime soon. At the time, Sam hadn’t ask how Steve knew about the stones or why he was the one leading this mission.

With the light turned off once again, they both lay back in bed in a heavy and tense silence. After a minute, Steve turns away so his back is to Sam. As troubled as Sam is, he can feel the space between them and has the visceral needs to reach out. Maybe he’ll regret it later.

Sam turns too and scoots closer until his nose is against Steve’s muscular back. The other man doesn’t move so Sam continues to slot himself against him until it feels like snuggling with a giant teddy bear. His teddy bears never felt like this under his hands, that’s for sure, but he chases the thought away fast, making sure not to press “that” region anywhere near Steve’s ass. This poor man must already be uncomfortable as fuck, Sam thinks, no need to make things even more unbearable. To his surprise, Steve grabs his arm and hook his own arm above it while letting a relieved sound that feels a bit too intense for what the situation calls for.

“He knew me before” Sam remembers, “How? Was I his friend or his enemy? Maybe I was his neighbor or no one really”

Sam falls asleep trying to imagine the life he could have had but dreams instead of someone passing him while he did something mundane like running. What an asshole he thought about that faceless and tactless person.

* * *

The very first conscious thought Sam has waking up is ”warm” before snuggling on the firm pillow under his cheek. It’s been a long time since he felt this good so he moves impossibly closer to his...his what? What even is he holding like that? No, not what, who. The same ”who” that is deliciously scratching the back of his head and his neck. Before he can fully register, which is bad for someone in his line of work, he let a throat sound that is too close to a purr to make it pass to anything but an acknowledgement of satisfaction.

Sam blinks himself awake quickly and pushes himself on the forearm that isn't on his living pillow.

If he interprets Steve’s look correctly, then he would say Steve is waiting for his own reaction nervously. Sam doesn't have to make it awkward or a big deal, they moves around a bit in their sleep, it really isn't that deep.

”You do have comfortable pecs, I’ll give you that”

A smile creeps on the blond’s face slowly before he laughs, not mocking, it sound to pure for that.

”They’ll be there anytime you need a good night of sleep” he adds while making them bounce alternatively in a douchey move that makes Sam snort as he tries not to laugh too.

”Let’s get out of here, Steve” Sam says, feeling his face grow hotter at this little exchange.

He sits on the bed and starts to focus by breathing in and out.

”Uh, what are you doing?”

”Shh, don’t distract me”

”I thought you said...”

Resuming his position, he closes his eyes again and expands his mind beyond this cabin and beyond the snow.  
After some time, he opens his eyes as a small Rosy-Finches quite surprised at the intrusion, he reassures the bird as he can that he will be okay before taking over.  
  
Sam can only locate himself by how much he has to stretch his power in a game of hot or cold. Once he is flying right above them, he checks that no one is around and if they’ll have to go far to join a place to contact their team.  
  
He cuts the connection and opens his eyes to a concerned Steve.  
  
”If they are looking for us, it’s not here. I would say that we could dig our way out but we still have to be careful about it. Going south we will find a small town, maybe one hour by foot” he assesses, jumping out of the bed before he notices that Steve is still just as perplexed as before.  
”What?”

  
”How do you know that? Can you communicate with Redwing? I thought he was destroyed”

  
  
”Yeah, well, I used the birds”

  
  
”What birds?”

  
  
”The bird's Steve, you know, fly in the sky and all that”  
Steve hesitates for a moment before admitting that he doesn’t get it and wonders if that’s a slang he isn’t aware of.  
”Hasn’t Bucky told you? I can talk to and see thought birds”

  
  
”What?! Since when?” he asks with a heavy frown.

  
  
”Man, what are you on? Bucky told you we had a fight, you can’t tell me he didn't explain why”

  
  
”He said that you were too stubborn and that you almost died twice but what does this have to do with this?”

  
  
”I’m an Inhuman, Steve. It happened the same way and day as Daisy. You know I was there, you started asking me questions that day, remember?”  
Steve is so shocked his mouth is gaping. He passes a hand in his hair, then a second before rocking back and forth three times with wild eyes.  
  
“Are you okay?” Sam worries, surprised at Steve’s reaction.

  
  
“You could have died”

  
  
“Yeah...I did not and Bucky already gave me this conversation, like I said it’s why we don’t talk anymore, that and because I blissfully pretended nothing was off at first”

  
  
It’s not the first time the way Steve looks at Sam makes him uncomfortable but it’s the first time Sam is close to understand why Steve may look at him like that.  
  
“Does something happen to me because I’m an Inhuman? Or is it because I wasn’t one in your reality, future, whatever?”

  
  
“It’s not another reality, it’s the future, just the first version of it” Steve tries to explain “And no, you weren’t”

  
  
With a shrug, Sam crosses his arms “Well, this is my present anyway so there’s no need to think about it too much”

  
  
“I wanted things to be better, half the time, I just moved the problem around or made it worse”

  
  
“That’s still a lot of success. Besides, being able to talk to bird is not the worst thing that could have happened to me, don’t you think?”

  
  
This time, it’s Steve who tries to escape the way Sam eyes feels on him. The words stays heavy between them and Sam leaves the room so he can try to get them out of here.

* * *

  
It’s delicate work to dig through the powdery snow without making it fall inside the cabin, especially by hands, but the two of them work well and they manage to escape this snow tomb with only a case of wet and freezing clothes.  
  
Once out, they decide not to go back to the resort directly but to go to the village half an hour away from here. The walk is mostly in silence but Sam asks him how his wounds are since he saw earlier that it looked better already thanks to the super serum.

  
  
“I’m feeling alright, just need a real meal because cold beans is not my definition of a proper diner”

  
  
“Hanw poor baby wanted gourmet food in that cabin?” He teases.

  
  
“At least some Raclette”  
Sam laughs and Steve seems pleased with himself, enough to make him feel bold “Maybe we can grab something nicer for diner once we arrest your ex?”

  
  
“You manages to sound almost jealous, Steve” He continues on the same tone “You never date someone who turned out to be a villain?” Sam asks cheekily, not ready for the answer Steve is about to give.

  
  
“Yeah, I did actually. And then this guy took two of the most important people from me and threw me in a super secret jail without trial”

  
  
Sam stops, they can see the village from afar, and turns to Steve “You serious?”

  
  
“I wish I wasn’t”

  
  
“Nah, you are messing with me. Who?”  
  
Steve thinks about something “If I tell you, you have to promise never to tell anyone else. Even before...I don’t think anyone knew...except Natasha maybe”

  
  
Sam recognizes shame when he hears it, Steve is trusting him with something important and personal so he gives him all of his attention. It doesn’t escape him that if he had been wrong about Steve being in love with Bucky, he has been right about Steve being attracted to men. He isn’t sure if Bucky knows or not but he never alluded to it anyway.

  
  
“It was Stark”

  
  
“Stark...like Howard Stark?”

  
  
“No”

  
  
“Oh” Sam says, clutching his metaphorical pearls “You dated Tony?”

  
  
Steve moves his jaw, there’s a lot he actually wants to say about that but can’t push himself to go all the way “Long story short, it just didn’t worked out at all, we matched in all the wrong ways“

  
  
Weirdly enough, Sam can’t imagine Steve with someone like Tony. Of all the men out there, it feels like an odd choice but who is he to judge? Maybe one day he will ask him more about this because he bets this is a fascinating story.  
Now that he thinks about it, he wouldn’t have thought that Tony and Rhodey would work either but they care about each other in a very protective way. Tony and Pepper shares the same background but that’s all Sam can find to justify why she wouldn’t find a man a little less egotistical. None of them are as obnoxious as the businessman. 

  
  
“So, you had a thing with miss Carter, then Stark junior, and then?”

  
  
“We need a phone” Steve says in focus mode, the authority in his voice immediately makes Sam agrees before remembering that he ignored his question. Did he just get Captain’d?

  
  
Because of Sam’s wings that can’t get folded properly, he agrees to let Steve go inside the village while he waits around not to attract too much attention. From where he is, he can see a good part of the old town and its people living their daily life. He isn’t sure there’s an hotel around here but he has no doubt Steve will find a soul nice enough to give him a hand.  
  
His mind starts to go back to this night and morning, how comfortable he has been in this man’s arm. It’s something he shouldn’t think about again but it had been too intimate. You just don’t touch someone the way Steve touched him when they are just...not even friends.  
This is hardly the weirdest thing that happened to him in a mission but waking up hugging Steve has a little taste of betrayal because of Bucky. That said, it’s probably nothing, yeah he slept well and yeah it was nice, maybe Steve just has that effect on people, maybe they just snuggle to him. Well, what happens in a cabin stays in a cabin, they will never talk about it anyway.  
  
Here he is, trotting back to Sam with a smile on his lips.  
  
They have work to do.


	12. Chapter 12

Erik, Sam learns, will not hesitate to kill him if the opportunity presents itself. Call him stupid but he truly thought that he wouldn’t go that far, which shakes something deep inside him and makes him furious. He hoped that his ex would stop this madness but the second pill he takes shows how desperate he is. Steve and Sam work very well, but Sam suspects that it has more to do with Steve knowing how Sam operates. They alternate between fighting Erik himself or his men, all juiced up. That extra drug Killmonger takes makes him more instincts than brain so when he aims for Sam’s throat, it gives Steve the perfect opening to take him out. It takes two shots of heavy tranquilizer to make the man fall asleep but not before he gives Sam a disappointed look.  
  
In another life, , Sam could have ended up on Erik’s side. Hell, he was practically there where they met for the first time.

  
  
“What are you going to do with him?” He asks, still protective of him despite what just happened.

  
  
“Turns him over to T’Challa, he will probably be sent to Wakanda. I guess he doesn’t expect to be considered one of them” Steve answers, looking at the cleaning team starting to work around.  
“Want a ride to New York?”

  
  
Sam wants time to process this whole mission but he knows the sooner he’ll make his report, the better. “Yeah. To the Tower if that’s possible?”  
  
Steve nods and they walk together out of the frozen garden.

  
  
There’s a jet, then a car and after two hours and a half, they park in front of the Avengers Tower. Steve seems nervous, something Sam points out along the fact that he didn’t need the Captain to personally drive him here.  
  
“Just wanted to make sure you would get there safe, that’s all”

  
“Man, you’re weird, are you this concerned about every stranger you met?” Sam half jokes.

  
  
“You are not a stranger” Steve says by reflex, almost offended “I mean, we had a wonderful night together” he smiles.

  
  
Sam is not an idiot, this isn’t where he was going but he punches Steve’s arm for this stupid attempt at deflecting. “Please, that head is getting so big you won’t be able to get out of this car”

  
  
Steve laughs and it makes Sam stare for a second and smile, which it shouldn’t do, at least according to Sam. It disappears quickly however when he spots Bucky and Wanda coming their way. Bucky knocks on the window, prompting Steve to put it down “Look what the cat has dragged. Heard you two met during your mission, how did it go?”

  
  
“Just fine, right Sam?”

  
  
Sam basically grunts, annoyed to be remembered that Bucky and him aren’t exactly on speaking terms right now.

  
  
“Well, we are just coming back from a boring meeting with some congressman,” Wanda says in turn “we thought about getting an early dinner, interested?”

  
  
Both Sam and Bucky sends her a warning look but since she is only looking at Steve, it leads to nothing so they look at each other and, yeah, the hostility is still here. Great.

  
  
“Oh, I would like that but...you know”

  
  
Sam can’t even hide his relief but it’s short lived because Wanda proposes that he just waits for them to do their report and they could go somewhere else. Steve agrees, for some reasons, then Bucky too and it’s very apparent to Sam that he does this because it’s an easy way to annoy Sam, which it does.  
Except now, it’s not annoying because he doesn’t want to eat with them, it’s annoying because Bucky is holding on a grudge that could easily evolve into something nastier if unchecked.  
  
It takes an hour for the three of them to be done with paperwork and half an hour to agree and go to a place downtown.  
  
On their way there, Sam learns that he isn’t the only one Bucky had a problem with these days judging by the snide comments he gives Steve occasionally. It’s less open however, and Sam really wants to just enjoy the evening and that negativity is getting on his nerves really quick. Since he already is annoyed, why not put on the table a potential explosive topic?

  
  
“So, during the mission, Steve told me something really interesting about “traveling”, do you know something about that as well?” He asks Wanda and Bucky.

  
  
Bucky glares at Steve and Sam but Wanda just confirms it and explains her point of view. Steve still has traces of the stones energy in him and for some reasons, Wanda can sense it. Also. He allowed her to briefly see in his mind, which definitely settled it for anyone who knows about it.

  
  
“I get it, you know, trying to changes things” Sam admits.

  
  
Steve smiles softly at him “Yeah, I know you would saved Riley if you could, and your father”

  
  
It is true that they are on top of the list but to have Steve know that is still a bit disoncerting. He may have been closer to him than he knows but this version of Sam is not Steve’s whatever-they-were-before.  
Still, he allows the hand on his shoulder and the comfort it brings, remembering him of that morning and how soft that very hand had been against his skin.

  
“Seems like you two are real good pals now” Bucky comments, eyes going from one to the other.

  
  
“Nothing like a mission to bring people closer” Steve answers with a giant smile, pretending not to feel the bit of venom his friend just threw. Or maybe he sensed it alright and this is his own way of dealing with it.

  
  
“Cheers to that” Wanda says loudly, not particularly fan to be near the tension involving the three of them. Quite frankly, she is surprised Bucky accepted to come since he has a problem with both of the other men here. She thought this was a gesture of appeasements but even her can tell that there’s a light in Steve’s eyes that is saying something. A warning maybe.  
  
When she got an eye in Steve’s memories, she has been very careful, only seeing what Steve thought about at the moment. She saw herself, Nat, Clint, Sharon, T’Challa and felt the void only a deep loss can print on your very soul.  
Initially, she believed it was about Bucky but since then, she learned that he had known Tony and Sam and that’s where things gets muddy.  
This Steve may be smiling, but she knows he is drunk on Bucky and Sam being alive again. What she doesn’t understand is why he spend so many time away from them, obviously, he is drinking Sam’s words and often rest his eyes on him. It means something, she knows it. Everyone knows Steve and Bucky history but Steve and Sam? It’s a mystery, and if she was the only one noticing it before, she definitely isn’t now as she perceives Bucky’s frown next to her.  
Sam is a bit guarded but he is genuinely opening up so whatever reservations he had about Steve before may have been calmed thanks to their time together. That’s how it feels like when Sam laughs at one of Steve stories that he tells just for him.  
  
And Bucky is a lot of thing, but he isn’t dumb, Steve is looking at Sam in a way that screams not only love but history too...an history Steve purposefully avoided last time they talked about it. He wants to know, right now, what is going on, but he doesn’t find the right question to ask. Besides, Sam laughs, yeah, okay he does but he is also hurting when he looks at Bucky. He can tell Sam wants to reach out, tries to steal some looks at him in between eating and talking and joking. Bucky knows Sam and he also knows he is slowly loosing him, not only as whatever they were, but as friends too.  
  
It’s a lot, and part of him is jealous. He isn’t in love with Sam but also...the way he cares about him is special in its own right. This, this is his own problem and he needed to give them space before they got more confused but what did it accomplished? They are both miserable.  
  
Steve could be part of the solution, Bucky thinks, because if he is indeed interested in Sam, it could balance everything, maybe. That said, he isn’t about to let Steve fuck over Sam (the way he himself did), and if his instinct is right and Steve knew him more than he pretended, they need to know the truth.  
  
He waits for the diner to be over, Sam and Wanda are leaving together and, as usual now, Sam barely looks his way, but it’s okay, they are going to be fine (he hopes). Steve watches them go together with a pleased expression before he turns to Bucky, probably to say goodbye too only to have his best friend speak first.

  
  
“Let’s have a talk, Stevie”

  
  
“Okay?”

  
  
Bucky starts to walk away, looking for a private setting, Steve on his tail. He opts for a nearby rooftop, nowhere near the tallest building around. Still very unlikely to have someone overhear them. Steve only looks mildly politely curious, unaware of what this is about.

  
  
“You, Sam, spill”

  
  
Steve blinks “What do you mean? We told you, the mission...”

  
  
“No. Don’t bullshit me Steve, you know exactly what I mean. How well you knew him before?”

  
  
“Like someone who looks for the ghost of a best friend you thought long dead with you, all around the world, for more or less three years” he answers easily with a falsely innocent bat of his eyelashes. “And like someone who gave up his work, family and friends to help two newly declared enemy of the state because of Hydra. Why?”

  
  
And, okay, yeah, it makes some sense in Bucky’s mind. It slots kind of well with everything he gathered so far, but he doesn’t believe this would earn the way Steve looks at him.

  
  
“Are you...interested in Sam? Are you in love with him or something?”

  
  
The **Fire of Defiance** is lit in Steve, it’s easy to see in the way he squares up his large shoulders that once were way smaller and yet, just as imposing in their own right. Bucky never been exempted from being victim of his friend’s attitude and, in fact, one of his earliest memories of him is Steve almost fighting him because Bucky had the audacity of stopping him from attacking a guy twice his size and armed that was assaulting random people passing by in the street of 1930’s Brooklyn.  
  
“Have you interrogated your own relationship with him before questioning mine?”

  
  
“Steve” Bucky warns.

  
  
“James”

  
  
“You want to play it like that?”

  
  
“I want you to mind your own business. You don’t see me asking why you keep hurting him and pushing him away, do you?”

  
  
He does that eyebrow raise when he notices Bucky’s hand closing into a fist, daring him to hit first. The time Steve would put kid gloves around Bucky was long gone, clearly. He suspected before that Steve had a problem with him and Sam because they are both men but it never was about that, he knows now, and he visibly was just waiting for the occasion to blast Bucky on this topic.

  
  
“I never wanted to hurt him”

  
  
“Sure. You just wanted a convenient fuck”

  
  
It’s obvious that Steve only goes for the neck because he has no intention to answer directly Bucky's question and yet, his reaction is an admission in itself. Since there’s no point in pushing the conversation further, Bucky just turns on his heels and disappear, conscious that if he stays, this will turn into a very ugly fight.

* * *

  
  
The three of them are in a really weird space during the following month.

  
  
Bucky half avoids Steve and Sam but it starts to get on his own nerves because he simply doesn’t know how to make things better. He can’t go back to how things were with Sam because he has the deep feeling that Sam would fall in love despite swearing he would never and he can’t have that. He can’t because he knows he wouldn’t be good for Sam and despite what everybody thinks, he does this more to Sam’s benefits than his own. It would be easy to go to him and take and take and take until Sam has nothing but hate and resentment to him. That’s the opposite of what he wants.  
His other best friend is still hiding something, he knows it and he is dying to know what exactly it is. He wants the truth and the fact that Steve of all people is blatantly lying and hiding something from him is outrageous to Bucky. They trust each other with their life, what could be so huge that Steve decided to keep it silent despite Bucky’s questions? All he wants is the truth, is that asking too much?

  
  
On one hand, Steve feels more guilty with each passing days, still wondering what is the point of hiding his past from Bucky and Sam. They should know. Bucky is already on his case and he hasn’t worked so hard to save him and have him back in his life only to spend weeks in silent treatment, this make no sense.  
Yeah he is mad about the whole Bucky and Sam thing but it’s over and they were friends before he came in the picture.  
Maybe he acts like an asshole because, really, he never thought he would find himself competing for a man’s heart with his best friend. Certainly, fighting with Bucky over someone who was, should be, maybe will be, his husband seems surreal.  
Concerning Sam, every chances he get to see him, he takes it. Slowly, Sam is warming up to him to the point that he gave him his phone number. Granted, it was because Steve proposed to have diner with T’Challa and Shuri to introduce him and he was fanboying hard, but it counts.  
At the same time, it’s becoming harder and harder not to flirt with him which wouldn’t be right because he knows Sam. He knows him enough to pull the very perfect date to woo him but It would be unfair, he feels, since this Sam never shared all of that with him, he knows Sam intimately, body and soul, but Sam doesn't know him. **He needs to come clean**.

  
  
Sam is over his friends with benefits days with Bucky. It’s not that the sex was bad, because it was very good and he even thinks about it sometimes when it’s only him and his hands but he has the feeling that it would always leaves him a taste of incomplete, a frustration somehow.  
He wants Bucky back in his life but they became so tactile, it always feels wrong now, not to even hug, not to even shake hands. Is it something weird to notice? That even on a non sexual level he misses Bucky’s body? Is he a bad friend for not being able to completely put that behind him? Maybe he is, maybe that’s why Bucky wants nothing to do with him now.  
Something changed with Steve. They aren’t friends, but they are...kind of growing closer. They never talk about Bucky but he knows he misses him too.  
He isn’t afraid to say that maybe he got Steve very wrong at first, but it’s hard to really wrap your brain about this time travelling stuff. He just knows the basics and a part of him is afraid to ask more. They may have been friends, okay, why not, how did they meet? Have Steve met his family? How did he die?  
Maybe it shouldn’t matter because it’s nothing to him, it’s not really his past but it stays in the back of his head each night.  
Steve is obviously full of secret but he isn’t sure he should know them.  
  
  


* * *

  
* _Three months later_ *  
  
There an alien/bird that took a linking in Sam after a mission. The mission itself had nothing to do with the alien but they did find a lot of experimentation on animals behind the lab. They only discovered that room, full of curious creatures like the giant caterpillar, some weird hybrid between human and dogs and that falcon with iridescent red under-wings.  
This not-entirely-from-earth bird can change his molecular structure to anything it touches, which is a talent the owner of this place, yeah, one of these ”scientists”, managed to replicate and gave to regular humans.  
Seems like a good idea on paper until they discovered that they couldn't change into anything organic including their regular human self.  
  
The bird (?) asked Sam if he could stay with him and at the time, he was so small and cute...

  
  
”Come on Rhodey, we will let Helen’s team run a few tests, he is okay with that as long as I am around”

  
  
”Sam, you are not getting an alien as a pet” Rhodey counters, firm in his decision. His office isn’t loaded with files for once so Sam can actually look at the desk in it’s entirety.

  
  
”Good, because he isn't a pet. This is Redwings. Organic Redwings, with an "s"”  
  
The falcon flaps his wings from where he sits to Sam’s head, then to the desk with a squeaking sound toward the Avengers leader.  
  
”He said that you are mean”

  
  
”You are a bad liar, Wilson”

  
  
Redwings changes to this very expensive wood the desk is made by and flies to Rhodey to peck at his head.  
  
”HEY! GET OUT OF THERE!”

  
  
”See. Now he doesn’t like you. Red, come here, leave your mean uncle alone”  
  
The bird chips loudly in Rhodey’s ear before doing as Sam instructed and going back on his head, nestling in the short hair without a bother, changing back to his regular form.

  
  
”First of all, I am not this thing’s uncle” Rhodey warns, trying to check if a wooden quill is indeed stuck somewhere behind his ear.  
”Secondly, he could be very dangerous. Don't look at me like that Sam, you know what this guy was doing. It ain’t right”

  
  
”Redwings is a victim” Sam explains simply ”the hybrid is already gone and the caterpillar is under intense scrutiny. If something happens, it will be on me”  
  
Rhodes huffs, asking Sam if he is sure he wants that responsibility and understands that they are talking about a life form they know next to noting about. The thing is, Rhodey has so much on his plate right how with Tony’s trial, Carol Danvers being back on earth and the possibility that the Guardian of the Galaxy did something very dumb that a DNA-maleable-alien-falcon is low on his list of priorities. Doesn't mean that he can just let Sam do whatever he wants but because he behaved since the whole "surprise I’m an Inhuman" moment, maybe he deserves some more trust.

  
  
”I will throw your ass in the Raft if this thing hurts civilians”

  
  
”Don’t know what the Raft is but yeah, sure. Redwings, say thank you to your nice uncle”  
  
Redwings does say something that makes Sam chokes on thin air but it has nothing to do with a thank you.

  
  
”What?” Rhodes asks while Sam quickly makes his exit, getting up from his chair even ”What did he say?”

  
  
”He said thank you uncle Rhodey!”

  
  
Bad liar, Sam Wilson is a very bad liar.

* * *

  
  
The alien bird has some opinions and is just as smart as a human, if not more.  
  
He doesn't like Bucky because Bucky calls him Red-wig so the bird peck at his hair when he doesn't suspects it. It also has the affect of slowly make Bucky and Sam get on speaking terms again but that's only by accident.  
  
He likes Wanda but insists that Vision is nothing more than a glorified robot. The part of Redwings that’s alien is symbiotic in nature, hence the amalgamation with the falcon, however they have a distaste for anything that moves without a pulse. Sam can’t wait to introduce him to a vampire.  
  
Pietro and him are mostly indifferent and that’s mostly because Pietro likes to understand people for himself without having a translator involved.  
  
Red thinks that Peter would taste great and while Sam assures the Spiderman that he is joking, Peter always looks over his shoulder now. That said, maybe the kid is right because Sam saw Redwings pass the top of his wing across his short neck and then point in direction of Peter in a gesture that humans and aliens both can understand.  
Sam is pretty sure that he doesn't eat humans. Like, ninety-nine percent sure.  
One time, Red takes the consistency of Peter’s web and purposely gets stuck to him, making weird noises that make the poor young man run to Sam in total distress, scared for his life (and it says something because Peter is by no mean Sam's greatest supporter).

  
  
It’s interesting, however, that the birds just silently flies to Steve’s shoulder and rests there the first time they meet.

  
  
“I take this is the Redwings everyone talks about lately?” He asks while giving the alien a gently caress on the top of his feathered head.

  
  
“Yeah, he was a bit smaller when he decided to stay with me thought” Sam answers, his calves a bit painful after that run around the lake.  
Steve, likes Bucky, wouldn’t sweat from a simple run but Sam has to put his hands on his knees to help the air coming inside once they are done with that little circuit. “He says that you’re a show off by the way”

  
  
“Does he really?” Steve asks with a cheeky smile, the bird letting himself being pet without being difficult, which is sort of rare.

  
  
“Nah. But I do. Go take another lap!” He pushes “Did you just take it? Seems like you could have done it already”  
There it is again, that smile, tinted with nostalgia now that Sam knows about it. It was confusing at first, because someone knowing you when you don’t know them like that is a little bit unfair in his opinion.  
“What? Don’t tell me I already used that joke man”

  
  
“Well...”

  
  
“You never told me how we met, before” he sits on the closest bench, Redwings chasing the pigeons around playfully.

  
  
That smile goes away fast. Sam doesn’t expect this question to trigger something in Steve that sends his mind far away like that. There is still nostalgia but it’s the opposite of happiness on his face right now.  
He sits next to Sam, hands restless in his lap.

  
  
“Actually, it was here. Really early in the morning. I think I saw you run around here before but I’m not sure. Anyway that day, I don’t know why I decide to open my mouth when I run almost as fast as I can” Steve remembers, sadness still coloring his voice but also something else, something fond.  
“I said “ **On your left** ” to you each time I passed you so like, three times and you still hadn’t complete a single lap”  
There’s a little smile at the memory, looking at Sam with misty eyes “I have no idea why you started answering me but...when you stopped, I came by and we just...talked. It was... You knew I was Captain America but it almost didn’t matter I guess. anyway, Natasha came to pick me up and uh... “

  
  
Sam raises an eyebrow, eager to know the rest “Yeah?”

  
  
“You told me you worked at the VA and that maybe it would be good for me to see for myself the work you did”

  
  
“Seems like something I would do, yeah” Sam says proudly.

  
  
Steve smiles back at him “You really are good at this, helping people. I guess it stuck with me because when Nat and I decided that it would be a good thing to expose Hydra, two weeks later we had nowhere to turn to. I...I came to you”

  
  
“Wait a minute,” Sam cuts “you barely knew me”

  
  
“Exactly. And yet, you helped us and I didn’t want to involve you further but you told us how to get your wings and since that day, we became a team” Steve resumes, feeling guilty at how incomplete that was. This is his chance to say the truth, to tell everything to Sam and yet he can’t. He can’t go further and he is still trying to find an excuse when Sam speaks again.

  
  
“We hit it off right away? Damn, compared to how it went here...”

  
  
“You mean when I saw you and Bucky being all sweet on each other and I thought that he was talking about a woman all along? Talk about a surprise”

  
  
“I thought you were an homophobic and racist piece of shit, ah, the good ol’times” Sam jokes, unaware that it actually hurts Steve. Being mistaken for someone he is not is common but he never has been so grossly misunderstood by Sam and all happened because he ran away that day, too shocked to see “his husband” flirting with his, so far, straight best friend.  
“You’re okay?”

  
  
“What? Yes. Why?”

  
  
“Red thinks something’s wrong with you”

  
  
Steve risks an eye toward the alien before looking back at Sam with a shrug “Yeah, it’s just that I thought I had lost everything for so long. It’s hard to believe I have a second chance sometimes”

  
  
They make their way back to the Tower, of course Steve wouldn’t come inside. Sam is thinking about everything and nothing, just generally happy to be when a question pops in his mind just before they are about to say goodbye.  
  
“I have a question. An intimate one”

  
  
It gets Steve’s curiosity “Shoot”

  
  
“Do you have regrets? With that second chance of yours?”

  
  
“Yes” the blond answers fast and honest because he is looking at his biggest one right now and when he notices his own arm starting to move up, above Sam’s waist and above his shoulder, he has to physically slaps himself to put it on his shoulder and not on his cheek like he wants to.  
“Don’t worry. I’m okay. I have more than I can ask for already”

  
  
When Steve turns to leave, Sam still feels his hand on him. He indulges in it, his heart pumping heavier and his mind starting to go where it shouldn’t. It’s only in his mind, it’s okay, he reassures himself until a voice reminds him that it started like that with Bucky too, looks, touches...  
  
“Was I...” he starts, making Steve come back before Sam grabs him by the arm to bring them closer to the parking in a deserted area.  
“We aren’t different from before, right? I mean, you didn’t know about Bucky being attracted to men too but he still was, probably”

  
  
“I am not following you”

  
  
“You know about Riley and I don't talk about him lightly, so you knew me pretty well”

  
  
“Yes” Steve answers cautiously, feeling the trap Sam is setting.

  
  
“We were friends you said?”

  
  
“Yes. We were”

  
  
“Okay but...”

  
  
“You became my best friend” Steve cuts, “you and Nat were kind of all I had for a while, and then we were on the run and then we got Bucky back, I already told you that”

  
  
Sam bites his lower lip and frown “See, I have the feeling that it didn’t went like that”

  
  
“What? Yes it did”

  
  
“I may not know a lot about you yet but I know me Steve. If there’s things you don’t want to tell that’s okay, but I do expect my close relationships to have a level of trust and honesty. You feel me?”  
His attitude changed in a second, from unsure and cautious to no nonsense. Steve remembers all the times he told himself he has to tell the truth, all the truth, because it’s only a matter of time before he gets caught in a web of lies and the last thing he wants is to loose Bucky and Sam because they think he manipulated them or something.  
  
“So I have one question for you,” Sam continues, “Have we ever kissed?”

  
  
That one question Steve wasn’t expecting at all. Red creeps on his face as well as places Sam can’t see. The perfect opportunity right?  
  
“I kissed Nat. I kissed Sharon, hell, I kissed Bucky one time” Steve answers, knowing he is messing up big time. Sam asked for honesty just seconds ago and he found a way to give a bullshit answer.  
He never has been afraid of the truth, never felt like he couldn’t tell things to Sam and here he is, unable to lift the weight on his conscience and for what? Because he is scared to end up the same way? Because Sam may choose to keep his distances? But he already changed so much, what is the point of hiding what he went through?  
  
Since that mission and their shared bed, Steve can’t sleep well anymore. Sharing the same bed almost felt like before and he had told himself so many times that all he needed was just one night with him again, what an idiot he had been.  
  
 **A perfect FOOL**.  
  
Like Pandora’s box, everything is out there but hope, all of that because his arrogant ass thought he could do better and he that he had to sacrifice his own happiness for that.  
  
Sam snorts and the sound Redwings makes is one of disappointment but maybe that’s just how Steve perceives it because Sam sure is.  
  



	13. Chapter 13

The truth is, Steve only actually decides to tell the truth three whole weeks later.

It comes while he is at Shield’s medical bay, after an attack by one of Thanos’s henchman who almost manages to steal his memories and burn Sam away from his mind for good.  
  
In a sense, it had been his own fault, see, Steve didn’t know before that encounter that he used Sam and their memories together as a mental shield. It didn't occur to him that it was part of the reason his own mind kept everything he knew from the first timeline and to be fair, who could have imagined that? So, when that alien came and looked for information on the infinity stones, he met that giant wall of "Samuel Wilson-Rogers" and started to destroy it. Steve felt everything slipping through his fingers like sand: the last time they saw each other, the first time he saw him after the reset, their wedding, when Sam told him his name the first time... for a moment, he forgot Sam’s name.  
The team managed to stop the old looking alien for good and Steve got his memories back but it still happened and he still can't stop the tears from falling, hours after, because he almost forgot Sam and it scares him.

  
So, a few days later, he invites Wanda, Bucky, Natasha and Sam in a small house he rented for the week end with the certitude that he has kept his secrets for too long. If something happens to him, people need to know the whole truth.

  
  
“Will someone tell me why you invited us here?” Bucky questions once he is at the living room table, sharing a beer with Natasha but eyeing the fancy looking cocktail Wanda and Sam just made together.

  
  
It’s past seven pm and the night is near but for now they have a beautiful, almost blinding, orange, pink and dark blue sunset. There’s no neighbors to be seen but both Natasha and Bucky did a perimeter check anyway.  
Steve is nervous as hell, his relationship with Bucky is going south lately because he knows something is up and last time he saw Sam, he lied to his face. Redwings is perched near the turned off TV, standing still. Call him paranoid but he is certain that Red is judging him and saying nasty things about him to Sam who seems amused for no particular reason, snickering occasionally while risking looks toward Steve that aren’t all that discreet.

  
  
“I owe all of you some apologies,” Steve starts, “Sharing the totality of my previous journey has been a struggle, especially since, even back then, certain things had stayed hidden”  
He swallows, unsure who he should be looking at so he ends up looking at everyone alternatively “I asked you to trust me, to trust my experience and you did, so I want to thank you for that. Ebony Maw’s attack scared me, I am not afraid to admit it. He touched things In a way that feel...”  
He stops, words getting lost suddenly.

  
  
“You don’t have to explain yourself actually” Sam says “You certainly don’t have to lay down your trauma for us to trust you”

  
  
“I know, but I need to get this off my chest. I don’t want it to change anything about all of us but you were and still are, in my heart, my team. I want to share my truth with you”  
Once again, he looks at everyone before taking a good inspiration and starting his story.  
He asks for Wanda’s help, once again, to show them, as unfiltered as he could (there was still things he needed to keep for himself and Sam only).  
She wants to be sure he knows what he is doing and he nods so they all touch her and she put her palms on each side of his head.  
  
It’s like a movie with faster and slower parts and Steve’s emotion in their own heart as if they had been the ones experiencing it.

It starts with waking up in New York the first time to the Avengers and his secret, very complicated and unhealthy relationship with Tony, this seems like a lot already and yet, it’s just the beginning of his journey. It goes to seeing Sam from the first time, actually wo weeks before having the courage to talk to him and that connection he couldn't deny even if he tried hard not to let himself fall again, scorched by what happened with Tony. Then the Winter Soldier, Ultron, meeting Wanda and her brother, looking for Bucky and the love blossoming between Sam and him.  
There was a lot of Sam actually but it must have been because after they met, they saw each other more and more and Sam gave up his social life to help Nat and Steve. Natasha teasing them when they tried too hard to be discreet when it was just the three of them.  
  
The marriage is definitely a surprise to the group but in the flow of every fucked up or surprising things Steve lived already, there’s no time to be anything but shook anyway.  
The pure elation Steve felt marrying Sam and his love in general is indisputable, so much so, it's like they are all in love with him too.  
All of this is short lived thought because soon is Zemo, the motherfucking Accords, the airport fight and Siberia. Bucky never saw himself getting killed before and this is something he never wants to experience again.  
  
They see Steve in the Raft, the despair swallowing whole except a little flame of hope keeping Steve alive that was Sam. Because, yes, he thought about ending it all more than once but he couldn’t do that just in case there was a chance he could see his husband again.  
  
Then Natasha gets him out and back to the others because Thanos put his hands on the stones and snapped half of every living things.  
Steve couldn’t even appreciate to be out and free before he had to face Tony and boy of boy, would he have preferred to never see his face ever again.  
The whole marriage reveal to Nat and right after, Sam’s fate is still as soul crushing for Steve than what it has been then, but he forces himself through, forces himself to hear Tony say that this was Steve’s fault Sam died. He had wanted to kill Tony with his bare hands. Eventually he let go of the memory and it switches to his period of running away, lost and desperate. He was miserable but so was the world around him too.  
  
As usual, Steve can’t be in pain in peace and Natasha and Carol comes to him. Whatever little joy he had in fixing this debacle has been short lived since he gets himself involved in a time heist. Can you believe? The mission works but they loose some of the team.  
Whatever they try with the stones does not work and Thanos is suddenly here again, the past one who managed to come into the future. Complicated, right?  
The whole battle is the stuff of nightmare. People dying, Steve de-serumed, hurt, and yet worthy of Mjolnir, fighting to his last breath and that final hit that sends him back to square one.  
  
The second rodeo is no less messed up than the last one because Steve thinks he is dead, then that he lost his damn mind but after that, he still decides to help how he can, vowing to do better this time.  
Helping Bucky is a no brainer, avoiding Sam too.  
It enrages him to see Bucky work for the monster that killed him but when they speak, when he meets Wanda again, there’s the start of something akin to normalcy again. The hole in his heart is still there but he lives with it because he feels he owns it to his team, to his friends, to his husband.  
  
And then arrives the day he sees Sam and Bucky together.  
  
What he felt then isn’t pretty by any stretch of the imagination but after what he has been through, maybe he deserved to wish things went his way one time.  
Their relationship infuriated him but he tries, God, he tries his best. It’s not enough.  
They thinks he is the worst and all he can do is try to be there for his best friend and the man that would be, was his husband.  
  
Life goes on and he has a new team, friends he wants to take care of.  
  
But between this and Sam being an Avengers alongside Tony... they feel it, how much Steve still wants Stark dead. It’s not in some sort of _in the moment_ train of thoughts, it’s something he lets himself feel and choose not to act on because he wants to be better than that. He really doesn’t think he is thought.  
  
Lastly, they see the mission in that ski station, they see that night they shared and how it felt like Steve could breathe for the first time in forever and yet was choking with his feelings and the fact that Sam wasn’t his anymore.  
  
  
When it’s over, Steve feels like the world is spinning around so he turns around and leaves the house, steps heavy. Maybe it’s stupid but he thought telling the truth would make the world more simple, instead, he just feels like an idiot. Having to live all of this, again, is a great way to get the nightmares start again he guesses.  
  
There’s really not a lot of options right now since running away isn’t one. He does notices the unusual and large influx of birds on the nearby trees, almost covering them. Is that Sam? He waits patiently, unfocused and defeated. They look sinister and since more and more and coming, he starts to worry as well. Redwings flies outside, all in flame that he throws in the sky letting a loud scream that doesn't scare any of the other birds but breaks Steve's heart a little more.

* * *

  
  
Wanda comes looking for him, a warm plaid around her shoulders and unbothered by the hundreds, maybe thousands of eyes on them.

  
  
“Sam made diner”

  
  
“Is he alright? I don’t think I can look him in the eye ever again”

  
  
“Alright is definitively not the term I would choose" she starts, worry passing on her face as she gives a look back to the house for a moment "He tries to keep it under wrap but even if I try to block it, his feelings are too strong in here, I need to breathe” she continues softly “I understand what it cost you to show us what happened. You are still like a big brother to me, in this reality or the previous one”

She hugs him strongly and he reciprocates it, letting the comfort wash over him for a moment.

He almost drags his feet back into the house and isn’t at ease with the way Bucky looks at him from the living room, almost at the exact same spot the has been earlier. " _You fucked up big time_ " it says on one side " _I can't believe what I saw_ " on the other.

  
“You know you don’t have to always be the self sacrificing hero Stevie?” It’s not the first time Bucky says this to Steve but it’s the first time he looks so hurt by it.  
“Sometimes, you should be an asshole. Sometimes, you should be selfish. How many chances do you need before you stop devaluing your own life?”

  
Steve’s first instinct is to defend himself but the words does ring true in his ears He thinks that to himself sometimes, but then somethings happen and someone has to take responsibility. He doesn't feel like he can escape that.  
He always wanted to do the right thing and asked nothing in exchange because he just wanted to be that person, but life burned him again and again until there wasn’t one part of his soul not kissed by the fire and looking like ash as a result.

  
“I don’t know how” he admits, hoping Bucky can understand.

  
  
“You should start by talking to Sam”

The perspective is frightening to be quite honest. None of his relationships has been impacted by this reset quite like Sam and him and now that everything is out in the open, he has no idea how to even starts to heal what is between them. Then, Bucky comes to him to whisper "He started to cook but his hands were shaking the whole time. Have you seen Redwings? Sam almost started a fire and the bird flew in there, became a flying fireball or something and escaped"

_So that was that_ Steve thinks, his throat tight at what Bucky just told him. He never wanted to hurt Sam, never, but he had to and for now he stands by that.  
Before trying to talk to Sam, however, he wants to take care about his relationship with his best friend. He looks sad and disappointed but not closed off.

  
  
“You know I love you, right?”

  
  
“There’s not a world where we aren’t friends Rogers” Bucky smiles brightly “I never doubted you about that. But going against the government and part of your team for me?” He stops, thoughtful for a moment “I don’t think I am worth all that Rogers, but I want to. What you did was stupid, but also so... so freaking...”

  
  
Steve grabs him and they start crying in his each other arms silently.  
“Till the end of the line” he whispers, feeling Bucky hold on so tight he may actually end up cracking a bone or two. He doesn’t care. Maybe they don't need a lot of words, maybe it doesn't exactly magically erase the hurt between them either but it's a good start.

  
  
Meanwhile, Natasha and Sam are putting the table behind them as if nothing is out of the ordinary despite the birds now behind at their window. By the time Bucky and Steve let go of each other, the round table is set and Wanda is already on a chair. She does have a few feather in her hair.  
  
Natasha is mostly quiet during diner, only saying a few words and none of them are about how she feels about the whole thing. All Steve’s get is a feet against his own because she is next to him and that’s it. He interprets it as her trying to be there for him but also maybe she isn’t ready for a conversation about that just yet.   
  
The food is delicious, it’s almost surprising Sam was able to make all of that himself with the groceries they did before arriving. He isn't the stress-cooking type but Steve guess that's the only outlet he got for his feelings. That and his power clearly leaking.  
  
Steve risks an eye toward him, dead silent and apparently not only set on not looking at him but at no one else too outside of Redwings who does looks at Steve and spreads his wings menacingly from Sam’s chair. He is almost positive that the alien is cursing at him or something and that the way Sam slowly touch behind his neck is meant to appease him or keep himself in control, he isn’t sure.  
  
After diner, Sam disappears outside, taking the birds away with him while Bucky and Wanda take care of washing the dishes.  
  
Natasha put the TV on but Steve isn’t sure she is actually registering anything going on the screen.

  
  
“I would have never let Bucky or Sam anywhere near their murderer” she ends up saying “I get how it happened, but still”

  
  
“It’s not that easy, you saw me go to Rhodey and Bucky too”

  
  
“Yeah. I saw a whole lot of things” she says back in a tone he can't interpret.

  
  
“Are you mad?”

  
  
“At you?” She asks “No. Well, maybe a little. You did what you could with the shit you’ve been given. I don’t agree with everything you did and how you did it but I got you, Rogers”  
  
It matters to Steve to hear this coming from his friend. They may have not agreed on the Accords but she understood his position about Bucky and in that new timeline, she has been there from the start.  
  
Bucky and Wanda join them on that way too small couch for four people. They stay like this for a while. Steve is surrounded by his favorites persons but he can’t help but feel Sam’s absence. It’s normal, he tells himself, after all, out of everyone the bigger shock has been for him, but it still hurts.  
  
The thing is, the house has three bedrooms therefore, in Steve’s mind, he would take the couch and only two of them would have needed to share a room.  
What ends up happening instead is that Natasha and Wanda shares a room and for some reason, Steve believes that Sam is going to share a room with Bucky. No one told him that, but he actually supposes that this is the arrangement, so instead of taking the couch he goes to the last free room, one of the two with a window giving on the backyard.  
  
After his shower, he sits up on the bed with a soft short that he will use as pajama and nothing on top. It’s not all that late but it’s hard to get the party going on when you ruined the mood with the shitty movie of your life. It’s been a long time since he slept that early but he does randomly appreciate that he managed to have in this life a bit more balance this time instead of being half consumed by his feeling of duty.  
  
While he reflects on his parkour, he notices Redwings flying outside in an unknown direction. Right after, Sam knock on the door and enters the room.  
  
Steve starts to sit again, at loss for words while Sam is clearly thinking about something with his eyes downcast. Then he walks to the bed, takes off his sweater and pants, down to a t shirt and a, and Steve isn’t proud to notice because if there ever has been a bad time, it would be now, very well fitted brief.  
Of course his heart starts to beat faster. He lets Sam help himself in the bed without daring to touch him or come close.  
  
“I don’t know what to do with what happened to you, to us, everyone” he whispers, eyes still thoughtful but with a certain sadness. “Maybe I’m making a mistake for both of us, but tonight I want to be near you. That’s all. If you want me gone...”

  
  
“No. Please stay”

  
  
“You have to understand Rogers, I am not...I am not the same me. Things are different, you get it, right?”  
Sam is cautious, putting distance and barriers in his words in the hope Steve will understand the delicate situation they are now in.  
He could have gone to bed with anyone but in a rare instance, his body, mind and heart all agrees that they want Steve next to him tonight. Being aware that you are doing something stupid isn’t the same as preventing yourself from doing it and he knows the truth messed him up way too much to be taking rational decisions but he wants to be here anyway.

  
  
“I know. But you are him, you are you. Your experiences are a little different, but you are still you”

  
  
“I shouldn’t be here. You make me so damn angry...But even then...”

  
  
“You can go if you want or I can leave if you ask me to” Steve says with intent. Even if he can feel that Sam is completely torn, he needs to say that he still has a choice, always will when it comes to him. If Sam wants to be with him tonight, then that’s what he will give him but he needs to decide for himself.  
  
And Sam does get out of bed, leaving Steve in the verge of tears for a moment until he realizes he is only going to turn off the light before coming back.  
There’s a laugh stuck in his throat, a relief washing over his whole body and hope, shining too bright in him and threatening to burn through his paper thin heart.  
  
Steve was still trying to wrap his head around half of the things that happened the last time they slept together. It had been a total surprise to feel Sam make his way closer to him during that night and that sight...You should have heard that contented sound Sam let out back then, a sound Steve knows by heart. Despite that, all he allowed himself was to gently pass a hand on his neck, that was it.  
  
This time however, things are different because Sam knows the truth and he actually choose to sleep there. So when Steve feels Sam look for his hands in the dark, he gives him, and when Sam tucks his head against his torso, he swears he is back in time. This is instinct, chemistry and, even if Sam isn’t in love with him now, there’s still this connection.  
  
That night, Steve barely sleeps. Not because he feels bad or anything negative, quite the opposite. He is so happy he doesn’t want to miss out because who knows if he ever got this opportunity again? During the night, Sam abandoned his hand but he always managed to keep touching him anyway.  
  
Steve is focusing so much on him it’s easy to know when he wakes up, the initial confusion at first when his eyes flutter open.

  
  
“Have you even got any sleep?”

  
  
“I had a good night” Steve answers with calm, daring to give Sam’s arm across his body a light caress.

  
  
Dark eyes moves to the pale hand before they follow the arm, the shoulder, the neck, maybe the lips, Steve isn’t sure, then his eyes.  
It feels questioning, not toward him but toward Sam himself.

  
  
“What if I’m in love with your best friend?”

  
  
“Are you?”

  
  
“What if I am?” Sam insists, still just as physically close. “What if I don’t fall for you?”

  
  
What is Steve supposed to answer? Sam is here, now, he choose that. Yes he knows that maybe things won’t work out the same way at all but he isn’t hiding his intentions anymore.

  
  
“You know what I want, Sam and you know how I feel. I didn’t show you everything to force you to fall in love, I showed you to be fully honest and for you to understand what it would mean to me to have you by my side once more. You made me the luckiest man in the universe once, even if it was for a short moment, I want it again. Simple”

  
  
Sam sights, “I think I’ll make you suffer Steve. No matter what I do, it will hurt you. You feel me?”

  
  
“I’m in for the long run Sam, even if the first steps are hard”

  
  
Sam brings an hesitating hand on Steve’s jaw, gently giving the light subtle a scratch. Clearly, he is searching something in the contact but doesn’t say what. Anyway, he moves his hand away and walks out of bed, loudly complaining about the lack of breakfast.

* * *

  
  
They are not the first ones up, Wanda is on the phone with her brother, a cup of tea on the small table facing the couch. She waves at them when they pass in the living room on their way to the kitchen. Sam is ready to take the lead to feed them all but Steve decides that this is the occasion to impress him a little.  
Steve Rogers didn’t know how to cook, true, the first time at least. When he realized that Sam was the one for him, he decided to pick a skill that could be useful in bringing a smile on his boyfriend’s face and what’s better than cooking?  
It was either that or dancing and in Steve’s opinion, one of them was really easier than the other. The few steps he managed to learn, he fucked them up with they where at that bar with Vision and Daisy.  
  
Using his tactical mind and what he knows is still here, he puts himself to work under the amused and a little surprised eyes of Wanda and the careful one of Sam.

  
  
“Bucky says that you don’t know how to cook” she starts once she hangs up.

  
  
“Bucky says a lot of thing”

  
  
“Bucky says he’s hungry but if Steve is the one cooking, then he’ll have to order something”

  
  
The long haired man passes next to Sam to get inside the kitchen while Natasha follows him and starts looking at what Steve is doing.

  
  
“You don’t have to eat my food if you don’t want to” Steve comments, checking that it will all be done in ten minutes or so.

  
  
He needs to keep an eye on the stove so he only briefly turns his head toward his best friend to see him looking at Sam.  
  
“You slept with him last night”

  
  
The question makes Steve’s blood boil before he tries to calm himself and think that Bucky means actually sleeping and not something else, something private.

  
  
“I hope for you that you talking about sleeping Barnes,” Sam warms, having a similar train oh thoughts “otherwise we are going to have a problem”

  
  
Bucky pauses, looks at Natasha as if they talked about it recently, which they probably did, before turning back to Sam “Sorry. This whole thing is putting me on edge, doll”  
Sam sights and readies himself to leave the room but Bucky grabs his arm gently to make him turn to him again “Sam, can we talk?”

  
  
“If this is to end up with you not talking to me again, just go to that part, man” Sam answers bitterly “You’re not the only one confused right now”

  
  
“I know. I won’t act like an asshole, I promise”

  
  
Steve wants to say that breakfast is almost done, partially because he was talking with Sam before the other two barged in and because he is a bit anxious about that pair. For all the confidence he has about Sam and himself, he isn’t sure how to factor Bucky in it. He loves his best friend with all his heart but he will not share his husband, well, Sam isn’t his husband but the point still stands. Kind of. What if Sam wants them both?  
  
They leave the house and Steve focus on the task at hand. Eleven minutes later, everything is ready to be served and Sam comes back, Bucky right behind who put his head on his shoulder from behind and gets his arms around him.

  
  
“I’m huuuuungry Sammy”

  
  
Steve’s eyebrow shoot up and he gives Natasha a questioning look that she shrugs while taking the apple juice bottle from the fridge to put on the table. Wanda starts to help and Steve manages to catch Sam’s eyes, before he gently dislodge Bucky to push him toward the table.  
He is relieved to see that Sam is actually sitting next to Natasha on one side and let the empty seat for Steve next to him. Maybe that’s just luck but he jumps on the occasion with a big smile and sees Bucky looking at him with amusement. It’s hard not to think that he is plotting something or mocking him in some way, not because he believes that his best friend is purposely mean but he has to know what it means for Steve to see him all over Sam. Maybe they’ll have a conversation about that once Sam decides what he wants anyway, or maybe that won’t even be necessary.  
  
Apparently, his cooking skills are good enough and he gets praised by his friends in their own ways.

  
  
“I can not believe you made me eat these boiled sausage all this time and now you serve me gourmet shit” Bucky says, downing said sausage without even cutting it.

  
  
“Food taste different when cooked with love” Wanda explains, making Steve blush and Sam shake his head and roll his eyes at her with a "Girl please..." coming from the heart.

  
  
“On this topic,” Nat says “what about you two? Are you dating now?”

  
  
Well, that's certainly a way to ask. Steve didn’t want that pressure on him but there was no way Nat and Bucky wouldn’t have asked anyway so at least Sam doesn’t have to repeat himself if he choose to answer, which he does.

  
  
“No”

  
  
“Okay?”

  
  
“We will let you know if things change”

  
  
Natasha laughs “Yeah, if you marry again, I want to be there this time, just throwing that out there”

  
  
“If that happens again, who are you taking as best men? Because that would be tacky to choose Bucky” Wanda asks with a compassionate smile toward said man who seem caught up by surprise at the thought.

  
  
“What do you mean tacky? I just have doubled my chance at being the best man. They could both chose me”

  
  
“I don’t want to sound indelicate but...you kind of know one of the groom intimately and everyone here knows it so...”

  
  
“So? We are friends” Bucky defends himself.

  
  
“Are...You?”

  
  
“We are” Sam confirms “We just express that friendship in unconventional ways. You know what, let me be real for two seconds. I do love Bucky but I am also not In Love with him, you feel me? Yeah, we touch and stuff and as long as we both want it to work like that, we will keep on touching"

"Cheers to that" Bucky comments, raising a glass of water.

Sam nods then continue "I am not dating Steve and I still need to think about this whole thing, however...you know...it's, uh...interesting to have been married" his confidence is overshadowed by shyness and maybe pleasant surprise "So Steve, you don’t have to hide in your tea by the way, I’ll call you for diner or something later, if that’s good for you”

  
  
Steve moves his head from behind the mug he carefully held in front of his face, working hard to keep his victory scream inside. Okay, he could work with Bucky and Sam's relationship, probably, mmmh, yes, I can and he will. Still, he radiates happiness, they all could easily tell.

  
  
“Yeah. Perfect”

  
  
“Now Wilson, should I have the talk with you about not hurting my best friend or what?” Bucky adds with a lopsided smile.

  
  
“Man, shut the fuck up”

  
  
Bucky barks out a laugh, while Wanda hides hers by pretending to look through the window and muttering something about Bucky having to care about himself on that topic first.  
  
Steve doesn’t care, he will have a date with Sam and that's what matters.  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sex

Turns out, things aren’t exactly going Steve’s way, judging by the fact that their first official date (in this timeline) is cut short by a case of mind controlled rats swarming on the entirety of the 8th Avenue where Sam is taking him.  
It causes quite the panic and they call their respective team about it while they follow the rodents to the pied piper.  
  
The woman responsible for this is an ex Stark’s employee who got fired when her researches reached an “unethical” point.

  
  
“Unethical my ass. This guy kept his fortune by selling weapons!” Steve comments under his breath.

  
  
“Doesn’t mean we should let her control billions or rats in New York as she pleases ” Sam hisses because, and that’s something Steve didn’t know yet, he hates rats. He says he isn't scared of them but Steve has some doubts since he is clearly uncomfortable and tense as a arrow. That lair hidden in the sewer is full of halogen lamps that show every sweat droplets on Sam’s forehead.  
  
“We don’t have to fight,” Sam continues to her “Wait a minute, what the fuck is this?” He points to a corner of the lab where what looks like a giant rat...no, a rat man, is unconscious in a water filled tank. At least, Steve assumes that’s water. The monitor next to it shows stables vitals.

  
  
“Well...” she says, her glasses slipping from her nose as the shrugs nervously like a kid surprised with their hand in the cookie jar.

  
Sam is already calling Pietro “Oh hell no, Lady, we are not doing rat people invasion on this day”

  
  
If she has anything to say, it gets lost when Pietro runs in and attaches her in seconds.

  
“Is that your idea of a date Sam? I thought you got game” the speedster seriously asks, looking around at the body in the tank then the notes, the computer and the rats in the blink of an eye.

  
Sam shakes his head “Let’s just get this over with”

  
  
They bicker a bit about who exactly gets to arrest the deranged scientist but Shield wins only because Sam concedes that as someone who worked for Stark, it could possibly be bad image if the Avengers dealt with her.  
Needless to say that this kind of ruined any of the romantic ambiance Steve worked hard to install at first.

  
  
“Hey, Steve” Sam calls softly while they leave to let their teams work. Steve turns to him, waiting for him to speak again “There’s something I want you to do if we got to try this”

  
  
“Sure?”

  
  
“I know I was the one to choose tonight but...don’t bring me somewhere we already gone before. I mean, you and him, I want things to be new for the both of us, as much as we can at least. When you look at me, I want you to actually look at me and not the image of someone who is gone”

Honestly, Steve is surprised they are having this conversation now. Seems like the kind of stuff you would bring before the actual date, good thing this restaurant wasn’t one of those.

“I get why you would do it," he continues "pulling every stops to make sure I only get the best with you but...It’s not realistic. It can only work if we are on the same page on this”

  
“I understand” Steve answers seriously, nodding along once. “I can’t pretend I don’t know you or what you like thought. I didn’t put a ring around that finger by being unobservant and inefficient”

  
  
Sam chuckles, pursing his lips a little but letting a fond look twinkle in his eyes “Deal”

  
  
“Besides,” Steve continues to get the mood in a lighter spirit “you’ll thank me one day, for knowing what you like and how you like it”

  
His smiles disappear, replaced with surprise and then fake annoyance, he tries to hit Steve in the shoulder “Rogers, I swear...”

  
Steve avoids his arm making Sam start to chase him until they are back outside on the street. The fresh air is a relied but it makes them more conscious of how the smell impregnated their clothes. Sam complains that he must be smelling extra bad and that getting this rat effluvia away from him is going to be a priority soon.

  
  
“I have an idea then” Steve says with a wink, proposing his hand for Sam to hold. He can feel the butterflies in his stomach when the other man smiles at him and takes it, even if they are in the middle of the street.

  
  
They end up at Steve’s place. Not the one at Shield’s HQ, no, the one in Brooklyn. A one bedroom affair that Steve is renovating for a little less than a year now.  
The pay at Shield is pretty decent and even if there's only one bedroom, it's not because of the place, he has the space to comfortably put at least another room if not two.  
It’s not exactly impersonal but there’s no point in making it feel like home, he feels. For him, home is where Sam is and even said so to him one time in the previous timeline. Back then, Sam had say that Steve was corny and assured later that them making love one minute after had nothing to do with that declaration. Sure.  
  
As a good host, Steve proposes for Sam to take a shower first while he washes their clothes.

  
  
“I’m not sure I should be staying that long...” Sam hesitates.

  
  
“Stay the night, it's kind of late anyway. I can take the couch if you want”

  
  
“Yeah, right, is that one of your tactics for me to sleep there and then say “No Steve, use your bed, wow we could really fit together in there, what a surprise”?”

  
  
Steve blushes, it wasn’t what he had in mind at all. The vision is funny though and if Sam wants to stay, he would be more than happy to allow him. “What I wanted to say is that I know a place real close that makes good ice cream. Maybe we could take a shower, grab some ice cream and maybe put a movie before calling it a night?”

  
  
“So when you say shower...”

  
  
“Not together. Jesus...I mean...technically...if you want to...”

  
  
Once again Sam laughs at him and maybe that’s wishful thinking but Steve believes he sort of considers the idea for a second.  
He can play it cool, he tells himself when he prepares another set of clothes for Sam. See, he is a gentleman and would never try to make him uncomfortable. In the meantime and despite his bad odor, he rushes to that ice cream shop, he grabs four reasonable flavors in individuals but not so reasonable sized pots.  
By the time he gets back, Sam is out of the shower, a large towel around his hips and the TV remote in one hand.  
  
They look at each other and Sam notices that, yeah, he just has that towel on him right now.

  
  
“You pretend you already saw me naked Steve, why are you gagging?”

  
  
“Because I’ll never get tired of it and you’re beautiful” Steve admits easily, unashamed, eyes still on Sam with a different kind of hunger in them before shaking himself to put the ice cream in the fridge.

  
  
He must get quite comfortable with the idea because he just put the remote down on the back of the couch, chuckles to himself and goes back to the bathroom to put regular clothes without hurry, not that the too tight tee and ridiculously adjusted short makes any of Steve’s inner turmoils easier.  
  
Now, Steve and Sam have different builds, this short who is perfectly fine on Steve is quite an eye candy on Sam, letting picture perfectly what the goodies looks like under them.

  
  
“Going to the shower” Steve announces because he needs some water on him right now, he feels hot and he is suddenly very self conscious too.

  
  
He goes frantic in the bathroom, making sure he is clean and smells good **everywhere** , just in case. After everything, putting some conscious efforts in his appearance to something as mundane as eating ice cream with someone could feel ridiculous but Steve remembers. He remembers what he felt in the Raft and during that time after he learned about Sam. Eating ice cream with him is more than he could have ever asked for.  
  
This ridiculously low tank top barely covering his nipples? On. Fresh satin underwear that he would have never bought before knowing Sam? Motherfucking On. The last drop of perfume sample he knows is exactly the type Sam’s like? It may be cheating but he empties it on him.  
  
When he appears, pretending to be casual about it, he can see Sam zeroing on him from head to toe and does notice the hand he discreetly put above his short to hide whatever is going on.  
  
 **Ô sweet victory, I’m singing your name**.

  
  
Of course he wants to tease his, hopefully future boyfriend, about it with his “Want to come see the flavors I got?”

  
  
Sam looks at him and knows. He knows Steve knows and Steve knows that Sam knows that he knows.

  
  
“Tell me from here man”

  
  
“You sure?”

  
  
“Steve, you are so annoying”

  
  
“Am I? What’s the matter Sammy?” He asks, coming closer just to make Sam keep his hand in place.

  
  
“The ice cream...”

  
  
“Can I have a kiss?”

  
  
Sam blinks one time, looks away then back at Steve. “You are pushing your luck”

  
  
“I know when to back down” Steve assures him. He is confident, yes, but not to the point of taking Sam for granted.

  
  
“If I say no?”

  
  
Steve smiles “Then you still get Ice cream”

  
  
He pulls himself from the couch but Sam’s hand finds his neck and without another word, kisses him. Is that the sound of angels he can hear? Steve is sure. He only takes what Sam is willing to give but even this short press of lips is nothing but divine in nature.

  
  
“Smells good Rogers”

  
  
“Can I have another one, please?”

  
  
“I’m here for the ice cream, not for your soft lips” he teases, going back to Netflix like it’s nothing.

  
  
All Steve knows is that Sam said he has soft lips. This happiness, he wants to savor it as long as he can.  
  
They end up testing all the flavors and Sam puts on a parody of several horrors films that Steve never saw anyway. Still, Sam is laughing and rooting for a character named Brenda and Steve is just basking in his own happiness right now so everything is perfect, even more so when Sam let his hand fall on him when he laughs or after, not quite caressing him but there, solid.  
  
Sam ends up going back home in a uber. Steve at first is quite disconcerted by the sudden decision until he explains his reason.

  
  
“We are not ready to have sex and I can feel where this is going. If I sleep here tonight, I’ll try something and you will let me because you want it too”

  
Steve nods of course because this admission alone is worth so much that suddenly, it doesn’t matter.  
His clothes aren’t dry so he takes some more from Steve that at least give him the impression to be appropriately dressed to walk outside (the shoes doesn’t go with the rest of the outfit and neither does the vest).  
  
Sam kisses him goodnight when he leaves, just as sweet as the previous time and Steve melts into it, conscious of how eager he must appears. Well, seems like Sam made the right call after all.  
  


* * *

  
  
Sam Wilson isn’t in love with Steve Rogers but he can see how that happened and he likes to be around the guy, therefore, the possibilities of him feeling more than friendship and lust starts to slowly tip from impossible to "This is an interesting idea". He won’t say that to Steve however because he knows he is waiting and is full of hope but he doesn’t want to lead him on.  
  
Two months and a half in and they saw each other four times total, two of them were work related context.  
  
Things are good, Sam takes his time to get to know him. It’s important for him to really get who Steve is past the hurt, the trauma and this iron sense of duty.   
Any other person, he would just be chill and let things roll without any plan but this is different. If he dates Steve, chances are it would actually work, like, really work. It also means he’ll have to address two relationships in his own life one way or another.  
  


First is with Tony.  
  
Tony Stark who killed him in another reality over his best friend being hurt and his desire to stop Steve and Bucky. Tony Stark who killed Bucky and threw Steve in prison.  
  
Now, Sam believes that Tony actually has very little morals and could easily go full villain at any given moment. Why? Because Tony, in the name of science or because of his ego, does really questionable things, starting with wanting to put the wings inside him. Yeah, his little jetpack and wings weren't fancy enough for Tony who seriously gave him a lecture several times on how he could basically fuse Sam with wings. Sam had politely said "No, thank you" but you could tell Tony heard a "no" and immediately thought "I need to try another approach".

Even without that, what about selling weapons to country knowing damn well they would end as chaos instrument somewhere, if not used to kill other Americans?  
  
Tony created a dangerous virus who wanted to wipe out humanity and still managed to stole two of Tony’s armors.  
The only reason it got stopped without any casualties is because of Shield, Vision and Wanda which is something that played in his advantage during his trial. See, the government didn’t like to have a super virus that could have ended humanity but since it got stopped less than three hours after its creation, no harm, no foul.  
Tony would have walked free of this one with barely a slap on his wrist if he hadn’t been a bit too zealous by trying to incriminate Fury into his mess for negligence over the infinity stone in his possession.  
  
Turns out, Tony has a lot of connections but Fury's are more efficient so Stark loose this battle, hard. It doesn’t send him in prison thought, Pepper and Rhodey helps about that, so here is is, shiny and new around the Avengers.  
  
One of the things Sam has a problem with is his relationship with Peter. This is a teenager who lost his parents and while he loves his aunt May, he clearly worships Tony to the point of being blind to his shortcomings. Sam tries to talk to him, he tries to make him understand that no, Tony isn’t perfect and doesn’t have all the answers. The conversation ends up with Peter accusing Sam of being jealous and bitter. They were never close, never anything more than distant colleagues and it still hurts, not because it’s false but because Peter’s eagerness to please Tony may turn bad one day. Outside of Bucky and Wanda, the others seems to have no fundamental problems with Peter's attitude.

  
The second relationships impacted by starting to see Steve is the one with Bucky.  
  
At first, he thinks they are back to being friends, or more exactly, that they are finally friends in the sense most people think about. Bucky talks about Natasha or eventually someone else and Sam doesn’t talk about Steve because he thinks it’s weird. That extra spark between them is still there, that’s the annoying part in his opinion.

  
  
It was only a matter of time before it blew in their faces.

  
  
Sam saw Bucky getting hit by this “demon” dude. They all know exactly what it does and how it acts, having dealt with Wanda and Rhodey already.  
Because Wanda has no real hidden feelings she just left to go see Vision and wouldn’t leave his side. She may or may not have talked about getting Vision a human body and that was his clue that something was wrong.  
  
Rhodey...Rhodey has this huge fight with Tony and when he tries to leave, Tony locks them both in his penthouse for three days straight. No one knows exactly what happens between them but Sam recognize a hickey when he sees one and, yeah, Tony managed the quite impressive feat of giving Rhodey a visible hickey on his dark skin. More shocking is Rhodey not covering it up.  
  
So when Bucky shows up at his place with a bottle of vodka and that devilish grin of his, Sam believes he is ready for whatever this is. They are both aware of where this sudden need to confront things is coming from.

  
  
“Just because you were married in another life, doesn’t mean you can’t love someone else Wilson”

  
  
“I agree with that”

  
  
They are halfway down the vodka, Sam is drinking it alternatively with orange or apple juice while Bucky doesn’t even cut it.  
That couch is starting to feel small.

  
  
“If you absolutely want to be married, you should ask me”

  
  
Sam laughs loudly in sheer disbelief “You wouldn’t even date me! That’s the demon’s influence talking dude”

  
  
“I would have tried for you. Stop laughing, I’m serious”

  
  
“Sure. Let’s have this conversation again tomorrow and see how you feel about...”

  
  
Bucky’s kiss is saying thing Sam wanted to hear at one point of his life. The way he carefully touches his cheek and sit on his lap, stops to look at him with shiny eyes and shy smile...it’s a dream, a beautiful one, but a dream nonetheless.

  
  
“I don’t want to lose you, even to him”

  
  
“I know you mean well Buck, but you already made your choice and I made mine too”

  
  
“You only date him because I said no and his bullshit time travelling!”

  
  
It stings, god it stings, and Bucky is starting to cry. Sam allows the next kiss, and the following one, more heated. Part of him is ready to surrender, let Bucky claim him but another part is not okay with this. Steve is not Bucky’s replacement, no matter how it appears, he makes sure of it. He tries hard to get to know Steve and develop a genuine link between them, why would he waste everything for someone that will never love him the way he wants?  
  
He puts a hand on Bucky’s chest just as he starts to try to get Sam’s shirt off.

  
  
“I was scared you were right before, that my feelings were misguided or some kind of default , but I don’t believe that’s the case. I don’t want to think that you are only saying this because you think I’m your toy and you don’t want to share it, Bucky...”

  
  
“I am not!”

  
  
“Then prove me wrong. Let’s stop this, okay? I love you Buck, I really do, but we can’t go back to that. I have feelings for him, real feeings okay? And he is your best friend, it should mean something”  
It’s clear that Bucky is about to go into arguing mode so Sam put his hand on his neck then slips it to his cheek to calm him.  
“Come on” he implores, their heart beating so fast and loud it hurts.

  
  
Bucky gets up, blinks a few times then leaves the apartment.

  
  
Before he can change his mind, Sam calls Steve, draining the last of his glass when the blond man answers “Hey, Steve...where are you?”  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Telling the truth doesn’t make you feel better, especially when it involves kissing your...something’s (date? boyfriend? future husband?) best friend.  
  
Steve gets out from his chair and walks to the window in his living room. It’s nearly midnight and the streets are full of lights as always. Sam arrived at Steve’s place ten minutes ago and just blurted out the truth without any sugarcoating whatsoever.

  
  
“So what now?”

  
  
“I care about him, Steve, but even under the influence of this demon, it was nothing I haven’t already heard or thought. And yeah, there’s a physical attraction but that’s not what I’m looking for”  
It’s not something Steve wants to hear but in Sam’s opinion, he needs to be honest, that’s the least he deserves.  
“I took things slow with you because our situation is unknown territory for me, but the more I am around you, the harder it gets not to see myself with you”

  
  
“You are killing me here, Sammy” the blond answers with a broken voice.

  
  
Slowly as to let Steve know his intentions, Sam takes his hand and starts caressing his palm. Steve closes his eyes and let Sam pull him into his embrace. The time traveler is pliant under Sam’s body, letting him take everything he has to give. Their first time, initially, wasn’t anything like this. It had happened after raiding a Hydra base and Steve still had at least two bullets in him but he would have been damned if he let the opportunity pass, again. It was more of a “I am glad you are alive” thing than anything else.

Here, this is very different. Sam kisses him and explore his body as if he needs to make sure Steve knows with absolute certainty that he loves him, even if he isn't ready to say it. One by one, their clothes fall on the ground and when Sam looks at his dick, he is already painfully hard. On his knees like this, you could think he was praying but surely, that prayer wouldn’t be allowed in a church.

Sam licks and sucks like this is the tastiest thing to ever grace his lips and Steve isn’t proud to say that he is going to come if Sam doesn’t stop only after a few minutes of this administration.

“So?” Sam questions, sucking with renewed fervor, one hand on his ass, the other on his hip to steady himself.

“Sammy, fuck, Sam…”

The first stream is like an electric discharge running through his whole body. He thought Sam would let go as, for all he knows, he never been quite big on the swallowing part, and yet, he doesn’t and suck Steve dries to the point of his body almost convulsing at this sweet oral torture.

When Sam decides that Steve had enough of that, he makes him turn, arms against the wall, spreads his legs and engulf his head right into Steve’s ass who never felt quite at ease with this despite already knowing how much of an ass man Sam is. The thing is, Sam is quite good with his tongue, attacking the hole relentlessly with a mix of saliva and Steve's own cum until he can fuck him with it. The other man is moaning, head half on the wall, half on the window, the mix of mortification, shock and excitation attacking his cock until it rise again almost painfully.

“Spread it for me” Sam commands, so Steve does, a bit ashamed of himself as if he wasn’t already leaking again.

He can’t hide his pleasure and Sam is very observant. The finger enters easily only because of the preparation and when the come and go movement starts, Sam grabs his revitalizing cock to suck it from the back. Steve chocks on air hoping somehow that his body isn’t going to betray him one way or another. After all, getting his ass played with has not been on the menu until a few minutes earlier. Whatever the answer is, Sam isn’t phased by it because he tells him to stay like that and then run to his coat.

“You got lube?”

“Y-yeah, uh, in the bedroom, near the bed”

Sam does as quick as he can but the wait his agonizing, it’s worth it however because Sam eat his ass again while putting the condom on his engorged member.

“Ready?”

“Yeah but slow, it’s been a long time…”

“How long?”

“Since you”

“Fuck, really? You never had sex after me?” Sam asks in shock.

Steve closes his eyes, the sensation making it hard to get into this conversation “I fucked people, never let anyone fuck me” Just as he lets the words out, the head is inside and it will never fail to make Steve pause in surprise, his breath short. He can feel Sam caress his ass slowly, waiting for him to feel comfortable to move however at this point, he needs Sam to start by himself because his body isn’t immediately on board but there’s no way he is stopping anyway. “Slowly…”

Sam is careful and so tender, kissing Steve’s neck and biting him playfully as he goes as deep as he can then starts to pull out just as slowly. When he notices Steve chasing after him and pushing his pale ass back, he change the angle to move with more velocity, picking up a medium pace that is suitable for both of them at the moment. He takes multiple tempo, fast, medium, slow, medium, slow, fast, a song Steve doesn’t know and still follows anyway, an ecstasy building in, not only from the sex but also their mutual feelings.

He can feel himself getting close, so he grabs Steve’s dick with one hand, then his nipple with the other, and jerk him off while he keeps fucking him. He feels hard as hell in his hand, and Steve whispers some “fuck me” that goes right to his own body.

“I’m going to cum” he warns, and Steve, all red in the face and hair wet against his forehead almost purrs against the cool window as he actually comes again before him and it sends Sam over the edge, barely able to keep balance as a delectable dizziness forces him out to take his breath and makes Steve let a whimper he probably hasn’t intended to let go past his lips.

Condom still on his dick, Sam sits on the floor and laughs like champagne bubbles “Man, that was…” his eyelids are heavy and it still manage to be flirty, dirty and smooth all at once.

Steve goes to him and kisses him, going from standing up to on his knees to laying on top of Sam in a matter of seconds.

“Just so you know, I’m staying the night” Sam announces, voice thick like honey and as warm as sand under the sun.

“You can stay for as long as you want”

Sam caresses Steve back as he considers the offer “You are serious”

“Yes”

_Of course he is_ , Sam reminds himself, _we were married_ and since there’s nothing stopping him from walking this path, he may even end up accepting it again, one day.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : Sex

* _Four months later_ *

Moving out of the tower, as Sam suspected, isn’t going to be easy.

“What do you mean you’re going to move out " _eventually_ "? We all live here” Rhodey asks, frowning at the sudden decision and eyeing Redwings playing with a pen on his desk.

“Actually, I’m leaving too” Wanda announces then “been thinking about it for a while. Besides, I think I need a break”

Rhodey isn’t remotely done with what Sam just said, now he has to deal with Wanda too “Wait, what?”

“I don’t want to add salt to the injury…” Bucky starts.

“Yeah, I get the idea Barnes” Rhodey cuts, looking at him, then Wanda and finally Sam, resting his eyes for a longer period of time on him “It wouldn’t have to do with that new boyfriend of yours?”

Sam’s face harden, this isn’t something he shared with Rhodey, let alone Tony who is sitting in a corner of the room, pretending to be bored out of his mind only to perk up at the mention of the word “boyfriend”.

“You have a boyfriend now? Who is he? We haven’t even been introduced, Wilson, you wound us”

Next to him, Bucky and Wanda both look at each other, shaking their head slightly because they know how messed up that would be. However, all they can do is pray this isn’t something Tony is going to take any kind of interest in and. But, hey, he barely shown any interest in Sam as a person since they work together, there’s no reason this should change.

This is without factoring Rhodey who does not intend to let go this easily “Rogers. Steve Rogers. Came to me a while ago to talk about Barnes. He’s a shield agent, the one in charge when they came for your android son. Also, Captain America”

“Hitler youth poster child? The original?”

It makes Sam blood boil and he isn’t the only one. This is the term you would use to qualify a man possibly dating your co worker? Come on.

“Is this because I said this Edith thing is shit? That’s why you mad Rhod’?”

“Nah, I’m mad because some of you knew about a certain Thanos and didn’t thought it would be nice to share the info”

Ah, well, Sam clearly hadn’t put the pieces in the right order this time “Because Shield is already taking care of it”

“Who made them the authority on this? I heard this alien guy has a whole army, what is going to happen if he comes here? Hadn't one of his generals been there already?”

Sam shrugs, keeping his calm “Then go talk to Furry. He’s their boss, not me. Wait a second, that’s why you developed Edith, now this make sense” Sam realizes "You already knew about him"

“Umh, excuse me,” Peter says, “What exactly is Edith?”

“Drones that will avoid useless life cost” Tony explains.

“You mean drones that will only respond to you on paper but may or may not be hackable by a third party? Said party will then have access not only to this drone army but also to you” Bucky says right after, agreeing with Sam that this weapon is way too dangerous and Stark is not exactly who you who call the "right hands".

Tony just smiles, not annoyed in the least “It’s not finished yet”

“Seems like a good idea actually” Peter chimes in, earning him a direct smile of approval from his mentor. You can tell he feels proud.

“Of course you do, he could take a shit and you would worship it like it was solid gold” Sam mocks him, starting to get irritated. Before Peter can react, and Lord’s know he would have, Sam continues “Listen, I am just warning you that I’m going to live somewhere else, not tomorrow, but soon, probably, I am not asking for permission, just in case that wasn’t clear”

“You start seeing this guy then suddenly you move out. Next you are going to work for Shield” Rhodey predicts and Sam rolls his eyes before walking out of the room, Wanda and Bucky right behind.

* * *

Keeping his private and work life separate is a full time job, one Sam takes very seriously and he needs it for his own sanity. It's hard, because Steve is working for the concurrence and this is why noticing that one _fake agent_ during a mission immediately annoys him.

“How did **you** get there?!” Sam whispers furiously as he bring Steve near the jet and far away from the team once the mission is done “Are you crazy? Tony and Rhodey could have accidentally killed you in there! **Without even knowing it** ”

“First of all, they could have killed **you** , and if it hadn’t been for me, they would have. What you are looking for may be a thank you, Sam” Steve whispers in the same manner, he told Sam repeatedly to be careful and his boyfriend just ignored his advises right in front of his eyes.

“A thank-?! A thank you?! Redwings had my back and this platform crashed because your ass wasn’t supposed to be there. Which brings me back to my first question, how did you get there in the first place, **Steven**?”

Only then Steve’s iron attitude changes, eyes running away for just a second “I asked Nat to make a copy of Bucky’s access, just in case and he helped me sneak on the plane”

Sam’s eyebrow went up, then down, then up again but with the addition of his mouth forming a perfect “o” of surprise.

“You get your ass in that jet right now Rogers and you better keep that pretty mouth of yours shut until we are back in New York”

“Come on…”

“Shh!” Sam says, putting a finger in front of his lips.

“But Sammy…”

“ **SHHHH** ” he aggressively points the plane. The second Steve sights and starts moving, Sam turns his head to localize the one he is now looking for. There, next to the medical team, talking to Rhodey. “ **BUCHANAN** ” he shouts, managing to be so loud even a semi unconscious agent looks at him.

They say Bucky has a murder walk but they never saw Sam Wilson when he had beef with you. Still, Bucky squares up to no effect on the black man almost colliding with him. Sam has no word, all of his communication is through grunts, facial expression and hand movement.

“I think he means that he is this close to kill you” Rhodey explains “Guess I should leave…”. He quickly walks away before Sam remembers that he did tell all of them to wait for the assault and they all ignored him.

“To my defense,” Bucky tries, “He was supposed to help without you finding out. Don’t look at me like that, you know how annoying he gets when it comes to you. Okay, okay, I shouldn’t…Jesus Sam, would you calm down? Oh…Okay I’ll just shut up now”

All of this, without Sam saying a single word and with Redwings adding rude gesture to mimic his human friend.

When everyone is ready to leave, Sam could have sat near Rhodey or even near the pilot but he put his ass right between Steve and Bucky, because Steve couldn't be bothered to hide correctly apparently.

“Soooo,” Tony starts “We haven’t been properly introduced, I’m Tony Stark”. He proposes his hand to shake and Steve tenses next to Sam who starts bouncing his legs, giving a warning look to Tony not to start some shit. He gets even more pissed because both Steve and Bucky should have known that there was a chance the two would met, something none of the three men wanted. Here, in this jet they’ll have to fly for a little less than an hour, the armored duo have the perfect occasion to get what Sam denied them earlier.

It isn’t about him, per say, but it’s like everyone decided to be annoying at the same time so he does the only thing he believes will prevent anyone from doing the most and lays shamefully on both Steve for the top half of his body and Bucky for the lower half.

“I need to sleep so please…don’t even”

“Is this supposed to keep us from talking somehow?” he hears Tony ask Rhodey who sights and moves away, followed by his disappointed boyfriend closely.

It's a small victory but it's a victory nonetheless so Sam will take it.

“Good job Wilson”

“You won’t butter your way out of this Barnes, I"m warning you”

‘It was worth the try” he huffs.

Steve starts to pet his hair, Sam wants to slap his dirty hand away but he does actually enjoy the crane massage this is changing into, he would have had to take a shower anyway. When they arrive, he is marginally in better spirit, but just marginally. Without a beat, he takes Steve with him to the nearest available car so he can drive them to his place.

“Are you still mad?”

“Yes. I am. You can’t meddle with my missions just because they are dangerous. This isn’t how it works”

Steve put his head against the window, they will be home soon “I don’t trust anyone else to protect you”

“Well, you better learn to trust me to take care of myself. I ain’t joking, dude”

With a quick look at his boyfriend, Sam can see his jaw grind. He really doesn’t think he is in the wrong in the slightest. The two of them are still dead set on their position when they get inside Steve's apartment.

Sam prepares food for Redwings (today he wants fruits for some reasons) then starts to undress, noticing that Steve had the same idea and is already walking to the bathroom.

Well, there’s no reason he can go into the bathroom too since they installed a brand new double Italian shower. They both start back to back, the shower spacious enough to let space between the two bodies. The water feels so good on Sam skin he put his head against the wall and forgets himself in the moment. With a distracted hand, he looks for the soap but there’s none on his side. Great. He has to turn and Steve is currently making sure he has soap from head to toe which…is quite the view, he can’t lie.

He notices that Sam is watching and slow down his movement while still wearing that raised eyebrow slash pout combo like a petulant child. Sam hopes he gets soap in his eyes just to teach him a lesson.

“Yeah?”

“Can I have the soap, please?”

“I don’t know. Can you?” Steve answers, slightly moving to reveal the bottle behind him.

Sam roll his eyes and reaches for it but Steve is purposely putting his body close enough that he has to touch him on his move back. Keeping the same energy, Sam put some of the soap in his hands and turns back to do his thing but he can feel Steve’s eyes on him with clear intensity so he pretends he wants to turn anyway, two can play that game…

…And he loses.

His dick betrays him almost immediately, getting rigid like a freaking metal bar right in direction of Steve. It doesn’t mean that Sam is ready to accept defeat so he turns again, one more time and they’ll have to call him Beyblade.

He really, really wants to play hard to get, but when Steve’s arm closes around his waist and kisses his neck, Sam just melt. He is still mad, don’t get him wrong, but what is he supposed to do? Say no? Pff, no, he loves Steve's embrace way too much.

Steve gently grabs Sam’s cock and slowly caresses him while kissing him repeatedly from his neck to his shoulder. The water falling on them is warm but Steve is hotter against his skin and when he bites his ass with just the right amount of pressure, Sam gasps. An interesting thing about Steve is that while he still isn’t comfortable with getting his ass eaten, he does love to do it to Sam and because he is really good at it, Sam could forgive him anything right now, almost.

“I know I’m too much sometime. I’m sorry. Just can’t handle the idea of losing you again”

“Man, you were just…can we talk about it later? Christ”

“Less talking, more licking”

And yeah, Steve puts his mouth and the rest of his body to good use. The fact that he manages to make Sam allow him to fuck him without rushing out of the shower for some lube is a testament to their chemistry and how much Sam wants it, discomfort at the beginning be damned. Still, he has to stop Steve mid-way for a moment.

“Damn, Steve…okay, okay, stay like this” he directs, starting to move his ass back and forth slowly until he feels more confident, then they meet in the middle, making love with the water still pouring above their head.

When Sam wants more, Steve takes the lead, galvanized by his lover’s moans alternating between fast enough to have his balls slap against Sam’s perineum and slow when he almost gets out before plunging deep inside. Sam has no choice but to put his hands on the wall if he doesn’t want his body to smash against it. Luckily, his boyfriend prefers for him to cum first, no matter the position, so Steve grabs his dick again and wanks him off with demonic accuracy, sending waves of pleasure in Sam who starts to have his leg almost shaking. He doesn’t need to tell him when he is close, Steve can already tell and goes faster and deeper until Sam can barely breathe through his orgasm. Before it’s over, Steve is coming too, filling Sam in a way he loves to do. Steve also lives for this suspended moment when they are all-blissed out and try to go back to the here and now, the way Sam moans, somewhat complainant and relieved at the same time as Steve fully goes out never fails to make him smile proudly.

After rinsing themselves, Sam has forgotten he was mad in the first place, getting in a bathrobe with his boyfriend before sitting on the couch for some quiet time together in front of the TV. It’s half in an episode of a show about small houses that he remembers the stunt Steve pulled out. He jerks away from his boyfriend and glares at him, getting a surprised and questioning stare in return. Finally, he decides to let go of it, at least for now, and resume his position of lying in Steve’s lap to look at the TV. He can tell Steve is smiling so he hit his tight in retaliation.

“What was that for?” Steve says indignantly, the smile managing to be heard in his voice too.

“You know exactly what you did”

“Can I still have a kiss?”

Sam does kiss him and it shifts his annoyance from Steve to himself, he really got it bad for him, uh? When did he went from “Okay, let’s try but I am not promising anything” to “Even when I’m mad, I want him close”? He really is doomed, isn’t he?

* * *

It’s been quite some time since Sam and Bucky did anything just the two of them without any external forces involved. They see each other, but always when other people are around. It’s not exactly a conscious decision, more like circumstances repeating just often enough not to be noticed. Bucky mentions it first, seemingly out of nowhere right before a meeting, asking Sam out for lunch to which Sam accepts while being quite distracted by something Pietro is saying.

It means that he feels like a dumbass at the end of said meeting when he has to ask Bucky about it after having spent the last two hours wondering if he dreamed the interaction or not.

“I asked, and you said yes” Bucky answers, just a tad bit defensive as if he believes that Sam is about to change his mind.

Sam lift his arms in surrender and follows him to his motorcycle before they ride to his own new place out of the Avengers Tower. There’s no way Bucky would drive half an hour in traffic just to eat with him without ulterior movies, Sam thinks, but for now, he decides to wait and see.

No takeout today, Bucky is cooking and had already prepared some things, visibly prior to knowing if Sam would be free or not. The conversation feels natural even if there’s still some weird tension, maybe not flirting but not that far, from time to time. It’s not that Sam actively thinks that he wants Bucky, this is over, but there’s some sort of remnant of it, something comfortable maybe. Apparently, it’s just how they are together so Sam better be careful before Steve thinks there’s more to it.

The main dish is baked ziti, something Sam know Bucky loves. He doesn’t really pay attention to what he eats to be honest because he starts wondering if he isn’t just a bit paranoiac, waiting for something weird to happen while Bucky talks animatedly about a movie he saw. Sam starts to relax when they reach the desert, joking that Bucky is really outdoing himself today, which makes him pinker in the face. He may not have been really paying attention to the pasta but these papanasi with sour cherry jam? It really can't be ignored.

“Mmmmh, dude, okay, this is sexual, this is pornographic. Don’t give these to the children. Rated X!” Sam rolled his eyes at the texture, experiencing some serious culinary orgasm when Bucky spoke again.

“I’m going serious with Nat”

Sam can feel a bit of food stuck in his throat, he tries to put his spoon gently on the table but it looks more like he throws it on it and it falls from the table.

“I knew it, I fucking knew it. You invited me here for this? Fuck that shit”

“Yes. I did. Can we talk about it?”

“To say what? It’s none of my business”

“Really? You don’t care at all?”

Sam throws his hands in the air “What do you mean I don’t care? I care that you are happy, so, are you?”

“Are **you**?”

“We are not doing this again” Sam says, giving up on the tasty unfinished dessert. He is already grabbing his coat when Bucky stops him.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…virtually, I have what I wanted, we are both in a great relationship and I don’t want to change that but…This thing between us? I don’t know how to turn it off. It’s not love, it’s not just lust and it’s not just friendship. I don’t get it”

Sam sights, trying to find an answer but coming short initially. Well, maybe that is his response “Maybe we can’t, but we deal with it and we do it without hurting them”

He believes in that. There has to be a way for them to be friends without fearing that they may messed up together somewhere down the line. The hand Bucky used to hold his arm moves to his hand slowly, they tangles their fingers for a second before letting go. After a moment of silence between them, Bucky says that he should finish his food and Sam agrees. It may be weird between them but they have to make it work somehow.

* * *

Steve hears that Thanos’s daughters killed him when he tried to go for the soul stone. According to Thor, he had warned Gamora and Nebula a long time ago when Steve told him about what happened the first time so while they didn’t seem receptive at first, they were definitely ready for it. Now, the titan’s body is deep down one of this planet’s ravine and since neither Gamora or Nebula loved him, the stone is still there too.

Thor is a little bit disappointed that there wasn’t any battle but what Steve wants to ask is what is going to happen to his army and the planets he subdued. He really hopes he can trust the siblings because he doesn’t know them all that much outside of a little time with Nebula.

It does lift a weight on his shoulders, he notices, even if someone could still go after the stones one day.

“You look happy” Sam says after that eventful day when they are home together. Steve lays on him obnoxiously just to have his head above Sam’s heart.

“I am”

Sam pets his hair and Steve soaks in the feeling. He needs this to be burned in his mind just in case he can’t do it anymore one day. It may seem like a grim idea but after what he went through, he thinks it’s okay.

He lifts his head then his whole upper body so he can kiss his boyfriend. Just because he can, and because he will never be tired of Sam, he leads this to something more intense. He wants to make love to Sam the way he deserves, make his whole world just Steve the way Sam makes Steve’s world just him. Sam has that sound he does, half giggle half moaning, something intimate that caresses his heart deliciously while he applies a different type of caress to Sam's body.

“What’s that for?” Sam asks, far from complaining, as Steve licks the head of his dick with unconcealed adoration.

“Because I love you”

Sam doesn’t need to say it back in this instant because he tattoos it inside Steve with each kiss, bites, caresses and thrusts in and out of him. Steve will never get enough of drinking his orgasm with a kiss while Sam releases himself either on or in him.

When Sam plays with Steve's body right after, wondering how he is going to make him cum, he looks so beautiful, Steve thinks. He always look beautiful, but right there, this is one of his favorites. Steve sits in between Sam’s legs, gets right against him despite having cum on his back, and lets him pump him while kissing and sucking his earlobe. He can feel Sam’s spent cock against him and he rolls his hips to feel it even more. His body shakes with his own orgasm and he closes his eyes, while resting his body against his lover, secured in his muscular arms.

“You put cum in my beer, Rogers”

“You drank worse”

“This is nasty nonetheless” Sam says, nipping at his neck one last time before playfully pushing him so he can go to the bathroom.

Steve is so bliss out by everything that he finally notices how he now genuinely believes that there’s a _tomorrow_ , that he can build something. He had lost hope about it when he lost Bucky and thought he would die in the Raft but here he is having fought his way out of his darker days. The feeling that everything can be taken from him again is right around the corner however, never keeping silent for long. Maybe it will always going to be like this, with the fear that something bad happens to the people close to him, that he won't be able to prevent that, but he still wants to try.

“It’s okay, I’m here” Sam whispers when they are in bed together, kissing the top of his head and knowing his boyfriend is thinking too much.

Steve has nothing to say so he hugs the man of his life tighter, just in case.

* * *

How to manage the fact that your best friend (Bucky), who is dating one your closest friend (Natasha), has weird feelings toward your boyfriend (Sam)? That’s a question Steve tries to get an answer to. He is tries to find an answer for months.

Sam has been honest and open from the start, that’s true, but Steve never talked about it with Bucky or with Natasha. Among the two, going to the redhead feels like the easier solution since she is in the closest position from his.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to Bucky about it, in fact, he barely can keep his mouth shut when he notices him looking at his boyfriend for a second too long, but it’s complicated to have that conversation without sounding too jealous and insecure, which he knows he totally is.

Growing up next to a man who turned women (and men) heads around was not easy on Steve’s ego but it never was that important, ultimately. He loved Bucky so much he did what he could to never let that go between them but when his best friend started to really court the dames and, worse, try to get Steve his own dates, it went worse. Steve was too much _this_ and not enough _that_ and added to this his complicated health, he truly believed back then that he would never see his twentieth birthday during his teen years, so finding someone wanting to stay with him was just out of the equation.

Becoming Captain America had changed things dramatically but Bucky never saw him as competition, even when the lady of the night looked at Steve rather than him. They never mattered all that much for Bucky anyway, he would just go to the next person wanting to feel less lonely for a few hours. When Peggy came in the picture, it flowed easily so in fact, they never had to “fight” over someone.

Who could have predicted, back then, that they would be “rival” in love for the affection of a man?

“You know, your problem is that you don’t understand that whatever is going on between them, Sam would never be happy with Bucky in a romantic relationship” Natasha says a few minutes in their conversation, laying on Steve’s couch with her drink still untouched. “Even if they were to fuck around, which I know they definitely stopped, it would be just sex”

Steve is by the window, only faintly hearing the city “Is this okay with you? Would it be okay if they fucked again?”

“He chose to be with me, so yes”

“That simple?”

“That simple, Rogers”

Well, in Steve’s mind, he isn’t sure he agrees with that but he knows he has to be careful, after all, he managed to go back in time, save both Bucky and Sam and get his sweetheart again to fall in love with him. It’s more than he could have ever hoped for so he doesn’t want to appear ungrateful. Having to worry about these kinds of things seems so trivial now when there was a time he thought he would die in a prison or on a battlefield against an alien army.

She gets off the couch, finally taking a sip of her Chardonnay and moves closer to Steve so she can see outside too “I love him so much, Nat. Sometimes…Sometimes, I still wonder if this isn’t purgatory or something. I know it’s dumb but…This is dumb, right?”

“It’s not. But you always give your all, real or not, so would it matter anyway?”

“No. Probably not” Steve says, “Thanks, for being here”

“Anytime”

* * *

It’s been a week since _the attack_.

Sam looks at the empty bodies of Rhodey and Pepper, their vitals are stable right now and they are more or less forced into sleep. More like an artificial coma. Tony left this morning, finally, eyes red, only eating when someone forced him to. Without them, Tony is incredibly lonely. It’s not something Sam just noticed now, it had been painfully obvious that this man does not know how to maintain any kind of real friendship over the years, but what he does notice is that his loneliness is getting dangerous for himself. Pepper and Rhodey balance Tony, they are, were, his light.

A sorcerer stole Pepper and Rhodey’s soul to bring to life a powerful demon, actually, he “killed” a hundred people for that at a charity event the duo unfortunately attended. Tony has mad survivor guilt since he should have been there but was “fashionably late” as usual.

The media has been talking about it non stop since, the CEO of Stark’s Industries as well as the leader of the Avengers are as good as dead, and that’s without mentioning the other wealthy and powerful that were attending the gala as well as those whose name doesn’t deserve the front page. Now that the general mourning seems to come to an end, the press starts pointing finger to find who is responsible beside, you know, the sorcerer who did it.

The thing is, Tony, Peter and Pietro already killed both the sorcerer and the demon. They did it that very same night, thinking that by doing so, the souls would be released and everyone would wake up. It did not worked that way, so now they are out of options.

If it hadn’t been enough, a body without a soul can easily become a vessel to all kind of beings, some good, some bad, some neither. It started the following day, one of the victims just “woke up” and went on with their new life under the shocked eyes of the dead’s family. Another one woke up and started a rampage in the hospital, which is the case that prompted all the dead to be put in an isolation chamber or to be cremated if the family choose so.

Sam gets an alert, another one of these walking dead has been spotted in Denver and this one proclaims to be Loki. When did Loki died? He calls Steve about it, hoping that he can get in touch with Thor or Lady Sif before warning the rest of the team. When Steve calls him back, it’s to inform him that Thor is going to handle it and wants to do it alone. It should have been, more or less, the end of the affair. Thor gets the vessel, checks if its his brother or not and decides what to do about it.

Right.

Here’s how this goes: When Thor arrives in Denver, there’s no human proclaiming to be his brother near the hospital the body comes from. When he asks around where he is, the only persons able to answer him are teens filming a Youtube video who explains that there was indeed an unhinged woman telling that she was Loki of Asgard but before the police could come, a very luxurious car stopped by her and after a few seconds, she walked inside. They have no idea who was in the car or where they went. Thor immediately contacts Shield to track the vehicle but it appears to have some sort of cloaking device that makes hard for it to be traced on cameras. By the time they find out who decided to be the vessel’s personal chauffeur, they are quite far away.

It takes the team an hour to figure out where they could be headed, calling Sam to check with Jarvis if Tony left anything they can use as a lead. The only connection Sam can make of it, is that Loki is back in a vessel while both Pepper and Rhodey became one, still empty for now. He wonders if Tony wants to maybe get their soul back, which was the whole point in killing the sorcerer and its creature. Loki isn’t known to have a lot of knowledge in souls manipulation however, and even less in being cooperative with earthlings.

“No, but he knows how to possibly get Tony what he wants” Thor says grimly. ”They are going on Vormir”

“Why?”

He takes a second to answer Natasha “The Soul Stone”

Thor, Natasha, Steve and Carol are on their way to the abandoned planet too and while Carol’s ship is fast, it’s not fast enough to catch them before the duo land. Learning that Loki had hidden a few ships around the world is something annoying that Shield will deal with later.

Thor had assured multiple times during the travel that Tony would not be able to get the stone anyway because you had to sacrifice a loved one and Tony…is short on that. It should have reassured them, but just as they land, they see an intense orange light from one of the crater. Steve does ask if humans can breathe there and Thor explains that this planet is sustainable for every lifeforms but has no idea on the “how”. Well, Steve isn’t thrilled by the answer but it seems to be accurate.

They find Loki, well, Loki in the human woman vessel and he (she?) seems nonplussed by the new arrival.

“This human thought he could outsmart the stone and it’s keeper. This would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic”

Here, a few feet away, a figure floats above the ground. While Thor starts asking if it’s really his brother and hug him after a "Unfortunately" much to Loki’s (fond) annoyance, Steve, Natasha and Carol gets closer to the figure, revealing to be none other than Tony Stark himself. It’s easy to see, however, that something happened to him, even without the whole floating thing.

“Are you here for the stone?” He questions, his tone emotionless.

“Tony?” Natasha asks back.

“Tony?” he repeats “Oh, the original owner of this body you mean”

Ah, not creepy at all.

“Who are you?” Carol wants to know, this is weird even for her, that's saying something.

“I’m him, but also the embodiment of everyone that has been sacrificed for the stone. I’m the guardian”

“So Tony…”

“Eh” he just says, pulling a face and a shrug inappropriately flippant.

They spend maybe an hour asking question about him, the place and the stone, careful not to let believe in any way that they are interested by it. When they leave, Steve has no words. For all the hate he had toward Tony Stark, being stuck as the guardian of one of the most powerful object in the universe is not what he wished for him. That said, from Tony’s own mouth, it’s his own arrogance and trickery that made him believe he could get the stone without giving up anything.

Steve feels guilty, almost as if he wished that fate on Tony and his loved ones, but this isn’t about him and he didn't, not like that. People make their own choices and he won’t be crying him, sure, but he won’t jump around in glee either.

Concerning the stone, apart from the randomness of the planet and the fact that it needs a sacrifice, there’s not a lot of defense mechanism to keep it away. The prospect of getting the stone first to hide it away is not one Steve is interested in, they’ll tell Fury and that will be it.

It doesn’t help their vessel problem at all, so they’ll have to find another solution, luckily, Loki is more than pressed to leave this body since he has no powers in them. Living as a human is, for him, one of the worst punishment possible so he vows to find a way to help himself (and others by extensions but this is not his primary goal).

Steve gives Thor a pointed look and it’s funny to see this big blond god goes through hoops to paint his brother in a favorable light.

As they take the ship back to Earth, Steve only hopes he never hear of that Infinity stone ever again.


	16. Chapter 16

_*Back on Earth*_

Having to explain what happened to Tony Stark is a mess, especially since they have to lie about it. For the general public, Tony Stark died as a hero, protecting Earth on a faraway planet.

Steve has to bite his tongue a lot during the following week, the taste of iron far too constant as he sees Tony becoming this martyr figure somehow. His…fans are something else, even among the political class. Someone even suggest a national holiday in his name. Steve can’t have migraines but he swears this overzealous behavior is hurting his brain. Maybe he is just petty because Tony did a lot of good things so yeah, in some ways, he is a hero, but he also did things that should send him straight to Hell.

Seeing Sam mourn Tony, as well as Pepper and Rhodey, is not easy. By the time they made it back to their home planet, Pepper has already been possessed and it arrives to Rhodey a week later. In the first case, by the tortured spirit of a woman who lost her family that they have to exorcised (thus putting Pepper’s body to rest for good), in the other, by the spirit of a vampire who finds a way to "turn" Rhodey before they catch him.

Sam and Bucky are the ones sent to deal with the situation but Sam can’t kill him, has to shot Bucky in the tight instead and Rhodey (or whoever) the new vampire is, escapes. With no surprise, Bucky is more than pissed so they fight, hard, and Sam knows he fucked up but he doesn't know how to explain himself to Bucky. That night, when Sam tries to hold back his tears on their couch and he says "I'm sorry", Steve knows he isn't saying that to him exactly but he will probably need a little more time before being able to say that directly to Bucky.

The Avengers dissolves, Wanda and Pietro decides to takes times for themselves, Bucky thinks about joining Shield and Peter...Peter is a mess.

After that, Sam takes a break from everything and everyone and goes on a solo trip abroad. It breaks Steve’s heart to see him like this but he respects his decision.

“It’s just too much…It’s…man, I don’t know. I need some air”

Steve had gave him a hug then, ready to support his boyfriend however he needed.

* * *

Until now, Steve has been careful not to talk to his best friend about Sam and, especially, their relationship now that Sam and him are official. He talks with Sam, it's not an issue on that front, but he also knows that there's something he just can't grasps about them, just like Natasha had noticed.

He hasn't recovered from Rhodey's loss and fighting with Bucky is the icing on the cake. Steve hopes he can smooth some angles by talking to his best friend. Every other aspect of their friendship is good, different from before of course, but different doesn't mean better or worse, except from when it involves Sam. They both tend to become defensive when they think the other one tries to attack them on something about him.

He invites Bucky for brunch, something Bucky laughs at. Steve would have laugh at it too but according to Natasha's theory, people never fight at brunch. It's a silly thing Steve never heard in his life before but it's worth the try he guesses. He doesn't feel like cooking so he use one of these "app" to deliver food and he does a double take on the price since Bucky and him and both heavy eaters

"I thought you would have given me the don't speak to my boyfriend pep' talk way sooner to be honest" Bucky says with a cocky smile, but seeing Steve's colder face makes him a little bit nervous.

"Why would I waste my time saying something like this when, clearly, you already decided to stop talking to him anyway?"

"If I say mind your business, will it work for once?"

"Do you consider that the relationship between my fiancee and my best friend isn't my business too?"

Bucky aggressively makes a sandwich and shove it down his mouth "You know," he chews again, let the whole thing pass down his throat "it's weird. I have to say it, it's just weird. I don't want to complain to you about your boyfriend, this isn't right"

"Of course it's weird," Steve chuckles, pushes the orange juice in Bucky's direction "but we are between people who care about each other. We can do better that pretend we don't know where we are all standing"

"He fucking shot me, Steve" Bucky complains then, the gates are open. "This little fucker, you know what I mean, this fucker shot me. It's not Rhodey anymore! He didn't even say sorry. Fuck him"

Steve looks at him stab a sausage with his fork for a few seconds "You seem big mad, Bro"

Bucky points his fork in his direction "First, stop, Second, I refuse to believe that Sam lets you talk like this"

"I have boyfriend privilege" Steve deadpans, than after he starts laughing "No, he really doesn't, all I have to do is talk in current slang and he gets so riled up..."

"Or when you bites in something crispy when he isn't eating anything himself"

They laugh together, starting to share the most ridiculous stories about Sam and then, Natasha. Steve remembers when they were younger, barely daring to make plans for the future, imagining how they could fit two family in the same house because they didn't want to leave each other. He always had the afterthought that he would probably die way before finding anyone interested in him but it was an idea nice enough that he wanted to entertain it.

Now, the idea of living with Bucky and Natasha seems kind of ridiculous but being able to be so open with his best friend about every aspect of his life is even more precious than their previous dream.

"You know, I genuinely thought that I would loose the two of you when I learned about your relationship," Steve admits when there's no more food on the table and they are both spread out lazily on the couch "I hated to think that our friendship would come to an end like this"

Bucky is pensive "Same here Pal. To be honest...I'm waiting for the moment one of you is going to cut ties. No one wants to hurt the others but," he takes a deep sight "it's bound to happen. I hope we can always find our way back"

That the thing, Steve agrees with him, he knows the fear, knows how he wants to believe that no matter what, they will be okay, but it's hard because it means that sometimes you have to roll with the punches. Just because he already lost everything doesn't mean that he will accept anything and everything anymore. Part of him still thinks he is selfish for not wanting to just..."share" Sam. This is something he goes back and forth with, unable to settle on one position only.

"All I know," he tries "is that no matter what happens, I will always, one way or another, try to find my way back to the two of you. I already experienced a life without you and that's not something I want to live again"

They fell into silence for a while, feelings they don't know what to do with still lingering under the surface. For now, it will have to work.

"So," Bucky starts, aiming for casual and funny but sounding just uncomfortable "are make up kisses crossing the line or not?"

Steve slowly turns his head to look at him, unable to know for sure if this is a joke or not. Their relationship will sure test him in more ways than one.

"Only on your birthday"

"For real?"

Steve just rolls his eyes.

* * *

When Sam comes back in New York, late at night, he goes back to the Avengers Tower and into what is still, technically, his place. There’s still a few beer in the fridge so he takes one, open it, and sit on a chair, his large windows are open. The only lights come from the electronic devices in the living room and the city from outside. He knows he isn’t okay, he should go talk to a therapist or someone else. His little time out of the country didn’t really help, he is still haunted by the recent deaths and with the imminent re-purpose of this tower after Shield cleans it thoroughly, he knows it's one of his last time here.

Redwings comes from the window, just as gloomy as his friend then perks up.

"What's up Red?"

Sound. Bedroom.

Is someone here? Sam wonders, carefully reaching for one of the weapons that still must be hidden around here. Stun gun in his right hand, he takes a few steps to come near his bedroom's door, not facing it just in case someone might shoot him through it. After Vision came to be, Tony left the new AI out of everyone's place, mainly because their number one reason for wanting to leave was to get more intimacy so Sam can't even check from outside who or what might be inside.

He pushes the door, Redwings soaring inside and Sam right after. Something hits the bird who immediately takes on whatever-this-is's property and attacks the intruder back.

"AHHHH!"

Wait, Sam knows this voice "Parker?"

He turns on the light, and between the window and the bed, there's Peter Parker, looking like he went through hell recently with his chapped pale lips (or what he has of them), and disheveled hair. Sam notices the take out packaging and abandoned cans all around. What happened to this place?

Red gives him one last peck before flying back to Sam and calling the room a dumpster. He seems abnormally agitated.

"What are you doing here?"

"Mister Wilson..."

"Sam"

"Sam...You're back. Oh my god, you're back"

Peter launches himself in Sam's arms and the man is more than a little bit surprised, out of everyone in the "Avengers", when they were all alive, Parker was the less likely to hug him.

"Peter, what is going on?"

"I fucked up hard...Are you here to arrest me? Your boyfriend tried to arrest me. I can't go to prison!" Peter speaks way too fast and all Sam understand his arrest and prison.

"Hold up, let's get you some water and you're going to slowly explain that mess, okay?"

Parker may be legal in most states, he still look just like a kid right now. Sam has genuinely no idea what could put him in that level of distress and now, keeping his phone shut looks like a really stupid idea so he turns it on while he encourages Peter to drink a glass of water.

Sam didn't left that long, so when the young man starts to tell him what happened to him, the state of his bedroom makes a lot more sense.

"You're lucky now is not the time to be petty because, damn boy..." Sam starts after this ten minute tail going from bad to worse really quick. "First, we need to disable Edith or get rid of it completely, I knew this shit should have stayed in Tony's head. Second, we call reinforcement and no one will arrest you, I promise"

"You believe me?!"

"Shouldn't I?"

"...We...you know, kind of thought you found me annoying me or something"

"Peter, we are talking about an army of drone in the hands of someone who hates Stark, you being framed for murder and your identity being revealed. You believe that I would let you deal with it alone? That's how you see me?"

"You called me Tony's asslicker once"

"Because you did a lot of asslicking, man, and not the enjoyable kind"

"I think that's too much information, somehow" Peter says with a small smile.

"Whatever. Thing is, you should have known that you could count on us. Remember when Stark brought you in the first time? I told you that you were too young, yes, not to diminish you but because this life can possibly take everything from you. I know we started off the wrong foot, I should have reached out to you differently but it never meant that we weren't a team, Pete"

"I thought you were jealous...I thought the worst of you, I'm so sorry. I knew it was stupid because no one else had a problem with you but...There's just no excuses"

Sam is well aware of what Peter thinks of him, everyone knows, that's why hiding here is a good idea. Of course the man with a serious case of hero worship would have a problem with someone clashing with Tony occasionally. Still, Sam never did anything about it because he really didn't care all that much. To see him believe that he has no one to turn to, not even his teammates is, however, crazy. 

"Well, we have some work to do. Go take a shower, take some fresher clothes in there, do something about my bedroom too please, because it smells like no window has been opened in years in here and I better not find pizza in my sheets. I'll call in the reinforcements" then, just as Peter is about to disappear "We'll deal with it, together, got it?"

Peter looks at him with a little more light in the eyes, "Thanks Sam, I...thank you"

* * *

There's something wrong with Peter. Sam has never saw him trying to kill someone, and, okay, this guy, Mysterio, totally ruined his life but there's an hostility that Sam never witnessed in him. The battle started out pretty normal but once Peter managed to get his hand on the villain, something shifted, just like his suit, now totally black.

Luckily, Bucky and Steve prevented him from cracking this guy's skull like a pistachio but it was close. On the bright side, he immediately agreed to help clean Peter's name, however, if he did explained on record that he faked his own death, it did nothing to give Peter his secret identity back.

Steve and Sam are supposed to go home together but Sam spend too much time with his eyes on Peter during a quick debrief to go unnoticed.

"Go talk to him"

"It can wait, right? I just got there, I missed you"

"I know," Steve says, giving him a small smile. He doesn't dare touch him, he probably won't let go anytime soon if he does "Come home after?"

Sam gives him a peck, it's torture to do just that but they are still in the street, near the cleaning team (not a lot of destruction but there's two broken window and a few cars that will have to be replaced unfortunately), this is not the time for the "real deal". When Sam gives Steve these eyes, he can't stay mad, not that he was mad at Sam, just that when he saw the Id calling, he immediately thought that Sam would come home and he would give him a massage with that fancy oil he just get. Well, helping Parker was more important.

Sam grabs Steve's fingers for a few seconds before flying to the roof where Peter is currently sitting.

"Cool looking suit you got there, Parker"

Only silence initially answers him but then Peter takes off his mask, or, more exactly, the mask "?" recedes from his head completely.

"You're going to be mad..."

Redwings appears near them and he is pissed. It's very rare for him to project images by himself in Sam's mind but when he is done, he looks at the alien bird in horror, then at the suit and finally at Peter "Oh hell no!"

* * *

Sam actually comes home (the apartment with Steve since he doesn't live at the Tower anymore) forty two hours after being back in New York, bleeding, bruised and with a grunting Bucky letting his dirty weapon bag fall on the floor near the door.

A laugh escape the black man despite himself, earning him an interrogating look from the others.

"Sorry, Red just said...nevermind"

"He is loosing it" Bucky comments "He uses his bird as an excuse, but he is loosing it"

"You're just jealous he is funnier than you"

"AH! Lies"

"Is it weird that I want white wine right now?" Natasha wonders, already walking to the cabinet where they keep the good stuff.

Steve walks next to her, looking for something to give Redwings, after all, he worked a lot tonight in this impromptu battle against the symbiote. It ends up with dishes that have nothing to do one with one another disposed randomly on their table, four humans and one alien eating and complaining about the whole thing.

The symbiote who bonded with Peter is a distant cousin from the species Red is. Where Red's type is malleable in molecular composition, the one Peter had is malleable in their structure. Where Red can't separate from the body he totally overcome (out of really extreme cases), Peter's tend to feed from its host and can go from the next one when he feels like it.

They aren't enemy exactly, more like cousins who each thinks that the other is the dumb and gross one.

An hour later, Sam starts to doze off but swears he isn't so Natasha and Bucky says their goodbye before leaving.

"Come on Sam, let's hit the shower before going to sleep"

"Mmm'not tired...Shut up Red"

The bird shakes his head before flying away somewhere in the apartment, letting the couple together. With another encouragement from Steve, they make their way to the bathroom and Sam yawns five times, Steve counts.

The shower doesn't wake him up at all so when they hit the bed and Sam tries to get his sexy on, Steve is quite amused. All he has to do is turn Sam so he becomes the small spoon and as soon as Steve finishes to install himself, he notices that Sam is falling asleep. Steve feels a quiet delight at that, his heart full of love he expresses by keeping Sam just a little closer to himself. That symbiote being is the stuff of nightmares, luckily, Peter should be okay. The Spiderman has a lot of anger and grief to process, from what Steve understands, some of these not so friendly feelings are toward Sam so he will keep an eye on him, just in case. For now, he just let his mind wanders so he can find sleep with the man he loves lightly snoring in his arms.

* * *

* **A year later, somewhere in the Pacific Ocean** *

Sam looks, in Steve humble opinion, like the most beautiful thing in the galaxy right now.

He says he isn’t much of a sailor but he has been nothing but radiant since they went on this cruise together. With his all white linen shirt and short, he looks like a model ready to sell you the most ridiculously expensive perfume, Steve would buy it without a second glance, that's say something. The way the wind keep playing with said half undone shirt is tantalizing and Steve wants nothing but to kiss the revealed cleavage. To be honest, he wants to get Sam naked since he put on clothes this morning.

“We are on a cruise, Steve, there’s no point in being on a cruise if we spend the whole day in bed” Sam had said the second Steve tried to be sneaky and started to playfully bite his ass. And what an ass.

“Just a few minutes, I promise”

And he kept his promise in a mater of minutes, making a mess of Sam Wilson, so much so in fact that the black man refused that they showered together “Nah, I don’t trust you anymore” he had said with an almost convincing pout.

Steve laughed then, it was worth it.

He is glad he took his sketchbook and some chalks because as muse goes, nothing could beat his boyfriend. Sam has not noticed yet, eyes on the blue sea and unbothered by the other passengers, Redwings half-sleeping on his head (technically, it’s not his pet so despite the suspicious glare of some people, they can’t force him away). They should be reaching Puerto Rico in an hour and would have the rest of the day and the next to go around.

Sam turns, look at his boyfriend with a smile that finish to convince Steve that they need to go back to their cabin right now. He keeps that to himself, maybe it’s the sea breeze that make him horny on nothing or maybe it’s because prior to them leaving, they hadn’t manage to spend a lot of time together lately due to their respective missions.

“I need to put this back in the cabin” Steve shakes his sketchbook, the pages flip flopping with the wind “And get more sunscreen”

With a tilt of his head and the barest rise of an eyebrow, Sam’s whole behavior changes. He can read Steve like nobody else “Is that so? Well, go then”

Steve huffs “Are you coming?”

“I don’t need anything in the cabin,” Sam answers, purposely obtuse. Redwings is waking up, saying something that makes Sam smirks even more.

“I can’t reach my back to put the sunscreen, it’s too muscular,” Steve complains, trying to show how helpless he is.

Sam really tries hard not to laugh, biting his lips before coming back to a more neutral face “You’re so ridiculous, man”

“Is that a no?”

Another smile, a roll of eyes and they are on their way without Redwings who, Steve is sure, laughs at them.

Predictably, Steve gets covered with something sticky and off white before any sunscreen touch his skin. He jokes about the texture being so similar and is banned from the next shower once again. "Totally worth it" he gloats.

Steve would never say that out loud but the best part about leaving is going back only because now, they go back together and it's normal. Just thinking about it makes him smile because he didn’t have that opportunity the first time. Sam rambles about washing clothes, starting to gather their white ones on one side of the bathroom and the colored ones on the other side.

“First round of clothes, groceries, second round of clothes. Got it” Steve notes, grabbing both of their suitcase to put them away.

“I thinks there’s still something inside yours,” Sam nonchalantly says from the bathroom.

“No, I got everything out” Steve confirms, opening the closet to see how to fit them back in.

Sam voices gets just a bit more insistent “I don’t think so”

“I mean, that’s my own suitcase, I know I’ve emptied it” he mumbles.

“What did you say?” Sam’s voice rises and Steve checks to be sure he couldn’t have hear that before mocking his boyfriend by imitating him “WhAt DId yOU SaY?”

Sam becomes silent then and they leaves for some needed groceries twenty minutes later but Steve notices quickly that Sam is using his passive aggressive sweet voice. At this point, Steve has no idea why Sam is annoyed and if he is annoyed at him or something else.

When he starts to put his name after everything he says, however, Steve knows he is mad at him, now he just needs to identify about what. Everything had been good, they just got back from a beautiful cruise together, there’s no way he pissed off Sam that fast, right?

It continues like that during the whole trip and back to the apartment. Red seems indifferent about the whole thing. Steve observes Sam dealing with the groceries for a few minutes then decides to get off his hair and manage the colored clothes washing as planned once the whites are out and drying. While his hands are full of dirty clothes, he stops and retraces his day. When they got back at their place, they were okay. When they left, it was already weird. So it happened when they were here. It couldn’t possibly be about the suitcase, right?

“You mad at me about the suitcase?” he asks Sam in disbelief.

Sam barely looks at him but Steve catches that hard eye roll just the same. He gets to the closet, grabs the suitcase and brings it back near Sam.

“There’s nothing inside, I already checked!”

“Is that so, Steve?”

Now, Steve gets a little annoyed too, he opens the suitcase, no clothes inside “See!” he shakes the case, there’s nothing. Nothing either behind that transparent pocket on this side, and nothing in…umh. There’s something in the top pocket and he has no memories of ever putting something inside. Sam’s eyes are drilling holes in his skull and Steve is in his circus way too deep, but he still shots his shots and pretends he hadn’t felt whatever is there. “Nothing to see here” he adds, his voice betraying him right at the end, shit. A clown, he is nothing but a clown.

Sam is silent, once more, but his eyes…oh, Steve is done, and yet… “Okay, but your own suitcase was big enough to put all your things inside, Sam. Come on. Of course I didn’t know there was something in here, you put it without telling me” and Steve has the audacity to continue like this for long minutes, slowly going into a passionate speech about liberty and travelling etiquette. Meanwhile, he ends up finally opening the pocket and grab the velvet box inside. He is so far up his own ass he continue his discourse for another minute, swinging the box in his hand before opening it to see two gold rings. They are disconnected, with two black diamonds on each side and a “S” graved inside.

The burning warmth of shame, excitement, love and fear goes through all of his body at once. Steve swears he could self-combust, especially since Sam keeps looking at him with the most unimpressed stare he ever saw him give him.

“Baby?” he barely manages to breathe, eyes alternating between the rings he isn’t sure he has a right to touch and Sam.

“Well, since you clearly has a problem with my packing methods…” Sam reaches out for the box but Steve rolls away dramatically (and I mean, really rolls away) as if he just avoided a bullet.

“NO!”

“You are so annoying, Steve, I swear”

“But you wanna **marry me**?!”

“I am reconsidering”

Steve carefully put the box on their dining table before crushing Sam in his arms in the tightest hug possible “I love you so much. Why did you hide it in here? Was I supposed to find it earlier? I love you, did I already say that?”

“Steve, calm down, baby” he laughs, “Can I properly make my demand now?”

“ **YES**!, I mean, ahem, yes, of course. Oh my god”

Sam tries to appear blasé about it but Steve felt him shake just as much as him. He gets the box, takes one of the two rings and gets on one knee.

“Steven Grant Rogers, you are truly one of a kind. You are the most stubborn person I know, and even if sometimes it drives me crazy, it’s also one of your best qualities. I know your past, our past, has been quite the battle, but our present is making me happy like I never thought I would be. Today, I want to ask you if you want us to look toward the future together. Steve, would you marry me?”

Steve bobs his head fast, throat so tight words can’t get past it. After a few seconds where he tries to breathe and wipes some tears “Yes, Sam, fuck yes! Sweetheart, I’ll marry you, every time”

Sam passes the ring at Steve’s finger, winking at him with the most beautiful smile Steve ever saw and mist in the eye. Right after, Steve takes the second ring to do the same when he remembers something.

“Wait right here” and dashes into their bedroom to find a hidden piece of jewelry of his own. In the wooden box richly decorated, there are two mate black necklaces with a purple hue. Steve takes in Sam frown “You don’t like rings at your fingers, last time we decided to keep them as pendant instead so…”

“So you kept that around, just in case, for me?” Sam asks, “For how long?”

“The second you allowed me to date you, I knew I wanted to marry you again. I called in a favor from a friend, it’s, uh, vibranium”

“Vibranium? From Wakanda?”

“Well, yeah, but from my shield more exactly”

Sam has to look away to at least try to keep his emotions away from his eyes “You’re crazy”

“Here, let me…” Steve takes the ring and manages to loop the long necklace to secure the ring even if the cut part makes it a bit challenging for someone with trembling fingers. Once done, he proudly passes it around Sam’s neck and they share a tender kiss followed by a hug. “I’ll do the same later but I want to feel it around my finger for a while”

“Whatever you want baby”

They kiss again, sharing a love that transcended time and death.

* * *

* **Extra** *

“If they break my console Rogers, I swear…”

“You are the one not wanting to play monopoly”

“Monopoly?!” Sam repeats in an angry hush “Have you lost your mind? That bottle of spiked punch? I’m taking it back”

Steve grabs Sam in his arms from behind “What do you have against monopoly?”

“The game? Nothing. You loosing at it? Unbearable”

Steve hums, biting at Sam’s ear, enjoying how his body both went hard, and soft for him. Al least, for the few seconds that he allows it.

“Our family and friends are right there, stop that” he complains, pointing to their little backyard where everyone is currently handling the barbecue except for Sarah and Bucky, fighting over Smash bros with her son Alan and Luke as witnesses. He turns in Steve’s arms with a scowl but gives him a peck “You’re ready?”

“Never been more ready”

Sam grabs Steve’s shirt and opens one button down, revealing the necklace on his chest. He takes it off and passes the ring around Steve’s finger with a fond smile. Steve does the exact same with him with a heavy sight full of anticipation. Redwings flies from the window to Steve’s shoulder, picking at his ear in a gesture of affection, at least, that’s what Sam say it is.

It takes approximately forty seconds for someone to snatch Sam’s hand and bring it closer to their face. It’s Sarah who looks at the ring then alternate between her little brother’s face and Steve who is flipping meatless steaks before asking if it is what she thinks it is.

“You know it is”

“You’re kidding. You’re serious? Are you freaking serious Sam? **I need to know!** ”

“What? What is…Samuel?!”

Sarah practically shoved Sam’s hand in their mother’s face, the action grabs Misty, Bruce and Wanda’s attention.

“What the hell is going on over there?” Bucky wonders audibly next to Steve, Natasha, Luke who just joined them, Peter and Vision.

“I have no idea” Steve lies, putting his spatula away and his remaining hand off his pocket.

Now, because the other group is screaming together, everyone’s attention is on them but Bucky is the first one to turn away, only because he is hungry. He notices Steve’s beaming face, the love so obvious that it makes him pause but when Steve start to put seasoning on the food with his other hand, of course he sees it, and he isn’t the only one.

“That’s a real nice ring you got there, Rogers” Luke cajoles, his smile growing larger by the second.

“He said yes?!” Natasha asks in surprise, only because Sam never expressed any interest in being married. Then she remembers that they have been married already in the previous timeline.

Steve, smug as hell “He is the one who asked”, showing his ring like the most beautiful thing known to mankind. It’s just a symbol, Lord knows he doesn’t need a ring to tell people he is in love with Sam Wilson but it’s nice, for once, to be “that” couple. He sure enjoy his minute of being full of himself and showing his engagement ring.

They congratulate Steve before the two groups mesh together to celebrate the good news.

Steve already knew his best friend would have something to say about it, the only unknown is what exactly. With a hand on his shoulder, he smiles “I’m happy it’s you”

It means a lot, more than Steve thought it would to hear that.

If he is honest, he can’t believe he managed to get this far and find happiness once again. After all that happened, he can breathe, he finally won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story, I hope you liked it :)


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